Saturday, January 26, 2013
The Honest To God Truth
Not just the truth, but the "honest to God truth."
Statement Analysis teaches that those who use such phrases as "I swear to God", "Honest to God", and so forth, are, statistically, very deceptive people.
Not all deception is necessarily nefarious. Who might be a "deceptive" person, without having criminal guilt? I ask that you consider two groups:
1. People pleasers
2. Confidentiality Workers
1. The people pleasers are those who are raised from childhood to report that "all is well" in life and present as if everything in life is perfect. This may even be generational or cultural.
"How are you feeling today?"
A. "I am well, thank you, and you?" may be an answer from a man who can barely walk as his wife just told him that she is leaving him. His world is falling apart yet he says he is "well" by habit.
Did you ever notice in documentaries prisoners of the Nazis who sometimes smile for the camera? Certainly there was nothing to smile about, but it shows a life long habit of putting on a happy face.
This is deceptive.
The man who is contemplating suicide due to his wife's announcement might continue, while at work for example, to put on a "brave face" and keep his issues to himself.
Passive - Aggressive people do the same. They swallow their emotions, do what is asked of them, and secretly burn until they blow. This is not healthy, just as the person who tramples the feelings of others under the banner of, "I tell it like it is!" Persons like that need a filter and feel that just because something is true, does not mean it needs to be broadcast. All might be true, but not expedient, or should be given in small dosages. People literally emotionally abuse their own children by making their children into mini counselors. No child should be the "glue" that holds a family together: it is a recipe for a troubled life. The adults are the glue, not the children. They are those in need of glue.
It is not a call for someone to selfishly impose his suffering upon the world, it is merely an understanding that some have been taught to be deceptive, politely so, and take it to an extreme. I have found that these are those who are often very strict about not lying, not cheating and not breaking laws, but take a long time in counseling to finally admit that something is very wrong in life.
By nature, they are polite, respectful, and hold back their opinions whenever they think another might be offended. They are the polar opposite of the selfish one who thinks that all of their co-workers should hear out their tales of woe at any time, inconsiderate of the feelings of others. These are two extremes.
The private person may say, "I'm going to be honest with you" indicating that they are not honest to others, yet this lack of honesty to others may be the simple withholding of information. They may not reveal, for example, their serious medical condition.
2. Professionals who must respect the laws and principles of confidentiality are deceptive by virtue of not saying, or holding back information. This becomes routine and is a necessary form of deception: When asked questions they hold back much, in respect to their profession.
Teachers do this regularly. Some would love to scream, "Why don't you get your butt off the couch, turn off the TV, and teach your child to read?" but instead, have to find ways to withhold this blatantly true principle and gently get the parents more involved.
"How do I look, doctor?" after splurging no Gifford ice cream for weeks on end, the doctor is not going to tell me the truth as it enters his mind, looking at my waistline. He will be 'deceptive' in that, his editing process will cause him to be gentle.
Yet it is also true that deceptive people use this phrase and if you follow the language, you will learn if it is a polite social deception. If the person does not work in a "confidentiality mandated" vocation, you may also find that there is more than just social deception at play.
One lawyer said, "I am going to tell you the honest to God truth" while commenting on the Casey Anthony case. This is different than just "honest to God" in a phrase. For him, there is truth and there is "the honest to God truth" which is different. Listening to his language soon revealed deep and well learned deceptive language; from childhood.
There are those who appear incapable of telling the truth. They are deceptive about life; willing to deceive under pressure, with as much ease as they are to lie about small, insignificant details in life.
I share with you a comical moment in training of the past year. I know the material is intellectually too much for some, as we had about a 10% fail out rate. Some were incapable of grasping the material, and/or handling the pace. It happens. Yet there is also a small element where someone is confronted, personally, by something in Statement Analysis, that is offensive personally.
I came to the 2nd day of training and was feeling fatigued at the sheer volume of material pushed into Day One. Persuasion itself, is exhausting, but particularly so when it is for hours and hours when the material is, intellectually, challenging.
On Day Two, I introduced the phrases, "swear to God, honest to God..." and so on. We had seen enough samples where the subject used these phrases and was deceptively guilty of the allegation. When enough samples are used, it begins to sink in.
"Not so!" said one investigator.
'Uh oh, here we go', I thought. I had tripped the panic wire for someone's emotions.
In statement analysis there is that "but, I" moment for investigators. They see the statistics, and they see the successful analysis getting to the truth, but then then faced with that personal moment where statement analysis uncovers a deceptive portion of their own language. It happens to most of us and it means, ego-centrical denial of principle, just because "I" am offended, or...
continue to grow in life; live and learn.
"I object to this 'swear to God' part because my sister and I live by this rule and have lived this way for 40 years. If we say 'swear to God' to each other, we are not allowed to lie! We have to tell the truth!"
My response was to be silent to her challenge and soon, most of the class began to chuckle, as her denial of the principle asserted the truthfulness of it. The silence was instructive.
Finally, someone said to her, "well, you just proved the principle true!" but emotions have over-riden her ability to think, and she was lost to the training.
Next up: those who lie when no lie is necessary.