Friday, April 12, 2013
Statement Analysis: Children and Nick Names
What has the power to change language?
You've seen "currency" become "money" when it was stolen.
You've seen a "gun" become a "weapon" when fired.
You've seen a "car" become a "vehicle" when broken down and no longer running.
What about children? What about your children?
When helping someone understand Statement Analysis, I often ask them,
"What are the names of your children?"
Next, I pick the name of one of the children (if there are multiple) and ask, "What else do you call him?" "Any nick names?"
Then, I asked, "When is he *****?"
This often brings out humorous moments while highlighting Statement Analysis.
A mother of twins calls her sons, "the boys" regularly, but then called them "the guys" and asked me why.
I asked her, "When did you call them 'the guys'?"
She said, "Oh! I get it! I called them 'the guys' when I was so proud of them bringing in firewood!"
In Statement Analysis, we look at context. We note when a mother calls her child, "my daughter" and when she calls her by her name. We saw this in several cases:
Deborah Bradley, mother of missing Baby Lisa, went to great lengths to avoid saying "Lisa", instead she was "her" most of the time, and "our daughter" (not even "my" daughter).
The Jonbenet Ramsey case is another one that highlights this principle. Her name changes when she is "safe" and when she is "at risk"; going from "Jonbenet" to "her" to "daughter" to "our daughter" and "my daughter" (all become significant).
We find, for example, that men who abuse their children avoid "daughter" in the context of abuse. In other words, if the statement covers a period of time, during the abuse, the victim might be her name, or "the girl" (see prior example) but not "my daughter" until after the abuse.
The other morning I asked a mother of a toddler, "What other names do you call your son?" and she picked out a humorous nick name that she uses.
I asked her, "When do you call him ******?"
She said, "When his diaper needs changing!" of which we laughed. We've both likely changed too many in life.
A few minutes later, the little fella took off and grabbed some items on the shelf and tried to run off with them. She said, "Oh! ********! Come back here!"
We laughed again. She recognized that when she must do something less than pleasant, he is ***** (a cute nick name), while changing the diaper, running after him, picking up his hurricane like mess, and so on.
She's a good, loving mother.
As our conversation continued, she told me about a "woman" of which something happened. "She is my husband's mother's friend..."
I said, "You're not particularly close to your mother-in-law?"
She laughed and said, "Wow, you knew that because of the way I said it!"
I saw the light bulb above her head go on.
It takes careful listening to understand, which means that you must 'slow down' a bit, and focus especially on pronouns.
Note the order in which people name others, as important, one way or another.
Ask your children who they are friends with at school and note the order:
Was it the best friend named first?
Or, was it that child seated closest to your child that was named?
Was it the bully named?
Did your child save the last for best? :) (Not wanting to say so?) Kids do get crushes in school!
For whatever reason, the order is important and should be noted.
Sarcasm and humor:
Always note the words chosen within the realm of sarcasm or humor: the words come from somewhere. Worst is the "teasing" in a passive aggressive manner in which a couple goes after one another, or, targets the child who feels the sting even though the parent says, "It was only a joke..."
Think of your child's proper name.
Think of what nick name, or abbreviation you use.
Next, listen and catch yourself and learn when he is "Robert" and when he is "Bobby" and when he is ******* nick name.
"Robert, do your homework!"
"Good job, Bobby!"
Beware spankings that use long, full, syllabled names! (dating much?)
Post your findings for us, when you come to understand what it is that impacted you to the level of causing a change in language.