Friday, May 17, 2013

Nichole Cable and Social Media and Society Commentary

Update:  there may be breaking news...Crime Scene in wooded area.  Stay tuned.)

Standing a few blocks from where Nichole Cable was last seen, I am struck by the lack of information in this case, nor the lack of journalistic aggression.

I am not from Maine.

There is a journalistic culture, all its own, in Maine.  It may or may not be similar to other small town type States in America, as my reference point is New York, where journalists regularly congregate around anyone connected to a case, and pour off strong question after strong question.  Think:  Anthony Wiener (now running for office again, as an example of morals for us all), surrounded by journalists all thrusting mics in his face.

When a fireman from Florida came to Maine to sell drugs, Florida journalists were threatened with arrest when they camped outside the suspect's relative's home, actually getting there before police.  They were stunned to see a Maine law enforcement official screaming at them (caught on tape) that they would be arrested...for doing their job.

Nichole Cable went missing this week and already sensitivity indicators show that there may have been a delay in calling 911; a delay in judgement, not necessarily nefarious, even though the family has taken to the very same media, Face Book, that may have led to their daughter's disappearance, that is, if she is missing because of someone she met on Face Book.  By simply reporting that it was reported "immediately" (by police) we may wonder why the need to even add the word "immediately" when calling 911.

From Bangor Daily News:

On their Facebook page, the Old Town High School student’s parents said they believe their daughter was last known to be with a male using a fictitious name on a Facebook account. A Bangor High School student with the same name was questioned by police.

We are well aware of that theory,” Ross said Thursday. “We have interviewed him and there is nothing at this point that would indicate any other action is needed by our department there.
“But this is an active investigation. His name is out there and perhaps he’s concerned that he might be misaccused.

(end of article entry.)

It is believed that she went off with a man who used a fake name/fake profile on Facebook (FB) to lure her away.  The amount of time, itself, is worrisome.

People are frightened for Nichole, and for their own families.

The high school kids locally are frightened.

The local parents are frightened.

They should be.  We all should be.

They are both right to be frightened, as we are just, apparently, rediscovering the power of the written word, and how it can influence us, just as it did in generations gone by, who relied upon letter writing to communicate love, loss, life and death.

People think that things like this don't happen in places like this, but the internet has connected us all.

World War II was an extreme example of those who, at times, based their entire ability to stay alive on their wills, fueled by the letter from home, a sweetheart the young man was trusting to be faithful to him.  How often have we heard men say that it was the thought of their sweetheart, or wife, which kept them going during the darkest hours, or how a folded, beat up, and almost disintegrated love letter was the most important part of a soldier's uniform? Or, perhaps, even how the "Dear John" letter was the final shred of hope to disappear during war, the written word is powerful.

Our society has changed, and our children are slipping from our grasp, so parents must now, more than perhaps any time in almost 50 years, pull their children closer than ever before, and place strong limitations upon what they do, where they go, who they see, and their time on Face Book.

We live in a country that has become, in just a few years, almost unrecognizable.  The internet has changed us all.

Do you really want your 13 year old daughter gleaning her self worth from how many strangers mark her as "friend" on Face Book? Think this is just kids?  Government workers (you know, the ones you are trusting to run your life for you?) are constantly getting in trouble for either being on FB too much, or "liking" something that they are not allowed to like.  (I'm not kidding).  I guess this is better than what the IRS has been doing the past 6 years.

You haven't lived until you've been 'shushed' by a government supervisor who, at age 40, is arguing with someone on FB which store is "hotter:  Old Navy or Marshalls"; (again, I am not making this up!)

What of the bullying mentality?  Those of weak character can appear bold and appealing in writing, and especially those who have failed to make strong connections in society in 'real' life, find a 'new life' on the internet, with what is called "internet muscles", perhaps showing that the more deficient in natural life, the more projection to be seen online.

Think of the strange litany of characters the plight of Hailey Dunn's case has brought, with those using various names and personas, making shocking statements in order to gain attention for themselves, reveling in controversy.  Famous cases have always brought out such oddities, but it is an all new realm in the internet.

Parents must stop apologizing for being parents and stop thinking that the government (whoever that is) should be teaching their children morals, and put the brakes on this downward spiral.

Dress, appearance, manners, speech, language, grammar, usage, gender...all of these things matter.

The new "do not judge!" mentality that does not even allow for children to be children, nor to recognize that some are male and some are female, does not change the fact that people judge you, sometimes hundreds of times in a single day.  Even just a single look can cause someone to have a half dozen opinions (judgements) about you.  How much more so do your children feel this among their peers?  Are we preparing them to withstand the judgements of others without compromising their own beliefs?

Parents must return to the common sense of instilling things that are out of vogue today including:

Work ethic.

Busy kids are healthy kids who are not online all the time communicating with strangers day and night.

Kids should work.  To live is to work, and work sustains life.  Historically, the world has reached a point where the abundance of food is so great that a portion of the population can still be fed while not working.  Historically, (if history teaches us) this is not a norm. Should we have a down turn, are we preparing our kids to survive in the world?  Are we giving them the skills to survive, or are we abdicating our instruction not only to the government, but to the internet?

With record numbers of Americans being paid to sit home and do nothing, many kids do not think they have to work.  We have entire towns and counties where there are more on state aid than who are working and it destroys the very fabric of society, robbing people of their dignity.

At 12, I had a paper route.  At 13, I was sweeping up at a butcher's shop.

When I worked for child protective services, the interview of the parent included, "What do you do to provide for your child?" about 10 years ago.  I heard many (not "some", but "many") say, "Tanif!" while barely able to lift his head from playing a video game.

Think that is bad news?

Today, social workers are told not to even ask that question, as it might be "demeaning" to the parent. The able-bodies young male, who refused to do his homework in high school, is home playing video games and being paid for it.  The Bible (uh oh) says that if a man will not work, he is not to be fed, but in this case, he is getting money for keeping a pulse.  Without quoting statistics, over the years I learned that when I met a male, 40 years of age, who had never worked, that it was very probable that he had more than 3 children, all with different mothers, that were supported by tax dollars.  He did not work, therefore, he had to find another way to feel like a man.

Thanks, emotional thinkers.  I think it is time to take even more away from the working man to pay for yet another program for someone who does not want to work, in the name of compassion, of course.

Please don't respond with broad strokes.  I work with people who cannot work.  They physically are unable to work, yet, often ask (or indicate) that they wish to help, and when they are able to do something helpful, they beam with pride.

Work ethic is out of void, but children that are taught to work will thank their parents later on.  Kids from Aroostook County in Maine pick potatoes from an early age.  I have spoken to many of them who, as adults, are glad for this work experience.  Interestingly enough, theft in that county is very low, percentage wise to population.  Aroostook County people are proud of their work ethic, even though it is an economically challenged place to live.

Discernment.

I spoke to one mom who said that she reminded her little girl that if a man asks her to help him find her lost puppy, he is to be run away from.  Her daughter is sharp and knows enough, but it was a good reminder.

Children are not naturally suited for discernment, as they are

Critical Thinking.

It is okay to think.  Seriously, it is okay to think.

It is okay to be wrong. It is okay.  Your child's self esteem will survive and he may just learn something.

It is okay to want to take some time and think things through.  Nothing highlights this principle more than the emotionalism that rules us today.

Reading FB on the missing child case itself shows us much.  "My best friend's daughter was friends with this girl, who went to school with this guy, who totally almost met Nichole and I am so distraught about this right now..."  It's tough to think critically when our only thought is narcissistic at best.  How is this impacting me?  Who cares, for there is a missing child!

Children not only need to have their internet monitored, but they need to be able to think critically and parents can use FB to teach them this very thing.

Statement Analysis is a good place to start.  :)

It is wise for a parent to be able to sit next to the child, especially a young teen (the age of moving into critical thinking)

Competitiveness.

Life is competitive and your child will have to compete for a job if our country does not move completely to a communistic view point.
When I was a boy, we did not have signs warning parents at sporting events.  Today, sportsmanship is not taught.

It is still okay to teach your son to be competitive, while being a gracious loser.  Masculinity sacrifices its strength to help others.  There is a time to compete (sports) and a time to turn it off (parenting) in life.

Our sons and daughters need to be busy at what needs to be busy at.

Respect

My youngest is now 11 and his lessons in manners have gone well, and we are moving on to dress, appearance and decision making.  It is okay to teach your children that manners are a way to show respect to others, even if ridiculed for it. The children are not born with wisdom, nor understanding, in spite of all the wonderful movies Hollywood sends our ways.

Manners and Gender

I hereby give you permission to teach your son to hold his mother's chair at dinner, and get his sister's door in the car.

Boys will become men.  Men are stronger than women.

I had seven sisters and my father taught me just how unmanly it is to raise a hand in violence to a woman.

Girls today are exposed to violence in the home as undisciplined homes produce violence, and it is no wonder that they find themselves drawn towards violent boyfriends and eventually violent husbands, and even when finally confronted with the fact of being a battered woman, still lack the resolve to leave the abuser.

It is epidemic.

See your son.

Give him a toy he likes and he will cherish it. As he gets older, you'll see him love his toy, like a car, and polish it, and baby it, and do what it takes to take good care of it.  It is how boys are.

Teach him to close his ears to what is being taught today, and tell him that women are different than men, special, with a greater human capacity for love and emotion, thereby, at greater risk for exploitation.  Tell them that the movies from Hollywood that teach that the 15 year old girl knows more about love than her stodgy 40 year old father, is wrong.  Tell your children, not to follow their hearts, but to obey their parents.  Teach them to think.

If a young boy is taught to cherish his mother and sister, and not to treat them as "equals" when it comes to rough play, we can reduce violence against women in society.  I always cringe when I see my son avoiding contact with a female during an ice hockey game.  He can't do it. It goes against his upbringing.  I will never understand what goes through the mind of a father who puts his little girl in a helmet and has her crash into boys.  It leaves me cold, and very sad, as I consider the long term ramifications.

When my older boys were young, they lived in a totalitarian society.  I told them how to dress and how to behave.  There was no debate.  There was no 3 year old crying over too many choices for lunch.

When the pubescent years descended, things changed. At age 14, when my son wanted to go to the movies, he had to, at the dinner table, present an argument about why he should be allowed to go.

If his argument was sound, he could go.  He would present that the movie had a certain rating, and he was going with certain friends, and that these friends were not known to cause trouble, and that safety precautions were in place...and so on.

If his argument was sound, permission granted.

By 16, he was self governing. He had no curfew.  The envy of his friends, he was always home early and in bed because of school or work requirements, but thrived, emotionally, on the freedom that he did not bother to use much.

But that was long ago, and he had been taught to think critically, not too early (at age 8, for example) but when his brain was more developed (we began logic at age 11), recognizing that all children develop differently.

We don't have statements to analyze in the case of Nichole Cable, and we don't know what happened to her, and if she is alright or not.  It appears that exploitation, perhaps emotional exploitation, has taken place, but we do not know.

She is only 15 years old.

How old is your little girl?

Mine is 13.

She is in need of constant protection and not only trusts me to do so, but is counting on me to provide for her needs in life.  She is learning how to discern forums and see how the 'kindly grandmother' may be a 40 year old man, feigning interest, for example, in pet rabbits, in order to communicate with my little girl.

                                                   Clancy will not allow it.

On guard and vigilant


The internet has given us many wonderful opportunities, but with opportunities comes responsibilities that must be respected.

Nichole Cable, and so many situations similar, reminds us, as parents, just how much responsibility that is needed to protect children in today's world.  If anything, she is in need of our prayers, even as she reminds us to not abdicate our divinely appointed responsibility to raise and nurture our children, and protect them by all means.

Predators are counting on our laziness and our lack of discernment. 


19 comments:

S + K Mum said...

Update from Fox ABC Maine:

There appears to be a big development in the search for a missing 15 year old girl in Glenburn. An army of police has been searching an area there this afternoon and the State police major crimes unit has just arrived. We have a crew on the scene and will keep you updated. A press conference is also scheduled for this afternoon. Nichole Cable has now been missing since Sunday night.

Lemon said...

Thanks S +K Mum.

link:
http://www.foxbangor.com/news/local-news/1866-missing-girl-search.html

~mj said...

Mr. Hyatt, at first I took issue with the way you worded the part about people working in this country.

I took issue, not because you are wrong per se, rather because you are generally so articulate and in this case it almost sounded as though you were leaving out a vast majority of those that cannot work. Either by disability or lack of work. Or another group...one which I happen to fall into. We struggle. We have two children with disabilities and our family makes too much to allow assistance, but not enough to meet the needs of our disabled children. We were faced with the decision to both work to provide certain things, but then the children with disabilities would be practically institutionalized because who would be home to care for them? Or, one of us work so our children can actually be raised by their parents. We have four children altogether. So we struggle. All because of the "system" - I don't want to get political, but I am sure you know what I am referring to.

I am happy with the choice we made and consider it a joy to struggle because of the reason we are doing it. But it stung none-the-less reading your comments.

Then as I finished reading, I no longer take issue with any of what you wrote, because although some may not like this, I see you are writing from a very religious point of view.

The way society was intended is not what we have. You speak of morals and obligation as the bible lays it out for us and in my own belief system, our creator would know what is best for us, therefore the bible has the right principles to live by. I know this is not a popular belief.


I appreciate you taking the time to make the points you did. Thank-you.

Dee said...

Thanks S & K Mum...With the major crimes unit there and with what they're now saying about seeing cones and tape being put up, it doesn't sound promising.

Hobnob said...

it bothers me that if she was abducted by someone she met on facebook why, when she saw the person who turned up didn't match the person she expected to meet did she not run or make a scene especially if her parents were in the house.

No mention has been made of any screaming, any disturbance which means either she got in the vehicle willingly or she was grabbed and driven off before she could alert anyone.

I know if i had arranged to meet someone in real life from online i would have to have known them for a real long time and i would have made sure that my family knew who i was going to meet, where and when and if someone turned up who i didn't know (they looked different to their pic is a prime example) then i would run, i would not be meeting them let alone getting in any vehicle, the meeting would be in a public place.

Perhaps the person claimed to be collecting her on behalf of the person she was supposed to meet, again that would be a warning sign.

Perhaps she knew the person and went willingly since she had previously run away ( this would perhaps explain some of the strange body language and behavior of the parents)
It wasn't all sunshine and rainbows in the household (no family is perfect)

I wonder why is as claimed someone had their facebook account hacked and a stranger was reaching out to her and her friends why the hacked account wasn't blocked by them.
was there also contact via other media such as skype, nessenger, emails etc.

What was reported to whom in regard to the account?

Why is the word someone used by the mother rather than expected man or woman, someone is used to hide gender or identity.
If the mom said it was something different to what and who she said how does the mother know this?

if the person what not what or who the daughter said did she tell her mother?
Did the mother know personally who was expected and saw someone else?
Is the mother using someone rather than an identifier on police reccommendations?

Did the mother try to stop Nichole getting into the car?

It is not only what was done it is also what wasn't done in this disappearance

There seems to be a lot we aren't being told. Maybe we will learn more from the presser.

Anonymous said...

"The initial hearings officer was an aged leftist hippie lawyer, helping "the poor" in his community."

He sounds like a truly horrible person.

All joking aside, most ALJs are hippie lawyers. Jesus used to help "the poor" in his community as well. It requires acts of compassion and forgiveness, which are as out-of-style as a healthy work ethic.

When the woman agreed to pay restitution in-lieu of facing criminal charges, did she agree not to file for unemployment as well? Most people don't realize that employers' costs increase if they fire too many people who go on UEI. She was probably doing what she had to do to feed her kids since she had already screwed up once. It takes a while to find a job that pays a living wage these days.

Poor Nichole. It does take a village to raise a child, but it also takes one to weed out the bad apples who target our children.

Nanna Frances said...

How long is the driveway? Has anyone seen a picture of the driveway?

Hobnob said...

As some may know i work for a chatroom (voluntary)

The first rule of chat is take eveything with a large pinch of salt.
second is don't give out personal info.

The internet is an amazing place, chatrooms are the modern equivalent of electronic penpals and coffee mornings.

We can meet new people almost every day, we can and do make lifelong friends, friends who we can talk to about our most personal problems, problems perhaps we would not or could not talk about with family.
the same friends who if they don't hear from you for a day or so will call to see if you are ok or if a few days have passed seek out family members to see if all is well and even contact LE for a welfare check (it is what we did when one of our staff didn't reply even though they were signing in, we got in touch with the local sheriff who paid a visit to her secluded house, sadly she had passed on. it was the unexpected behavior that got our attention)

Sadly the net, like real life attracts the schemers, the scammers, the lowlifes, those who pretend to be who or what they aren't.

I see this daily, member who have both male and female names, who flirt and romance, who are players with multiple relationships, some even in real.

I have to respect their privacy, i cannot say beware this person or that person, they aren't breaking wither our TOS or the law, When the truth comes out, and it always does i am their shoulder to cry on amongst many, i advise on the computer side of things re accounts, ignore, blocking etc. many times i have advised them on contacting LE when it has spread to real life and they get harrassed or threatened.

Sometimes, i swear, people dump all commonsense at the door.
When younger members would sign in to the family side, i would talk to them, check their age ( and they even lie about that) i discuss chat safety and ask if they have a parent or guardian there. Most will say no and i will kick and block them so they cannot come back, It is one less place of risk. Time and time again i advise parents on internet safety, have the pc in a public room so they can see where their child is surfing, i explain about logged chats and setting it up so they can see who their child spoke to and what about.
To me this is all simple commonsense yet all too often we hear of children meeting starngers and being abducted or running away with someone online.

If you wouldn't do something in real life like give out your personal details to a stranger, don't do it online.

In my chat we know who you are and where you live, the chat is moderated and we can and will take action as needed and that includes talking to LE, many chats are not so strict or are unmoderated, a place where anything goes ( remember those yahoo chatrooms with names like older men for younger girls etc? the hosts only moderated their own rooms not user created rooms, we moderate every single room a member is in regardless)

The net is an amazing place, you can learn, you can teach, you can make new friends and find old ones, with common sense it can be a safe environment for all ages, it can also be a jungle where everything can be dangerous, where things aren't what they appear and strangers with bad intentions lurk.
Enjoy yourself when online just use common sense, firewalls, antivirus and a large pinch of salt. If they sound too good to be true, if it sounds too good to be true, ignore, block, reportas needed.

rkg said...

Peter, I am a Democrat and a feminist, and I agree with very nearly every word you typed in this article. Thank you for publishing your very blunt and specific values, and thank you for raising your son the way you have. There is hope for our young people yet.

Apple said...

Thank you for this refreshing article, Peter.

Vita said...

Art Linkletter - Archive Interview Part 1 of 6 In his 6-part (each 30-minute segment is posted separately) oral history interview, Art Linkletter discusses his years in radio and his start, in 1950, in his first television series, "Life with Linkletter". Linkletter recounts his most memorable stories from the television series he is most associated with, "Art Linkletter's House Party" and "People Are Funny". For these series,
he discusses the shows' universal appeals and his humorous interviews with thousands of kids.

http://youtu.be/fZVw9rrXqw4

I am listening, near the end of part 1 - He, Art Linkletter a fascinating man, he adopted at 4 wks old, born 1912. He to say his adoptive parents, they were not educated, his father was crippled in his late 50's, this when he was adopted. His father was a Shoemaker, tradesman, he worked even so he was crippled, he a pastor on Sundays. As he says, the minute I was able, I worked, as it was to stay alive, to aid to feed our family. His adoptive parents, he said had no money, they lived in poverty.

They gave him that was most important, love and encouragement, work ethics to be core, he to read, read, read, he allowed to use his imagination freely. It funded him well. He is a man of many lives - no internet, no cable, all on his own. He to make it to Radio, then on to TV.

His story is worth listening to.

Seanacyblue said...

I laughed about how you raised your son, I did the same thing, and thought I was the only one who did that.
I had always told both of my kids that if they want to do something, go somewhere or even if I had already said no, that if they came to me with a valid argument and with respect, I would listen and give serious consideration to what they wanted to do.
Both of my kids have come to me with valid arguments and reasons why they should be allowed to do something or why I should change my mind, and I have allowed them to go to the movies, or whatever it was and have even changed my mind on things.
My kids always had to talk in a respectful, civil tone during those conversations, the first time they didn't they immediately lost the argument and the privilege to do what they wanted.
It has always been nice to hear from people how polite, well behaved, and respectful my kids are. They are now adults and I am so proud of them, they are wonderful adults.
If the child doesn't have manners, respect etc. I don't think it's the child's fault, I think it's the parents fault for not instilling those values. It's harder to be a good parent then a bad parent.

Anonymous said...

Peter, I enjoyed reading your post.

I am a stay home Mom, children ages 8 and 10. My husband has a professional job that brings in enough for us to be comfortable.
I use my time wisely to clean, cook, shop, laundry and other duties as well as be there for our children after school.

Is it wrong for a mother not to work if her children are of school age? Few mothers I know stay home even when they can afford to. I feel my place is better utilized at home.

Just curious...

Anonymous said...

I'm not Peter but if you are happy staying home, stay home. It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks or what they choose to do.
Personally, I encourage women to educate themselves so if something happens to the spouse who pays the bills, they are able to support themselves and their children. Divorce rates are high now days in addition, illness and accidents happen resulting in death or disability.
You can lose a spouse, child, house, job, etc, but the one thing you never lose is your education.
Dawn

Lis said...

OT
Hobnob, he may have told her a line like, "Bryan told me to pick you up, he's waiting for us at---" or something like that.

I hope she is ok. I have a bad feeling, though. I just hope they can track this guy down.

Peter Hyatt said...

Anonymous said...
I'm not Peter but if you are happy staying home, stay home. It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks or what they choose to do.
Personally, I encourage women to educate themselves so if something happens to the spouse who pays the bills, they are able to support themselves and their children. Divorce rates are high now days in addition, illness and accidents happen resulting in death or disability.
You can lose a spouse, child, house, job, etc, but the one thing you never lose is your education.
Dawn
May 17, 2013 at 11:51 PM


I am Peter, and find this post to be intelligent and wish it had been ascribed to me.

Peter

Anonymous said...

I consider "work" to be in the form of being productive. Work doesn't necessarily mean earning a paycheck, although, yes, it is what will pay the bills. However, being productive and working in the home is still "work". No one else is going to clean your home, wash your clothes, or cook your meals and let's not forget the daunting trip to the grocery store every week or more as well as taking care of the children's needs/bathing/homework/meals/Dr. visits/sports etc. This is still work. If it were a one parent household earing a paycheck they would have to pay someone to do these things as their probably wouldn't be time to do it all and certainly would need someone to care of the children.

Volunteering in youth sports or school is also working.

Sitting on the couch all day watching soaps doing nothing productive is not working.

To each their own.

I will never understand why if you are a stay at home mom you are considered "not working". I don't agree at all. It should be considered not earning a salary. I say it's working without pay.

Pak31 said...

All I can say as a person and a parent to a 16 year old girl is, know what your child is doing at all times, don't be afraid to question anything and everything. Keep the communication with your child open. Talk about a lot of things. You are the parent, you have the right to know what your child is doing. I think a lot of parents are more concerned with keeping their teen happy than to be the authority figure. Not saying this is the case with this family at all. Just saying that in today's times, vigilant parenting is necessary.

Anonymous said...

Pak31, that's right!

I have a 20 year old who doesn't live at him but I question her all the time and still remind her of safety tips. I will never stop parenting my children :)