Sunday, September 1, 2013

Statement Analysis in Protecting Children From Sexual Abuse

I have a friend of who's children love me.  She and her children have known me for less than a year and in that time, we've had fun together, with Sean and Christina,  at parks, at restaurants, mini golfing, and on lunch breaks.  Her children are adorably fun and as a father of older children, I miss having little ones.  She's a good mother, conscientious and hard working, and with an eagle's eye to protect them.  I admire her for it.

I have babysat them on a few occasions as they are well behaved and content with me.  It bring s me back to when Christina and Sean were little.

Her children also have cousins of whom I have enjoyed playing with, on lunch hour, for example, of when I have had some free time.  We throw a ball, or I organize games of tag, relay races or running bases.  Since they are all boys, I recognize the definition of a boy:

A boy is " noise with dirt on it."

I love it!

I run them down until they are tired, and keep them away from their video games (which I believe is destroying an entire generation of children's reading ability, but that's for another article) and return them nice and tired...

tired boys are better behaved boys.

Recently, when offering to drive her boys somewhere, I offered to take the cousins, too.  They would be well behaved for me and I had enough seat belts.

"Uh, well, its probably not a good idea", my friend said, looking a bit sheepish.  "It's just that their parents don't know you."

Good call.

Because of having spent so much time with our families, it did not dawn on me until that point  and I was glad to hear it.  Too many parents don't take such precautions.

                                  Even if it is a short meeting, it is better than nothing.

Meet your children's teachers.
Meet your children's coaches.
Meet anyone who wishes to spend time with your child.  Anyone.

Even a short meeting can let your parental instinct come into play.

You may consider me odd, and perhaps it is the literal thousands of interviews I have conducted, especially in the child protective services years, where I have had to ask, in each and every case, about possible sexual abuse.

How can you know if your child's coach is sexually attracted to your child?

This is the critical question and already, seasoned veterans of this blog know exactly where I am going. They know how to answer this question, without thought.

Ask him.

Yep.

Ask him.

"Are you sexually attracted to children?"

Objection:  This is ridiculously over-simplistic and naive.

Answer:   Just like the Reliable Denial is ridiculously over-simplistic and naive, which is why it is so challenging to get law enforcement to listen.

How many times must a boy say "I didn't do it.  I didn't kill my sister" before the idiots interviewing him believe him?

Better yet, how many times must the guilty avoid the Reliable Denial before the untrained or poorly trained recognize the failure to deny?

Listen to the answer.  Listen carefully.  Get him (or her) into the Free Editing Process.  (For new readers, this is where one is choosing his own words, rather than entering in to your language, repeating back to you, your own words.  In the Free Editing Process, it is extremely rare for someone to lie outright.  For more on this, please read through various cases, and search on the blog on "Free Editing Process" as taught by Avinoam Sapir, www.lsiscan.com).

Now, given the context, it will likely be accompanied by some sensitivity indicators, unless, of course, you are able to bring up the topic (in a gentlemanly, but firm manner, dads, or a lady-like, but firm manner, moms) of protecting your children. In this context, asking,

"Are you sexually attracted to children?" will not have the accompanying shock where the sensitivity in the response is due to the surprise.

You will be able to learn much from the response.  You also have the ability to post it anonymously here, and allow others' eyes to view it.  Be certain to include context, so that we are able to know if the question, itself, was done in a shock.

I have asked the question, "are you sexually attracted to children?" many times, and each time where I heard "no", with little else, I have been confident in the safety of the child, and did not find new information that contradicted it.  In each case where the answer had sensitivity indicators (plural), that alarmed me, subsequent information, including subsequent reports, confirmed for me the fear I had.

I even had one man pass a polygraph because he had never "molested" a child before.  His statement clearly showed deception, but the polygraph results showed no deception.

When I compared the language, I learned that the polygrapher did not, in the pre screening interview, learn the subject's personal, internal and subjective language.  He did not "molest", in his mind, he "tickled" the victim.

Subsequently, he was accused again, though I did not learn what came of the investigation.  His written statement even showed the timing of the sexual abuse, and his statement matched the disclosure by the victim, precisely.

I knew.

He knew that I knew.

A child can be sentenced to a life time of physical and psychological pain, medical complications, substance abuse, self-loathing and so much else, by a single moment of molestation.

In today's world where it feels that restraints of common decency are removed, and human sexuality is being reduced to amoral biology, parents cannot be too careful.


24 comments:

Hobnob said...

sad to say even when the truth is blatantly clear as to the guilt of the subject, their own words and even behavior have indicated their guilt therew will still be those who deny the guilt of the subject because they are too young, too pretty or handsome, are priofessionals, have a high education, are famous or rich.

They could never kill their child they are rich and have connections ( the ramseys)

They could never have killed their daughter and hidden her bodty, they are doctors ( the mccanns)

She could never have killed her room mate she is too pretty too young too smart (amanda knox)

He could never have raped little boys he was a coach at a university and ran a charity ( sandusky)

she killed him in self defence it was never murder she is the victim in this cos we know all men are abusive( jodie arias)

We can't even legislate for dumb h juries who when faced with a cocky lil gobshite will buy his unsupported stories over the forensic evidence (casey anthony)

Everyone knows it is the junkies, the alcoholics, the single parents, the poor, the unemployed, the deadbeats, the select nationality/skin color of your choice who rape and murder and abuse. living on a sink estate or deprived area makes you c guilty whereas living in a prime real esate area in a snazzt neighborhood makes you innocent.

some refuse to see and accept the obvious because it means they were deceived and they don't or won't accept they were deceived, lied to etc.

Lemon said...

"Ask him." -PH

Or her.

Anonymous said...

The father of one of my daughter's friends bothers me. There's no reason I can point to, but I'm just not comfortable around him. We always have the little girl at our house because of my concern. I'm going to ask him this question.

Anonymous said...

ANON at 5:14 funny how your statement shifts oddly. At first you say your daughters friend, then later when she visits your home you identify her as little girl. WEIRD maybe you should ask your self that question.

dadgum said...

Years ago, as a young stay at home mom I ran a small child care business to make ends meet. I would phone interview, then meet both parents and the child or children, before beginning care.

Several times over the years I spoke with parents who couldn't be bothered to have the face to face meeting. 'Why don't we just be a few minutes early on Monday?' they'd ask.

I would tell them I was not going to watch their child, and why. If they could not be bothered to spend less than 2 hours on a weekend to get to know me, my home, my husband and kids..then this was not the right home for them.

Nothing shocked me over the years..not parents forgetting their kids for hours on a Friday, not the mother who dropped the baby with her 6 year old home sick from school (not my charge, no paperwork, nothing) at the driveway and drove off. What if I was not there???

So many parents can't be bothered to put down the iPhone and find out what is happening with their kids...

Anonymous said...

Dad gum sorry but your post is confusing and just doesn't make sense.

Anonymous said...

Anonymous said...

Dad gum sorry but your post is confusing and just doesn't make sense.

September 1, 2013 at 6:10 PM

I totally understood it. Parents care more about their careers and belongings more than they care about their children.

Anonymous said...

Oooh. This got me thinking about a conversation I had awhile back. I went back and listened to a recording I have of my daughter's dad and I....discussing the rules for his supervised visitation (which he had just broken one, thus bringing up the discussion). For the backstory: he is restricted to supervised visitations only because he engaged in a very inappropriate behavior, with himself and his laptop, in the presence of my daughter. She was supposed to be asleep in his bed when this took place. As soon she told me, I reported it and took legal action to protect her. Anyways, back to the day of this recording.

He was upset with me for calling him out on the bad decision he made while dropping my daughter off for her visit with her dad (took off his pants in front of us), and the knowledge that it would be reported to the court. In his free editing he said, "you implied that I'm a pedophile." I have NEVER introduced that word or implied anything of the sort; I just reported exactly what she told me.

So he said, "you implied that I'm a pedophile," and I responded, "I do think you are a pedophile." His denial? "Absolutely not."

I went back and read all his statements from our court papers (lots in the past 4 months), and not one denial (reliable or otherwise). I'm so glad that this blog is here to help us to have discernment when it comes to dealing with people.

=( =( =(

we love lemon said...

If someone asked me thatquestion id punch them in the face!!!

Anonymous said...

You must be stupid then!!!

Anonymous said...

They're beautiful!!! Please, are they alive, safe and unharmed?

Anonymous said...

Years ago there wasn't i-phone, it's that parents need to get their prioritys straight.

Anonymous said...

So are you supposed to ask the person if they are sexually attracted to children, or your own child? I got confused which.

Also, if you want to know if someone did something to a child in the past, how do you phrase the question.

Anonymous said...

the question.
Did you do something to a child in the past?

Anonymous said...

Molesters often state "I would never hurt him/her/Billy/Susan." because, in their mind, they are not hurting the child, but rather loving them. I would like to see the question phrased something like this: "Using the legal definition of...did you ever...?"

Carnival Barker said...

I agree with the above poster that I'd be PISSED if someone asked me that. I would repeat the question back, not because I'm sensitive but because I'd think they were crazy and want to make sure I heard it correctly. I'd then want to know specifically what would make them ask me something like that.

Anonymous said...

Dadgum,
Re: Daycare- A parents dream employee.
So few like you I bet when you quit everyone cried or at least they should have.

a mom, grandma in the Midwest.

Peter Hyatt said...

"would never" is something readers here are familiar with.

"hurt" and "harm" are also terms readers here are familiar with.

rob said...

I've seen children dropped off at little league practice and games, never met the coaches, just sent another kid to ask 'what time to pick them up.
Had kids dropped off at my childs skate party, never met me before, left, and 30 late coming back. Invitation said '2 to 4pm".
Kids dropped off at church services and bible school, parents never been to the church, don't know anybody, drop and go.
Dead beat parents want a free baby-sitter, not a safe child.
The lazy parents are a big part of the problem.

dadgum said...

It never ceases to amaze me, rob. Parent with a 3 week old newborn wanting to meet briefly and dash..did she even know I lived at that address? This is what led me to eventually stop daycare. I cred more than many parents..so I narrowed it down to several families, and as the kids began school, I never replaced them.

Mr. 'gum and I almost got arrested today. For helping our daughter get her girls' own clothing. Bring it on..Anyone know a good defense attorney?? lol

Jen said...

Saying a prayer for strength and peace for you, and your dadgum!

Anonymous said...

My MIL who has HORRIBLE judgment of character recently got an apt with some dude she works with. She was SHOCKED I would not just let my daughter over there to hang out. "but he works as a security officer and I know him and he is nice" It has been a year and my daughter has NEVER been to her grandmother's apt and never will as long as some man lives there. There are so many gullible and naïve people out there. I don't trust anyone! If I ever were to meet this guy, you bet Id be asking him these type of questions and then some. And I still would not let my daughter over there!

Anonymous said...

If someone asked me that, I would think they were extremely bizarre. They wouldn't have to worry, though, b/c I wouldn't have anything to do with them OR their kids.

Scout

Vesta Duvall said...

Thanks for sharing this, Peter! A child's mind is undoubtedly fragile and prone to be traumatized at such a young age. Taking the extra measure of protecting your kids is the right thing to do. It is also advised to seek professional help in the event of something unfortunate happening. Take care and good day!

Vesta Duvall @ Zalkin