Monday, November 4, 2013

NFL Player Suspended for Bullying

NFL football players are tough; at times, the tough of the toughest.  They are not always "masculine" or strong in masculinity.

Masculinity is the sacrifice of strength for right purposes. This means to yield to those weaker, and not exploit weakness outside of the game itself, where the purpose is just that:  exploit the weaknesses of the opponent.  Gentlemen seek the comfort of others, yet can be fierce athletes and warriors, but save their ferocity for the opponent, and not for women, children, nor anyone vulnerable.  Masculinity  is controlled aggression guided by respect.  It does not gloat, nor showboat, boast or seek to further punish the defeated.  In war, masculinity gave quarter to the enemy, fed and cared for the sick and wounded, in spite of rage and hatred experienced in combat.

Robert E. Lee was such a man, who's ferocity in battle was legendary, just as renown was his care over his sick wife, of whom he was described as a female "nurse" in his tender care over her.  Once, in battle, soldiers reported that even in a hail of bullets, his demeanor was calm, as he bent over to pick up a tiny bird's nest where baby birds were vulnerable to being stomped by soldiers.  The dichotomy between strength and sacrifice was evident to all who met him.  His letters taught me more about parenting than any "how to raise children" book I've read.

Masculinity is timeless.  It is, however, out of "vogue" today, but it exists and examples of men sacrificing themselves for their wives, children, and the good of others continues to be found, though not readily recognized by the media, nor by Hollywood.  In Hollywood, the father, having lived for four decades upon the earth, is the "dopey, fumbling" idiot, with his stodgy intellect, is always wrong, while his 16 year old daughter, following her "heart", is always right.  Yeah, that's how the earth works.

Discussion of proper fatherly examples for athletes is another discussion for another day.

 The number of NFL players (and professional athletes in general) who are arrested for domestic violence, proportionately to the general population, is staggering.

In this case, one player so bullied another that the player left the team and sought professional psychological treatment; it was that severe.

The bully has taken to twitter to defend himself.  Richie Incognito has 'denied' the bullying, which apparently including cash payments.

Did he do it?

We let the player speak for himself.

"Enough is enough.  I want my name cleared"

Waiting for ESPN to "apologize"

Nowhere has he said he did not do it.  His team has now suspended him and has concluded, early in their internal investigation, that he "did it" to his teammate.

Cognito earned a reputation for being one of the dirtiest players in the league when with St. Louis.  A "dirty" player is one who must rely upon cheating to gain advantage.  If he has done these things to players and teammates, God help his wife and children.


Apple said...

OT but about bullying:
I am so happy to read this post today because i have a question for readers here. I often hear young nieces and nephews (ages 1, 4, 6) being told not to "tattle". It is enforced at home and at school. One even received a kindergarten award for not tattling. What is this new rule being promoted? My 2 year old son is not yet in preschool but my initial reaction to hearing this rule is of concern that kids wont report being physically or emotionally hurt. What am i missing? It may just be the hormones :) as i am due in December with my second baby but i was interested in your comments.

sidewalk super said...

All of us see these tactics (bullying) used by the current crop of politicians.

Sus said...

"I want my name cleared." is said in a passive tense. Who does he expect to clear it? He has taken to the social media so fans (what we call witnesses or bystanders in the bullying matrix) will take his side. Will he next hire an attorney to bully his way through the legal system.

Some people only know how to feel like more by making others feel like less.

Apple, in most anti-bullying programs the actions of the bystanders are emphasised. They are taught to not join the bullying and to tell an adult. That makes the "not tattling " award rather shocking to me. But then again, each situation is different. Sometimes unnecessary tattling can take over a "he's coloring with blue." when the teacher said to color it green. No one likes to control others more than a little kindergartener. I hope this makes sense, but I would check if it is a classroom award or a contract with a specific student.

Lemon said...

Congratulations Apple!

Jen said...

Congrats to Apple and family, what a lovely Christmas present! xoxo

Anonymous said...

there's a new document posted online written by knox. a letter to raffie one year into prison time. reads a lot like she's trying to persuade him to keep quiet. maybe worth analysis. /

Anonymous said...

OT: Here is the link to today's article about the letter Amanda Knox wrote to Raffaele Sollecito.

Amanda Knox wrote a heartbreaking letter to her Italian lover while both were locked up for the murder of Meredith Kercher, in which she dreamed of the moment the pair would be freed, it emerged today.
Knox was one year into her sentence when she decided to reach out to Raffaele Sollecito, who had been trying to distance himself from her as the case intensified. They had been dating less than two weeks before the November 1, 2007 murder.

Read more:
Follow us: @MailOnline on Twitter | DailyMail on Facebook

Anonymous said...

There is also this article from yesterday, about Amanda Knox.

This past Thursday, October 31, 2013, a panel of experts gave a briefing before the US Congress about the case of Amanda Knox and Raffaele Sollecito. Knox, an American citizen, and Sollecito, had been charged in 2007 with the murder of Knox’s British flatmate, Meredith Kercher, in Perugia, Italy. The case made headlines around the world with many important commentators calling into question the fairness of the proceedings against the two. An Italian Supreme Court ruling in March overturned Knox’s 2011 acquittal, raising the possibility of extradition and renewing US Government interest in the case.

Apple said...

Sus, thank you. I will look into it more. It sounds like a strange concept but it may just be because my son hasnt hit that stage yet.

Thank you Lemon and Jen! I am both nervous and very excited. This will be our second and because of my age, our last. :)

My2cents said...

Congrats Apple :D

I'm old but I was raised and raised my kids to tell an adult if some one was being or about to be hurt or something was or was being damaged. I don't remember either myself or my kids having difficulty understanding the difference between that and tattling, which to me is just the annoying habit of pointing the finger at someone.

Tania Cadogan said...

Congrats Apple xx

Masquerade said...

Congratulations Apple!

I think tattling is not viewed the same as telling an adult something important (like bullying), but I also don't understand how a child can decipher the difference.

As an adult, would you "tattle" to your boss if Mary was 2 minutes late arriving to work? Would you step in and bring to your bosses attention that Mary was harassing/bullying other employees? There's a difference, but I'm not sure how to help a small child decipher between the two. If a child thinks someone is doing something wrong, I don't think they should be labled as a "tattler". It's something that probably just takes time and patience to teach. They have to learn that some things are "tell" worthy, and some things aren't, I guess.

All that being said, I am really surprised about the No Tattle Award. I wonder if that might prevent kids from understanding the importance of coming forward during a bullying incident, or something of similar nature. They might be afraid to be labeled a "tattler".

Masquerade said...

OT - Abigail Hernandez

Abigails father has put out an open letter to Abigail. I'm wondering if Peter or anyone could apply SA? I'll post a link to it, as I'm not sure if it's ok to post the entire letter. I can post the letter if need be.

I'm wondering why it seems like the parents are geared more to her having run away. I'm not getting the feeling that she ran away. How does a 14/15 year old, run away, all by him/herself, and leave no sign? Would they know not to use their cell phone and social media? Where would they go, with no "help"? I don't see how this girl could run away and completely hide out on her own. If she was coerced by an older person (my mind drifts towards an older male), I don't think I consider that as running away.

Thinkin it over said...

Congratulations, Apple. I believe the fact you question the "new rule" means your children will have a very good idea of when it isn't tattling but reporting what you know.
We, IMO, do our children a huge disservice when we don't teach them to stand for what is morally right, even if telling on someone is part of that. I am not talking about Johnny tugging on Susies hair type of tattling, but maybe Johnny grabbed Susies hair and slammed her head type of reporting. Children are often told, by their parents and peers, not to tell, or "narc", even when asked directly by someone in authority. We have to teach basic right from wrong philosophy and stress our moral obligation to see "right" prevail. We, as parents, instill in our children the definition of justice and feed their need to see it done.
I am slowly backing away from my soapbox, thanks for listening. :)

Anonymous said...

"Apple's""lemons"and "Hobnob"biscuits!!! Only on statement analysis!lol

Periwinkle Paisley said...

Masquerade, that is definitely a dilemma for kids. When is it tattling and when do you really need to tell? I have always told my kids that tattling is done for the sole purpose of getting someone in trouble and/or making yourself look good. "So-and-so isn't doing his work!" (as if it's some of their business) "He colored on my picture" and my personal favorite "She took that toy from him." (note that the wronged party in this case does not care, is not crying about it and has already moved on from the incident.)

Telling is for when someone is going to get hurt, has already been hurt, repeatedly harassed, or something might get broken. What makes it more difficult is that if the teacher doesn't see the incident or if the teller doesn't know how to express what really happened so that they are taken seriously.

There's a difference between "He called me a name" (tattling) and "He has been repeatedly bothering me. I asked him to leave me alone, I walked away and now I am implementing the third step of the anti-bullying mantra Tell-An-Adult." Kids often don't have the language to express this. It's important to keep going over with them (either as a mom or a teacher)to say that you already tried to handle things first before coming to an adult. Otherwise it does sound like tattling.

Masquerade said...

Very good explanation, Periwinkle.

"tattling is done for the sole purpose of getting someone in trouble"

Thank you! That's probably the easiest way to explain it to small kids.

Sus said...

I think tattling is part of a developmental stage. A child begins noticing those around him, yet still connects it to "me, me, me." It's difficult for the child to decipher between a true injustice and something simple they wouldn't do, but really isn't hurting anyone.

On my soapbox...this is where good parenting comes in. We need to teach our children compassion through example and discussion. We need to teach our children that different doesn't mean wrong. Then "tattling" subsides once they're through the minefield of "me, me,me".

Don't we all want to be and have children who accept differences without "tattling"? And don't we all want to be and have children who show compassion and stand up to injustice? It's a fine line a child is learning while a kindergartener/ first grader.

Sus said...

Congratulations Apple. It's extra special to have a December baby. I have a Christmas baby...albeit 28 years old. :)

C5H11ONO said...

Martin posted on his facebook page, "Don't believe everything you read".
Curiously, I wonder what he means, since he is speaking in the negative. This was on 10/31/13. Does this mean this is not an emotional issue for him.

Suzanne said...

Just saw this today:

Obama denying promise of "if you like it you can keep it" re: insurance/Obamacare...

I think his pants are now officially on fire.

Tania Cadogan said...

off topic

COLUMBIA -- The Missouri Court of Appeals Western District has vacated the conviction of Ryan Ferguson in a 2001 felony murder case.

Ferguson and his attorneys argued that newly discovered evidence showed he was innocent and claimed that his due process rights were violated, depriving him of a fair trial.

Tuesday morning, the Court of Appeals concluded that Ferguson "has established the gateway of cause and prejudice, permitting review of his procedurally defaulted claim that the State violated Brady v. Maryland, 373 U.S. 83 (1963) by withholding material, favorable evidence of an interview with Barbara Trump, the wife of Jerry Trump, one of the State's key witnesses at trial. The undisclosed evidence renders Ferguson's verdict not worthy of confidence."

His conviction was overturned and Ferguson was ordered discharged from custody, unless the State files to retry him within 15 days.

Boone County Prosecutor Dan Knight told KRCG 13 in a statement that he "is aware of the opinion issued today from the Missouri Court of Appeals, Western District regarding the Ryan Ferguson case". The statement also explained that "until he has had time to read the opinion and to discuss the matter with the Attorney General's Office, he is unable to comment".

Ferguson was convicted on the testimony of Charles Erikson in the 2001 murder of Columbia Daily Tribune sports editor Kent Heitholt.

Heitholt was leaving his office Nov. 1, 2001 when he was beaten and left to die in the parking lot. Ferguson, who was 19 at the time of the crime, wasn't named as a suspect in the case until early 2004 when his childhood friend, Chuck Erickson, told police he and Ferguson committed the crime.

Four years after Erickson's confession - which landed both him and Ferguson behind bars - the troubled teen said he lied at Ferguson's trial and that the two didn't commit the crime.

Stay with KRCG 13 for the latest details in this case. We will update this story as soon as more information becomes available.

Local anon in the Hailey Dunn case said...

Congrats Apple

Periwinkle Paisley said...

It is about time that Ryan Ferguson was released. Good news, Hobnob!
Apple, once your second (Congrats by the way!)is old enough to start bugging your first, you'll see what we mean about tattling. You'll definitely figure it out very quick ;) (she's making a face at me, he was gonna hit me, she called me a doodie-head, he took my toy, she's chewing with her mouth open, I can't hear the TV because he's talking and on and on ad nauseam) If you address every tattle, you'll be settling petty disputes all the livelong day and never get anything done. I am guessing the No Tattle award was given by a teacher who was ready to pull out her hair. If the teacher is any good she'll have discussed what's a tattle and what's supposed to be told before implementing the rules.

Apple said...

Thank you for the explanations. They make perfect sense. I cant wait for the kids to get to that stage.. o boy.
I have seen my niece hit my nephew over the head, my nephew tell his mom that his head hurt because his sister hit him, then get reprimanded for tattling. I now see what you mean about tattling and that the few instances I have witnessed, it was poorly implemented. Thank you!

Thank you for all the congrats, I feel very blessed- as well as scared. Did I mention it's a girl? EEK! :)

Anonymous said...

@ Apple! Congrats and i hope she/you/he and them all have happy lives :)

Sus said...

I would appreciate if someone would direct me to a reliable denial by Ryan Ferguson. I have never heard one from him. He says he is innocent, he would never do that, and most often that he doesn't believe in prison.

Anonymous said...

My husband brought this up at dinner and said that this guy must be a wimp and must have been coddled that he can't take being called names. My son was listening intently and said to him "Dad, don't you know there is emotional abuse too, not just physical abuse?"
My husband was trying to make a joke out of it saying the guy should have had a tougher skin and learned to deal with it, and I said "well, maybe some people would have chosen to deal with it, but maybe this guy decided he didn't feel like being called names every day and this is how he decided to deal with it."
I made a point of saying that it is not manly or being a "tough guy" to call anyone names including other men and it seems to be a terrible way to "work together as a team".
I could have just sat there and let him joke about it, but my son was listening and I made it clear that there is nothing manly about calling anyone names and noone should be expected to "put up with it".

Sus said...

Sorry. Believe = belong

Jen said...

Hi Suzanne-

I saw the same thing...same lying double talk as always with him!

Nanna Frances said...

Apple: Wonderful news! Hugs and Blessings!

Apple said...

Thank you, Nanna!

Local anon in the hailey Dunn Case said...

OT, Amanda Know'x ex- boyfriend's statement regarding the re-trial. Not a reliable denial.

Periwinkle Paisley said...

Maybe your husband didn't realize what Incognito actually said and did, Anon 11:07 PM. Leaving voicemails calling someone the N-word, saying you're going to sh** in their mouth plus hurt their family. What the hell? Is that ANYONE's idea of a funny joke or just teasing? I don't think we even need Statement Analysis to tell us something is really wrong with that person. Who says stuff like that unless they're psychotic?
Good for your boy knowing what's right!

Anonymous said...

i agree anon 11:07, when the school told me my son just needed to learn to deal with it, i asked what does deal with it mean, how should my son deal with it. they suddenly had to leave the office and after a half hour i left. but i was thinking, hey if i jump over that desk and punch you in the face, i would expect you to just deal with it bitch.

John Mc Gowan said...

Congratulations Apple :)

Tania Cadogan said...

Off topic

A Texas teenager has pleaded guilty to fatally beating a five-year-old boy with a bowling ball.

Sida Osman was found dead in the backyard of a vacant Fort Worth home in June.

A 14-year-old was later arrested and charged with the child's murder.

Authorities said the teen admitted to others that he had struck the boy twice in the head with a bowling bowl.

He reportedly said he became irritated after the five-year-old continued to pester him about being taken to a nearby store.

A trial was slated to begin on Wednesday, but a last-minute deal saw the teen enter a guilty plea.

As part of the deal, the 14-year-old will spend 23 years behind bars, the Fort Worth Star-Telegram reported.

Authorities are not identifying the teen because of his age.

The Star-Telegram said the teen briefly addressed the courtroom during Wednesday's hearing.

"I just want the family to know I'm sorry," he reportedly said through tears.

Sida Osman was reported missing a day before his body was found. He was last seen riding his bike.

The child was living with his family in a Fort Worth community that is home to several ethnic minority Somali Bantus who fled their war-torn country for the US.

Anonymous said...