The Personal Prison of Lies
by Peter Hyatt
This is a sad article, but one of reality from observation and experience.
Readers of Statement Analysis are not the "low information voter" we often hear about in our day.
Readers are known by their comments, even when politically charged. Rare is the comment that is more suited for a bumper sticker than an argument.
Thus I write to those readers who have cared enough to learn, not simply about a specific case, but to learn a new skill.
Readers who stumble here because of a case are welcome, but it was "the conclusion of the matter" that they sought. "Was he lying, yes or no?" whereas regular commentators were not only concerned with the principles that drew the conclusion, but that I, as author, continue to follow principle, and "prove it" time and time again.
Hey, it's hard to be right so often.
Yet, it is exciting to know that the principles followed are evenly applied and "scientific", in that, this is not about, "hey did you see how she averted her eyes, and her face muscle twitched?" in a manner that cannot be applied consistently. Commentators are not afraid to call me upon the carpet and demand answers.
Good for them.
I often say (and will, as readers have helped me move another step towards recorded lessons) "he who asserts must prove" and even the socialists among us enjoy this. It is where we find unity in a day when our nation is more divided in any time since The War of Northern Aggression, I mean, the War Between the States.
Liars are something we agree upon.
Liars on both sides of our political divide.
We almost must elect "he who lies least" in our day. Sad, but so.
Yet, what of those you have met?
What of those that you have, over time, discerned, using the skills you learned here?
For some of you, the skills were already there; I simply applied principle to your intuition, and even as I state this, you are aware that I am in the debt of one, Avinoam Sapir, of LSI, who brought forth the incredible research and tied it in a package of which all stripes of investigators have come to love, and benefit from. Some have stolen from him, without even a nod, while others, myself included, make certain that the public knows where the master trainer and author can be found. This is why I regularly post his website, in case you wondered. LSISCAN
You've learned and you have grown, regardless of source, and you have encountered someone in your personal or professional life who is a liar.
A fabricator of reality, known, not for a single lie in a moment of weakness, something we all do, and must be remorseful and turn from, but one who cannot turn it off, any better than Statement Analysis can be silenced in the mind of who has practiced heavily upon. The liar. The one who is not only known for his or her lying, but something else. Hence, or as Patsy wrote, "And hence...", the target of my article.
The Liar, the one who lies regularly, is known for two things:
1. Lying when lying is not necessary
1. Lying when there is no cause to lie is a sign of a habitual, or lifetime liar. This is the one who learned in childhood and has lied, likely learning to lie just to survive in the most formative years, and who will lie even when it is not necessary to do so.
This is the one who, perhaps, suffered abuse before the age of 5, and learned to survive by her wits, and learned the "reward"of the lie; that is, she got away with it.
Because she felt the rush of success when she lied, and saw that she got away with it, her confidence in lying surged, which by consequence, meant her opinion of others fell, after all, "I must be smarter than this teacher. I lied and she didn't catch me."
This spreads until there are life long consequences in the formation of the personality:
The liar holds us all in contempt. She must to, by virtue of her success in lying. This is the precise reason the dopey liar will take and fail a polygraph: she has deep and abiding faith in her ability to put one over you, and put one over me, so a machine should not be too much trouble.
Some will do this with a flashy smile. Women will lie using sex appeal, just as a male, often seen as a sociopath, will use innate charm, coupled with lies, to accomplish his feats.
The contempt for us, belies the pride within self, which is often the source of the fall. The prideful sociopath is goaded, by police, into taking the polygraph when he knows he should not take it.
This contempt is a form of prison that the liar cannot break out of, but if this was not specifically a negative, other than the weak spot for the fall, there is a blaring negative that they can never escape:
The liar believes everyone is a liar.
It is this simple.
The liar can lose sleep just wondering who is plotting against her, just as she plots against others.
The liar finds no rest for his soul, as he thinks everyone will lie to him in business, even as he lies to everyone else in business.
The liar thinks the car salesman is out to get him, personally, and burns with rage over prices.
The liar thinks that an item purchased for $25, but later on sale for $20, was a personal insult and a "defeat" of sorts, and may seek to "pay back" the store, or person who made the $5 extra dollars.
The liar struggles with peace. If the feeling of superiority is a positive (as they may not see it as a weak spot targeted by those smarter), the liar is fully aware that the feeling of suspicion is exhausting to the soul, as an incessant negative in life. It is a drain of energy. It can either cost sleep, or cause too much sleep, as if to hide from the lies. Hyper-suspicion, such as Post Traumatic Stress Disorder sufferers know, is constant for the liar. It is a personal prison.
Can you imagine going through life believing anyone and everyone is out to best you? Can you imagine going through life without trust, or without rest?
It is a personal prison of loneliness, for even other habitual or pathological liars do not get along well with each other.
It is a most lonely prison.
As a mother, the liar is suspicious, and even jealous of, her own off spring. It becomes a love-hate relationship and depending up which way the wind blows on any given morning, will depend on which is more dominant:
hate or love.
Love or hate.
But for you, astute readers who have learned, or have begun learning, to discern lies, it is a most sad and depressing observation.
"What can ya' do?
There is not much you can do, really, except perhaps, talk or write about it. It is a sadness that you may have observed, and/or, you have may experienced. I pity those of you who are employed or managed by a pathological liar. There is little you can do to "prove" your honesty. The liar cannot hear you. The liar cannot understand you. The liar believes you are beneath the liar's level of functioning in this world, and that you are to be manipulated and controlled, for whatever end is needed. The end may be productivity at work, or it may even be a satisfaction of the liar's need to dominate and control. It may be that the liar needs you to be the recipient of insult, affirming the "self esteem" of the liar by subordinating you.
This may be your lot in life, or, that is, the "crook in your lot" in life, as we all have them.
Is there any good news in all of this?
Yet it is that few care to hear what gold can await those who exercise patience with the liar. It is not gold for the liar I speak of, but of you, the recipient of the prisoner's projection upon you.
I take from another here, as I stand upon the shoulders of others, mine own being in debt to others:
Patiently grow under the liar, with quietness of heart, knowing that you will not change him or her: you will change within.
I attempted to explain this to my son, Sean, this morning. I said:
"Pretend that you have a Little League coach who lies about you. He says that he has to play his son over you because you were late to practice. Then, he says that you cursed out a team mate, when you did not. He slights you often, so that he can put his son into the game, though you belong there ahead of him."
This is a tough scenario for a 12 year old boy. I continued:
"Son, consider that this coach is a special person in your life, gift wrapped just for you, to bring you such maturity that you did not dream yourself possible. Consider that this coach is just for you and that each insulting blow that lands upon you, is being used to make you stronger, better, and deeper than possible through any other means. Consider that each time you silently suffer, and I allow you to bear it, you are becoming a man. One day, you will find yourself so much stronger, and look back, and be thankful for this vicious and low minded coach. Even while other parents are having fits and protests, your father is silently watching you embrace sanctified disappointments, and will be prepared for bigger and better things in life."
It was tough for him to follow this at age 12, so the best he was able to muster was, "I kinda understand, but I do trust you, Dad."
That's good enough for now.
The liar, if your supervisor, manager, or employer, is a "difficult taskmaster."
Be patient, however. Continue to produce good work. Don't get personal revenge and don't, please, just don't, point out the lies. If you think your life is difficult, try pointing out how the liar's language gives him away, and you'll long for the day when you suffered in silence.
Continue to produce.
Some of the best in this world are those who have embraced the most difficult of lessons from the most harsh of instructors.
Your keen eyesight has come with a price to pay, as you hear the deception and the sadness that deception breeds. Be silent, make note, and bear up well. It will not last forever. Come vent here, if it helps, even doing so anonymously. There are those who will understand. We'll be friends, even though you're always politically wrong, and I am always politically right. Or, even if we're not friends, you'll be able to laugh at the folly of politics and liars, with others, together, chuckling with that "knowing glance" that is understood.
"Peter's always wrong; that's what so right about him." Heather.
You've heard that before.
See the personal prison of the liar, even when the liar appears to profit, and don't let your heart either envy, or become overwhelmed with the projected oppression that you are under. Share here.
You'll be among those who understand.