Sunday, August 10, 2014

Profile: Grandiose Liar Part One

Casey Anthony lies like she breathes. 

Perhaps one of the more common liars in a world where lying directly is most uncommon,  is the "Grandiose Liar."

The Grandiose Liar (GL) is a pathological liar who is often above average in intelligence, and eventually works himself or herself into a position of authority over others.  This struggle to prominence is built upon deception and I have found, empirically, that males and females fall on very different sides.  This is not a scientific study, but simply based upon personal experience, some of it acute, in the past decade.

Both are above average intelligence.

Both lie, outright (making them rare in terms of the general population), in order to vaunt up their own status.

Both lie in great and small matters; noting specifically that the GR lies when there is no need to lie.  This is the key to understanding the pathological nature:  childhood where one lies like one is breathing.

Here is the area in which I find the gender splits:

The Male Grandiose Liar is more likely to be under-employed, small amount of authority, yet a perception of greater authority, while the Female Grandiose Liar is more likely to have real authority over others, along with tangible success, in some level, over others.

Both are often ruthless.

He will lie to himself believing that he has been cheated out of everything he deserves, while she will lie to herself justifying her deception, whenever seen, as a necessity for business or even for her gender.  "A woman must lie and scheme to get ahead."

Both consider themselves "very" moral and "very" ethical in life, and will always grade themselves on a curve, frequently projecting their guilt by pointing out the guilt of others.

Both will make subordinates' lives miserable.

He is more likely to be a "McDonald's manager type; short sleeves, with a tie, using perceived and real authority to bully others, who, at minimum wage and often in high school or college, are getting their first experiences with workplace negotiation in life.  It can be a rough lesson.  If you are a McDonald's manager reading this at Statement Analysis blog, I bet you agree with me.  (If you are reading here and a manager, I also bet you were not hired as a manager there, but worked your way up, and have enough self awareness to treat workers with dignity and respect.)

She is likely to have a domain in which she fiercely guards over, making sure no challenge to her authority exists.  She uses her gender against her enemies, even baiting them in a way as to later accuse them of misogyny in their criticisms.  She may be a supervisor of only ten employees, but her rule is absolute, and it is at meetings where others attend that she invites "constructive criticism" while her own workers know not to dare open their mouths and speak.  Her superiors hear the invitation and are pleased, while her workers exchange knowing glances.  If they despise her (and they often do due to her condescending attitude), they will gossip about her and take distant shots to undermine her.  This further exasperates her self-marytdom mentality and increases her suspicion.

Both are highly suspicious by nature and think everyone is a sneaky liar.  This is because they are both sneaky liars.

They will accuse others of doing unethical things because they do unethical things.

They will steal, under a variety of methods in which it never "feels" like stealing, even as they accuse others of doing so.

Both are ruthless and enjoy when others fear them, even if they 'apologize' of sorts, saying, "I don't want people to fear me", while barely concealing their delight.  (yes, micro expression).

The Grandiose Liar vaunts up self.

"I won $3,500 last week in Vegas!" without revealing that she lost $4,500.

You will note that the GL's children are all praised beyond any common norm, and the tip off is to follow the language.  If the child is described as being "number one" in her class, you should not be surprised to find out that she is at the bottom of her class, academically, but "number one" in something either insignificant, or even nefarious.  ("Number one in missing class, or missing homework").

The Grandiose Liar is often Passive-Aggressive, meaning that you may get the smile, while the dagger is being sharpened behind your back.  Feigning poverty upon leaving the White House, acutely aware of just how out of touch she is with the struggling middle class, Ms. Clinton profited from futures in a way that defies lottery odds.





The Grandiose Liar will not abide disagreement, even while feigning "open mindedness" in hearing
the disagreement.

The Grandiose Liar cannot stand her judgment questioned.

Begin taking note of the stories told and begin to ask yourself, much like the Negation principle, if the very opposite is true.

In Statement Analysis, the "Negation" is something said in the negative, while in an open statement.

For example, If one answers, in the negative, a question, it is an appropriate response.  But in an open statement, when one tells you what did not happen, for example, you should not only be on alert for deception, but the possibility that the person is telling you the opposite of what it appears!

This is a bit extreme, but it happened recently in a job interview.  In job interviews, depending upon what State you live in, the laws are stacked against employers and there are many questions you are not permitted to ask...unless...

Unless the subject brings up the topic.

"I'm not an alcoholic."

(I didn't ask the subject if he was an alcoholic)

"What's your favorite drink? I love good ale with rare steak..."

This is not an investigative interview, but an employment interview.  Note that I assumed the subject drank, and then allowed him to assimilate himself with me.  This led to a disclosure of a whopping untreated alcoholic problem that would directly relate to transporting individuals at risk.  And, depending upon what State you live in, could put your company on the tab for rehab services, beginning at $15,000 and on upwards.  Not only would lives be in jeopardy should the subject drive, but the financial costs as well as the company's reputation, could all be factors.

Human Resources professionals do not have an easy job today.  Once upon a time, they sought to get the best applicant to the right position.  Today, the rules have changed due to the government's attempts to right foolish wrongs.  Companies that wish to prosper need to hire the best and brightest; period, and skillful interviewing can uncover those who may be applying, not to work, but to game the system today.

Some Human Resources professionals even need to prove why they did not hire someone.  For this, we do specific training on Analytical Interviewing scoresheets to allow businesses to hire the best and brightest of the applicants, while avoiding false accusations of discrimination).

The Grandiose Liar will speak in an abundance of negatives, often boring others to death, while you, the trained listener, picks up on the "issues" coming from his or her mouth.

The Grandiose Liar's main objective is less about self-protection and consequence, than it is about appearing larger than life, bigger than big, and more powerful than he or she really is.

The worst case scenario is when the Grandiose Liar has real authority.

Few people understand what a corporate bully can do to subordinates.  Bullies are often characterized as school yard punks who need their own nose blackened to bring them down to earth, true enough, but in the corporate world, even in small companies, they can, and do, make one's life a living hell.

I know of one male Grandiose Liar who tormented a female subordinate.  She was smarter than him, even while sleeping and, worst of all, he knew it.  She made the critical error, when first meeting with him, to show her intellectual prowess and the threat was resounding.

For the next two years, he reduced her to the point where she retreated into depression, therapy and medication, coming dangerously close to suicide and resignation.  She held on, just long enough, to see his pride cause his fall, and now speaks of those two years in life as great learning experiences.

What was the worst thing she did?  Was it to show that she was intellectually valuable to the company?

The nature of a bureaucracy is to sustain itself.  In a business in which a profit must be shown, those at the top often do not care about anything but the bottom line.  This is good news for hard workers.

But in a bureaucracy, the best and brightest are often marked and deliberately not promoted because there is no need to show a profit, and the best and brightest will only challenge the immediate Superior's job.

I once was told that up to 70% of promotions in state government went to those who were not simply unqualified, but were incredibly unqualified in reality, though not on paper.  Later, in interviewing middle management (including retirees, who did not fear to speak out), I learned that the number may have been significantly higher than 80%.

The skillful middle manager in a bureaucracy cannot simply promote Bozo the Clown to entry level supervisor, for that would draw too much attention.  A senior management once told me, regarding a female supervisor that she was "a true moron in every sense of the word."

2 months later, she was promoted, by him, to a level closer to his own.  His language also revealed that he was sleeping with her, but that's for another article.

He was protecting his position.  He is a fierce, ruthless, self absorbed Grandiose Liar.  He once went to a police academy and gave out the 800 number for troopers to call to reach State government social services.  On his resume, this turned into, "Police Academy Instructor" thinking that no one would bother to check.

This promotion means that decisions that impact citizens' lives would be made by someone who was in deep over her head, but would be forced to make life decisions.

State decisions don't scare you?

Authority to remove a child from your home, in an "ex parte" hearing, at a judge's home, after hours, in which you will not attend.

How's that for authority?

I'm neither Republican nor Democratic in allegiance, but am very much in favor of small, limited government and very big on personal responsibility.  The endless making and amending of laws benefits lawyers.  When you hear that the French don't allow children to have ketchup, you are looking at those who work for a bureaucracy who may have been promoted due to weakness and may   not have had the intelligence to succeed in the private sector, but now bully the public with whatever the latest "research" indicates.  Apparently, ketchup is bad now.

Combine the narcissistic, passive-aggressive grandiose liar with some authority over how you feed your children and this is what you get.  Yet, people think that the government is always right.  In fact, the U.S. government is always right and those who do not agree may find themselves bombed into seeing just how right the U.S. government is.  When you hear the word "Hitler" from a politician, expect bombs to fall somewhere.

Ever get pulled over by a small-minded cop with a gun? Somehow, you got the feeling that you better "yes, sir" him more than the normal politeness expected because there is something very very wrong with this man...

I interviewed one who used to pull over his wife's ex boyfriends and put a terror into them that is inconceivable to most.  Needless to say, they quickly "unfriended" her on Face Book.

Back to our much smaller world in business.

Perhaps the biggest mistake you or I could make while under the authority of the Grandiose Liar is not to show our intelligence, as bad as that is, but to do something that is often unpardonable to the worker, anathema to the GL:

Point out the lie.

The one who lies out of fear of consequence may not be a Grandiose Liar.  Many people will panic in fear and tell a lie.

It is when you see the pattern of consistent vaunting up oneself, the hackles go up to appear larger, not only in challenges, but far more importantly:

When there is no reason to lie.

This is critical  to understanding how deep the liar's pathology goes:  right back to childhood.

Hence, we have similar characteristics with other types of pathological liars:

*Holding you, I, and the world in contempt, due to believing that he or she will put one over us.
*Self interest leading to potential difficulties in life, often unpredictable.
*Pummeling of others, often without mercy or regret.
*Prideful decisions eventually leading to a fall.

Remember the principle in parenthood of self praise?

"I'm a wonderful mother!" said Billie Jean Dunn.  Deep research has repeatedly affirmed this principle:  the need to praise coming from a specific source, whether it be the guilt of neglectful parenting, or the accusation of child abuse to the self-aggrandizing boastful parent.

You may hear some "One up-manship" in casual conversation where you come to work, thrilled because your daughter got an "A" in Latin.  (Yeah, I know,what world am I from?)  This will be met with the GL's approval, initially, until you hear about her daughter.

The GL will also seek compliments with flimsy comments like, "Oh, I am so overweight", expecting you to say, "Oh, not at all!"

You know what I am talking about, don't you?

You know, and you also know how hard it is to explain to your friends that if you don't take the bait and compliment her, you are going to pay for it later.

"I hear they are having a sale on Slim Fast down at..." will come back to bite you, dearly, as you dared to 'take down' any aspect of the Grandiose Liar's life.

The small minded bully desperately needs to feel better about himself, but at your expense.  This article may help you cope.

Identifying the GL, itself, is helpful in coping, and being able to express it, particularly in writing, can 'move the brain forward', that is, help process it.

I have written about this topic before, especially for sexual abuse survivors, writing out what happened first, followed by the accompanying emotions, next, helps a great deal with PTSD-like symptoms.

Like the woman described above, the GL can impact your health, threaten your family's survival, and make your life a nightmare of depression and anxiety.  Responsible adults just can up and quit, but know that there are mouths to feed and bills to pay.  Yet, you are not without help.

Take the time to journal out any pain inflicted upon you by the GL.  This will not only be therapeutically beneficial to you, and it will not only help our study here, but you will learn something new:

The Grandiose Liar lied to you a lot more than you ever realized.

As you begin to recollect, you will revisit some of the statements and think, "Hmm.  He repeated that often, making it sensitive.  Perhaps it was a lie."

You may find new topics in which you were lied to.

I have found that it is impossible to maintain a "high alert" status of lie detection when weeks turn into months, in the presence of a Grandiose Liar.  You will walk away wondering what else you were lied to about.

Knowing that the overwhelming majority of deception comes from deliberately withheld information, if you have experience with the outright lies of the grandiose individual, you have value knowledge for us all to learn from.




31 comments:

stark3923 said...

Who are the people in the pictures? I know Casey Anthony and the mayor of Toronto.

Thank you for the great blogs..I love these kins of blogs.

stark3923 said...

I recently watched a marathon of Dateline Mystery NBC.....one thing I noticed is most of the pathological liars all claim to be photographers...even serial killers....Casey Anthony, Jodi Arias, Rodney Alcala, Joseph Naso etc it is a very large list.....

Anonymous said...

The couple is the Moorers.

Anonymous said...

Good pointd stark! I have learned to fear them (photographers that is).

stark3923 said...

I now get why the MOORE'S are pictured in this blog..."his past didnt show violence of record even though we know the perpetrator has spent his lifetime of being deceptive etc just as this blog points out.

Kirk Truslow, an attorney for Sidney Moorer, called the case "extremely circumstantial at best" and said "nothing pointed towards tendency of violence" on the part of his client.

Thank you all for answering my questions....i am a very long time reader....and I love reading all your comments !!

Anonymous said...

Dark haired guy is Atty of Billie Jean Dunn. John Young

He quoted, early on, he to be swooned by MS DUNN?

Hailey is " our baby" he to continue, time passing, his statements of obtuse in the press.

A little bit unprofessional, I think the boob job was the cinch.

He she, they showing her makeover on local news. She, he next to her, the new set of twins the reason for their TV appearance. As there was no updates of finding Hailey, they got what they wanted: all eyes on Dunn

They chose to go on TV, her wearing a shirt that amplified her new assets. He to be butter in her hands. He thought he was winning, or he " won" when she chose him? he out of all the locally known Atty's, he felt special?

Where is he now? this why he is not recognizable, nationally. The locals know him, as he was arrested while retained by Dunn. He to have a reputation, some skeletons, prior to Dunn.

"Instead of trying to make this a 'whodunit' lets make this and keep this a where's Hailey,"

"We believe that the extraordinary efforts of the volunteers are going to pay off and that we're going to find our baby. We're going to find Hailey."

http://www.newswest9.com/story/14318202/billie-dunns-attorney-speaks-out

His arrest 2011/press to dig up his past. She chose him alright, easy prey.

http://lubbockonline.com/local-news/2011-06-16/ex-prosecutor-accused-pulling-gun-policeman#.U-fHW2OK2M0

Anonymous said...

http://motorsportstalk.nbcsports.com/2014/08/10/racetrack-owner-on-fatal-incident-i-cant-see-that-anybody-wouldve-done-anything-intentional-like-that/

This is a very disturbing statement.

Anonymous said...

Interesting comment about photographers and liars.

Anonymous said...

Does this mean all grandiose liars are sociopaths?

stark3923 said...

WHY does any1 think Mark Redwine murdered his son Dylan?

(police found only 3% of remains)
(dad had mental breakdown 1 yr after remains found)

Anonymous said...

Blogger stark3923 said...

WHY does any1 think Mark Redwine murdered his son Dylan?

(police found only 3% of remains)
(dad had mental breakdown 1 yr after remains found)

August 10, 2014 at 3:58 PM

Leave your comment

I remember reading that Mark Redwine was mean to Dylan.
A mental breakdown doesn't prove innocence anymore than it means guilt.

Anonymous said...

Dark headed guy above the moorers, is pilly jean dumbs old attorney who was arrested with a weapon and dui charge

Anonymous said...

OT

Anybody ever seen Billie Jean Dunn's facebook comments? Not only does she profess animosity towards Peter and his defenders, but she also has a habit of not hitting the space bar after punctuation. I found that interesting.

Katprint said...

OMG! This completely describes an ex of mine! He never actually achieved any professional positions of authority (although one of the most provably false series of lies he told were about his fascinating jobs he [never] had) but woe betide anyone with the misfortune to be his friend or family. :-/

Hobnob said...

off topic

Michigan authorities are closing the investigation into 18-year-old Hayley Turner's claim she was abducted along a road and held hostage for 16 hours, saying it never happened.

The Monroe County sheriff's department says a detective and an FBI agent re-interviewed the woman Sunday and 'determined that the incident did not take place.'

The department says it's forwarding a report to the county prosecutor's office for review.

The department says the woman earlier reported being abducted after stopping her car when she saw someone lying along a road Thursday night. The site is in Bedford Township, just north of Ohio.

Ecorse police Cpl. Chris Trevino tells the Detroit Free Press that a driver saw the woman jump from the vehicle in the Detroit suburb Friday afternoon before it sped away.

Earlier this week, southeastern Michigan was relieved when Hayley Turner was found after a 17-hour air and ground search on Thursday.

She was 40 miles from home when she was seen jumping out of a moving vehicle in Ecorse after making a chilling call in which she claimed a man with a gun was approaching her

According to Click on Detroit, Turner gave the homeowner her mother's cell phone number before the homeowner drove her to the Ecorse Police Department.

Initially police believed Turner may have been abducted when she disappeared after a phone conversations with a friend that was cut off.

Indeed, authorities became worried when they learned that Turner had spent Wednesday going about routine tasks.

She had gone to a local video store to rent some movies and spoke to her friend as she headed home around 10pm.

A rental receipt would show that the Notre Dame Academy student had rented Muppets Most Wanted and Divergent.

Employees would later tell the authorities that she was happy and smiling.

Then on her drive home, she told her friend that she had spotted a man lying in a ditch and that she was going to check on him.

'Seconds later, Hayley told her friend "he has a gun" and the phone was disconnected,' Monroe County Sheriff Dale Malone related to reporters at a news conference.

Police now believe this to be false, however, it did not stop a huge search being launched that utilized dogs, helicopters, and even enlisted FBI agents.

Turner's family said the girl had been struggling with some emotional issues this year.

Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2721543/BREAKING-NEWS-It-never-happened-Michigan-teen-claimed-abducted-16-hours-mysterious-man-gun-LYING-police-say-close-investigation.html

SuzyQ said...

Peter- Are there defining differences between the Grandiose Liar and the Narcissist?

We're dealing with a family member who monopolizes nearly every conversation with her stories. In each one she is the hero, the smartest, the only one who could solve the problem (regardless of the problem). In each one, she's being praised by others. She's always portrayed as the smartest, wisest; the best at whatever. She's constantly butting into other family members' conversations. She offers unsolicited advice, as if she's an expert. She absolutely will not admit she's wrong, even when directly confronted with evidence of her error.
She's always told us that her family doesn't treat her well because they are jealous of her or don't like her because she's so moral. We've begun to suspect it's because she's such a braggart, know-it-all, etc.

Lately, she's taken to telling perfect strangers how her children were the only ones in her extensive family that their Grandfather adored. She's bored perfect strangers at social events, with her favorite subject...herself. We've caught her literally changing our actual less-than-perfect life experiences into a more flattering version, in which we (her family members) were the adored friend, teammate, etc. We're always the best-behaved, brightest, etc.
Her stories often revolve around her putting a child/niece/nephew in their place (she was a teacher), telling a worker off, "correcting" some perceived disrespect/slight.
We're exhausted running interference and rescuing captive audiences. Our family motto has become "Distract and Divert" when she launches into her spiel.
How do we tell if she's a garden variety Narcissist or actually a Grandiose Liar?

Buckley said...

I did not write the comments at 9:02 pm or 3:37 am. I'll try a blogger profile from now on.

Chipmunk! said...

"I'm neither Republican nor Democratic in allegiance."

"in allegiance" is unnecessary additional information.

There may be others ways the writer is Republican or Democratic.

C5H11ONO said...

Stark3923 add another photographer to your list:
Christopher Wilder

Anonymous said...

Baby Gabby's father gives statement of apology to children he's sexually abused (this is the Australian couple who abandoned the twin with Down's Syndrome, leaving her with the impoverished surrogate in another country.)
The father, as it turns out, is a pedophile!!!
Of course, he claims his own daughter would be safe with him.
http://www.kidspot.com.au/community/thread/baby-gammy-what-do-you-think-of-the-parents-interview-on-60-minutes/

Anonymous said...

*Gammy, excuse me

Nic said...

Peter said: Combine the narcissistic, passive-aggressive grandiose liar with some authority over how you feed your children and this is what you get. Yet, people think that the government is always right.


I know a high-level bureaucrat in the Cdn federal government who this describes. She lies about everything! Like real simple stuff that I can hold up an email to her on my iPhone and *show* her that her written words contradict her spoken words! i.e., "miscommunication" about sleepovers between our girls. She has even smiled at me when she knew that I knew she was lying! Professionally she complains that other managers are "poaching" her division and "because of them", she has to "forever" hold competitions for new staff. (It couldn't possibly be because of her management style./sarcasm (her husband insists that she not touch her Blackberry outside of work and/or when on vacation because she cannot put it down/stop "managing" her (professional/highly paid) employees). Don't talk about politics. She hates the prime minister and it's all his fault they are going to through cuts. (No, cuts are decided by the Deputy Minister (in charge of the 'administration/day-to-day activities of her government department) based purely on the business case presented to him from HER boss.) But you can't tell her that! No way! And she knows everything because her job is to implement the policy and legislations that governs a certain food agency. So don't talk to her about blah-blah. You are treated as insubordinate and chastised and made to feel 'stupid' and yelled over if you dare talk back! She keeps her daughter up at the cottage in the summertime and ferries girls to her (rarely the other way around (see "miscommunication")). Her and her husband made a 'deal' that they both quit their jobs and move east (from BC) and take positions requiring less responsibility/time away from the kids. He sold a successful construction business and she was a high-profiled federal gov't employee. Within two years of moving east, she competed to where she was before they moved and travels more than she ever did. Her husband has stayed true to his word. He has also been loud about this betrayal, which she counters more loudly that the bills have to be paid somehow! Between moving and summer "schedules", it's been easy to drop this girl from my daughter's network. I can foresee the power struggle between her and her mother and the other girl ending up in the wrong place doing the wrong thing out of rebellion. I don't want my kid caught in the crossfire and LYING and then being blamed because God forbid the woman take responsibility for conditioning her kid to lie. (Kids are like a wet bar of soap. The tighter you grip the wet bar, the harder it is to keep hold of it.) We share a common friend and sometimes find ourselves attending the same luncheons; otherwise I wouldn't have anything to do with her.

Anonymous said...

https://gma.yahoo.com/mother-hot-car-death-being-treated-victim-134338536--abc-news-topstories.html

Anonymous said...

Off topic: update on Harris case https://gma.yahoo.com/mother-hot-car-death-being-treated-victim-134338536--abc-news-topstories.html

REK said...

I also identified many of these same traits with a grandiose liar I knew, a past boyfriend. I also believe he was a socoipath (he has since passed away since I knew him)

He however was not able to hold a job at all. He felt justified by claiming anxiety/panic with interactions with superiors. Maybe because they might call him on his behavior? He chose to rule the roost instead, and my pocket book.

Some other common traits- he proclaimed how incredibly smart he was to me several times, although I had a hard time believing it. I believed he could be smart in a manipulative way, yes, but many of his behaviors, lies, immoral behavior, etc did not agree to my idea of intelligence. nonetheless I as naive and as book smart as I was, I was not street smart to realize all of his lies.

He constantly lied, for no apparent reason, other to inflate his ego. I ran into a mutal friend of ours after we broke up, they were surprised to see me driving my car. I asked why.. and apparently my ex boyfriend had been bragging to this person that (my car I let him borrow) was his new car, the big screen tv I had purchased was also his, and a number of other possessions I owned as well.. there was no reason why he would have to tell these lies other than to make himself feel grand I suppose.

He also refused to acknowledge guilt, or feel guilt for that matter, even if you caught him red handed or with blatant evidence.

Indeed, I feel as though the whole relationship was a lie.

Now I am on the look out for liars or sensitivities.. not because it's in my own behavior to lie but because I was exposed to a liar for so long and I was so naive, it fueled a part of me to learn more about this matter to which I am so naive to.


Nic said...

Yet, people think that the government is always right.

Ever wonder why Canadians purchase milk in bags? Look up the legislation governing formats in which milk is *allowed* to be sold and you'll see that it is all about protecting the dairy farmer/controlling how much is sold. There is a "pilot project" being conducted in (?) Vancouver (?) right now to "monitor" selling 3 ltr plastic jugged milk (as opposed to the mL's we are forced to purchase via the 3-bag milk (between 3 and 4 litres). The tax payer is not allowed to choose whether they want the the 3 litre plastic jug or the 3 bag format because if we chose to purchase what was more convenient (the plastic jug) then we wouldn't purchase "enough" milk ($$ to dairy farmer).

The reason Vancouver was chosen for the (cough, cough) pilot project is because they all drive over the Border to buy (cheaper) grocers and milk in.... plastic jugs! The merchants are losing money so the government is 'fixing' the situation with the make work, er, i mean, pilot project.

Nic said...

Here is a link to bags versus plastic jugs. It's about volume sold/the bottom line. That's it.

http://ottawacitizen.com/news/local-news/jugs-or-bags-the-milk-debate-rages-on-at-carleton-university

Jen Ow said...

http://www.wwltv.com/news/Robin-Williams-found-dead-in-home-270822521.html

How terrible!

trustmeigetit said...

I had a boss like that…

And she did make my life hell….

I was a recruiter at the time for a large company.
When I started, having so many years in my field I didn’t need training and within days I was doing my job and doing it well. So much so most of the managers I supported complimented me to her.
I also quickly started getting calls from the groups she supported asking if she was in the office all the time (when she would be at her desk) because she didn’t return calls, answer emails and well, support them in in way.

She would then rip me apart pretty much daily over anything I did. Even once she removed some resumes on my desk and freaked out on me for “doodling” on them. I do that when I would do my interviews. It was not anything bad, latterly doodles and even when I told her that I typed up my notes later and attached to a clean resume that I just doodle when I talk, she insisted I was incompetent.
It was like that for about a year. I used to cry on my way to work.
I finally went into her boss and said I was either quitting or I needed to move to a new group. Lucky for me she had turned in her notice.
What amazed me was she did NOTHING all day. Yet somehow managed to be highly regarded by senior leadership. I know this because the director that I complained too actually had also been promoted and was taking her with her. I found out later of course after the announcements were made.
I was just glad to be rid of her.
She did have one final jab. Since she had been my boss for most of the year, she was still tasked with doing my review. Despite the fact that I was in before her and stayed after her every day, and the fact that I didn’t ever do anything of a personal nature at work because she sat next to me and watched and listened to everything, she had the nerve to end my horrible review (said I didn’t meet even expectations in just about every category) by adding one last little tip for me. If ----- had less personal phone calls, she might be more productive at her job”

I was so furious. Needless to say once she left I then got promoted based on merit.
She has since left the company and I noticed she has not held a leadership role since. She has taken a big step back.

Nic said...

trustmeigetit,

I worked in HR the last part of my federal gov't tenure and some of my private industry tenure.

The long and short of it is, I will never, (qualification) willingly, ever work for the PINK GHETTO (any woman dominate industry) again.

Private industry: My reporting manager told me that one woman who *reported to her* had to have a say as to who was hired. The qualification being that if a woman, she couldn't be prettier than her. I'm talking within the *entire* (global) company.

Another woman (same company) refused to show up to work until the head of Compensation had [them] reconfigure her office to be bigger and with a window. She refused to perform a certain portion of her job (counseling employees re exercised options) so she "lost" her entitlement to a proper office. That didn't matter. She refused to come back to work until they gave her a "big" office.

And they did! Personally I would have told her to show up or consider her job abandoned -- and to consider her "self-approved" leave LWOP. But that's me.

Oh and I hate "Survivor". The show that crap reality show everyone could only ever talk about at the "water cooler"... all day, every day.

foodnerd said...

This entire site and topic have been fascinating and educational, but right now I would swear you've followed around my former acquaintance/neighbor! It's actually startling all of the lights coming on, so many incidents and conversations explained at once. Just one minor example from literally dozens: She borrowed my truck when she was sold her house, downsized and got rid of a lot of junk.

When Grandiose Liar brought back my keys, a second after greeting me, without my asking or saying a word she looked me straight in my eyes and said, "The truck was never out of my line of sight for a second and the keys never left my hands for a second, I swear to God!" and gave me a big, bright smile.

I asked if she'd ever responded to "Secretary" who had called me a few times panicked he couldn't reach GL. (GL is notorious for doing this for no reason, yet getting livid when people don't call her back instantly, raging that their easily proven valid reasons are lies).
GL raises her voice, angrily snarling, "I've been driving back and forth all day long loading and unloading junk while Secretary just sat on his fat, lazy, worthless @$$ all day, so that's just too d*** bad if he needed me!"

I said, "He wasn't trying to bother you; he was at the dump, couldn't get the tailgate open on my truck and had no idea where you were."

You can probably picture this exactly: She raises and flaps her arms out in a dramatic STOP gesture, twitches her head a few times as if a hard object bopped her unexpectedly, and says in this angry, incredulous voice, "WHOA!!! Did you just call me a LIAR??!!?

I said, "No, you just did."

She immediately shifted to her plan B for every criticism,accusation, calling out,etc., and started screaming about how "ungrateful" I am, which she says about literally every single person she comes into contact with.