Tuesday, June 2, 2015

When The Deceptive Are Promoted


"My business is deception and business is a boomin'"
As a distinct incivility has descended upon us, the general population has become more comfortable with deception. 

Where once I taught my sons to always give up their seats to ladies, we now have "man spreading" so as to ensure the comfort of the man.  

Hope for a better tomorrow...and a gentleman to love my Natalee
There has always been deception in America, whether the scheming be 1920's bootlegging of dangerous liquor, the polygamy of "soldiers' wives" for allotment, or even the paying of protestors, from the crowd who yelled, "Give us Barrabas!" to "Hands Up!", and every generation in between. 

It is just that we have become so accustomed to lying and scandal that we give a collective "yawn" over the latest lie, and go ahead and elect the liar, just the same. 

When this picture is shrunk quite a bit, all of the sudden, the impact becomes painful enough to scream.  

Thus it is when you work for a liar, as an immediate supervisor or business owner.  What you will suffer is as difficult to predict as life itself.  

There are universal principles within Statement Analysis that are witnessed in application in all human organizations; from the lone bully who abuses his wife, to the family unit, to all business models, up to the highest levels of government.

1.  words reveal us all.  The words we choose indicate:

a.  Our background
b.  Our priorities in life
c.  Our experiences in life
d.  Our personality

2.  all of us project ourselves into human organizations.

Liars destroy.

This is what they do.

This is what they do no matter where they are found, no matter how deep their authority runs.   They control a woman with the threat of violence, in a Domestic Violence relationship, they trouble their family unit, trouble their employees, and in government, they project their opinion backed up with force:  their opinion is not 'optional.'

The liar pleases himself above others and if you consider the varying scenarios of which this self-pleasure may take place, your blood will run cold.

The liar also projects himself to all others.

This is where, for example, you encounter a middle manager who harps on employees under the belief that they are all deceptively abusing the company, in any manner from taking too long in break down, lying about sick time, working from home,

They do not trust, for example, their workers with tele-commuting, even though he does not know them personally, as in a large business or department.

Why does he instinctively believe that those who work from home are in their pjs, watching television, rather than working?  What has convinced him of the lazy-minded worker  mentality?

It is his own deceptive nature which assumes everyone else is just like him.  He is projecting himself and his words will show this very thing.

We see this in the political realm anytime someone says something that sounds noble, patriotic, or simply, right.

They are mocked as a liar by those who, themselves, cannot perceive of anyone doing anything from a motive that is upright.

We all reveal ourselves.

First, let's define the liar.

Since all of us lie, are all of us to be classified as liars?

In high school, I saw a marvelous example where a student stood up in class and told the teacher he had cheated on a test, and took a "Zero" instead.

Some of the kids mocked him as if to say, "Who doesn't cheat?", but he was unmoved.   He resisted the 'sophisticated' view that "everyone does it" cynicism, which, for any of us at any time, is a real temptation to overcome.

Have I ever cheated on a test?

I thought about this recently in discussions about honesty and in terms of outright cheating on an exam, my memory is hazy.

What I do recall is a time where "my eyes drifted over to the person next to me" and wrote down their answer, feeling terrible about it, and then crossing it out and handing in the wrong answer.  Did you notice the passivity in my sentence?  It is how I described the incident.  It shows an immediate desire to distance myself from the responsibility of my action.

Statement Analysis causes those who engage it it long enough, to begin to question themselves and their own language.  It is healthy self discovery and possibly a powerful life changing, extended event.

It takes time.

If I had to answer the question, "Have you ever cheated on a test?" I would have to answer "yes", even though I cant recall a specific event, simply because I do not trust myself; that is, my nature, to be candid.  It is no surprise that I struggle here.

There is an interesting study in the Greek language regarding the word "walk."

The ancient Greek had 6 different words for our one word "walk."

Context is key.

It also helps us understand the classification of "liar" for the purposes of our studies.

One word for "walk" means the obvious:  putting one foot in front of the other.

Yet it is the use of another word for "walk" which speaks to habitual patterned living.

Everyone puts one foot in front of the other, and everyone has a habitual patterned of living life.

A "liar", as classified statistically and in the analysis of words, is one who's habitual patterned of life includes deception, as a norm, to protect, enhance, and focus upon oneself, even at the expense of truth.

Most people believe that when they die, life had meaning and this meaning will impact what happens to them after life has ended.  These people, therefore, believe that a supreme being, or "god", created them with a purpose.

Philosophers have long noted the futility of life without purposeful meaning.

The majority of men who founded our country believed this, and believed that the Creator (note the change) revealed His will for life, through a series of statements, over years, in ancient Israel and that inspire of the many years, many authors and many languages, the entire compilation, called The Bible, is the revealed Word of God.

This is why they had people in court, for example, place their hand upon it and swear to tell the truth, leaving nothing out, but the entire truth, before said God, Who, if lied to under oath, would exact justice, in this life, or the life to come.

An interesting case study in this very thing (oath-taking) was seen in the Casey Anthony trial when her mother, Cindy Anthony, took the oath several times.

In some testimony, she said, on her own, "so help me", while in other testimony upon recall, she said, herself, "so help me God."

What was the difference  in resulting testimony?

"So help me, God" was deliberate deception.

Cindy Anthony's "walk" in life is deception, and with the backdrop of statistics that show, leaping ahead through life, that a liar is "a murderer in training", that is, one who puts his or her own needs above all others, should this same person's "walk" lead them to have to testify in a capital case, would indeed lie to protect oneself.  They would have an innocent person put to death to save their own selves.  The man who said, "it depends upon what the definition of "is" is" revealed himself as a liar; that is, one who's character was formed very early in life specifically to please himself over all others.  Therefore, as I listened to the parade of women who claimed rape or sexual assault, and the parade of denials issued, which is how media portrayed it, I knew more than just, "where there is smoke, there is fire" but there was a man who would do or take that which he wanted, or pleased him, others be damned.

"Just because someone tells a few mistruths doesn't make her a murderer."  Cindy Anthony.

Ancient writing about Pontius Pilate indicated that he was a ruthless politician with lots and lots of ambition.  He both feared and desired Rome.  He was said to have his enemies go missing at the slightest concern of competition.

In the trial of Christ, he knew he had an innocent before him, on trial for envy.  He knew he was in a tough spot:

If I set Christ free because He has done no crime, the mob will turn on me and this will eventually reach Rome.

The mob also knew this.  They deliberately charged Christ with threatening Pilate's status and claims on future employment to the point where they said, by a few degrees of separation:

"Caesar is our king.  This man claims to be king.  You, Pilate, by not killing him are being disloyal to Caesar."

Oops.

The crowd, too, was purchased, just like in Ferguson and Baltimore today.  It is not a new trick of liars, but an ancient one.

Pilate was married to a young, beautiful wife, and it was said that she was the only one he might yield to.

In the middle of the night, she woke up with nightmares and rushed to her husband and warned him to have nothing to do with the railroading of the innocent.

Pilate had been warned by the one means in life that he would listen to, only heightening his own fall.

When his time in life came as it does come to many, his ultimate test; that is, what he has been remembered for centuries, proved itself out:  he failed at the truth, but there is something he said that is our lesson for today:

"What is truth?"

This is an example of the cynical projection of liars that impacts individuals, families, departments, businesses and countries.  It presupposes a "sophistication" that only some of "us" possess.  Don't you want to join "us"?  Don't you want to join in and say, "Everyone is a liar.  No politician can ever have a decent motive."?

Join "us" and be as "sophisticated" as us.

Thus, the appeal of the lie and the temptation to justify via projection.  This is why you must hire, promote, or elect someone who has never acquired the comfort with lies that the 'true liar' has.


Liars believe everyone is just like them.

All children lie, as it is human nature to do so.  They are little narcissists who need to be taught to consider the well being of others.  This is commonly called "empathy."

The controversial "Bell Curve" interviewed many parents in different locales and concluded that:

Most all parents disciplined their kids, for example, when one struck his sibling.  This was universal.

But many did so by adding an element:  empathy.

All said, "Johnny, don't hit your sister, Susie."

But those who said, "Johnny, don't hit your sister, Susie.  It hurts her when you do so." (or something similar, including the older lessons of "never hit a girl").

The liar was either:

uncorrected for lying, or, was taught the consequences of lying against himself, only, yet void of empathy for others.   The researchers found a correlation between violence and this simple difference, including prison statistics.

The Liar, that is, the Deceptive Person, is often lacking in true empathy for others.

In fact, you have seen many times that liars seem to hold a particular contempt for everyone else--or, at least those who disagree with them.

This is a great advantage for truth seekers.

When the person's "walk", that is, habituated pattern of life, is to lie:

1.  The person thinks themselves more worthy than everyone else
2.  The person will say things that are not true, if it benefits the self
3.  The person lacks human empathy, even when feigning empathy (something trained professionals in social services often spot)
4.  The lying person will presuppose something about you, the intended recipient of the lie:

That you are not smart enough to catch on to the lie.

This is where the contempt comes from.

The liar lied in childhood and likely either was ignored for it, or experienced a consequence that did not include empathy for the recipient of the lie.

The lie told in kindergarten saved him from losing his crayons.  To the child, this felt like success.  Success breeds repetition.

The lie made the child feel in control, and a sense of superiority.  Any anxiety felt over it quickly dissipated while holding those precious crayons.  "She did it; no me!" worked.

This grows and then combines with hormonal increase in adolescents.  Should we add in substance abuse, and we have the perfect storm:

Depression lifted by substance abuse does make the one feel better. Lying is already part of his or her life.
Next, the obtaining of substances becomes key, and the lies increase for its implementation.

Minimization becomes as easy as breathing to all of us, how much more so to the liar who becomes addicted?  It's difficult to measure.

But even without the element of addiction, let's look at the progression of the liar.

The liar projects that everyone is a liar, and everyone is driven by self interest and that no one is to be trusted because:

he is a liar;

he is driven by self interest;

he cannot be trusted.

He then is buttressed by a specific element within his lies:

He believes, cynically, these things.  He holds his targeted audience in contempt for being gullible.

The cynicism itself says:

"If you were only smarter, you would see that these employees cannot be trusted" and you, as a subordinate, do not want to be thought of as inferior, are tempted to go along with him, lest you too be seen as:

Not sophisticated enough to see "the obvious."

This is a powerful element and it is what specifically infects those under authority:  Either you are one of us, or you are one of "them" with "them" being unsophisticated, 'polly-anna' dreamers who are not worthy of promotion because they do not understand "the real world."  You lack sophistication and cunning.

This is the distinct flavor that flows from the liar as soon as he is promoted, in whatever human organization has been established.

The liar does not see that there are those who are literally afraid to place their hand on the Bible and lie.  These are "superstitious", "unsophisticated" fools, meant to be exploited and ridiculed.

This was seen in a great movie, "The Best Years of Our Lives" when, shortly after WWII, a young man who had lost an arm in the war was in a diner having a soda when a stranger expresses his sympathy to the man for having lost his arm "for no good reason."  His point was that the war was "for suckers only" and his sacrifice was in vain.  He pointed to the newspaper and instructed the young soldier to "read it for yourself; it's all here" and plain to see for anyone 'smart enough' or 'sophisticated enough' to see it.

When a liar is promoted, even in small manners, he or she will resent those who disagree with him.

Who are those who disagree?

They are those who do not agree with his assessment of workers.

I once interviewed a woman who was nearing retirement after decades of devoted and honorable service. She developed a reputation for honesty which, in meetings with superiors, did not always endear her to them.  She was no contrarian, which sometimes hides behind "it's the truth" like stances.  She was honest through and through.  The honesty was seen whenever she made an error and owned it.  She talked about two years of her life that were "hell" to her, but taught her invaluable lessons in life.

She had steadily earned promotions but at this point found herself answering directly to a liar.

Like most liars, he was quite pragmatic.  In other words, he had no qualms about lying as long as the result came in the way he wanted.  This meant not only cutting corners, but bypassing specific laws.

The woman, raised to be honest, politely responded that she was unable to do this or that activity, as it was either unethical, against policy, or even, against the law.

He took to making her life miserable, each and every day.  "Do as you are instructed to do!" was a continual threat that she eventually learned how to handle properly.  She could not report him to his superiors, lest she be labeled as a trouble maker and her already hostile work environment become even worse.

Her only defense was:  "If you want this done, please put it in writing" and began to use email as a way to protect herself.  He refused.

She then would write things such as, "I just want to be clear on your directive.  You said I should **** and *** today.  Am I correct?"

He angrily deleted these emails and created a severely hostile work environment for her, anyway.

She said it may have been the most difficult two years of her life, and it dramatically impacted her physical and mental health and eventually was forced to seek professional help in just coping with the day to day stress.

She kept a carefully written journal, using dates, times and quotes, should a situation arise where he falsely accused her of something.

What she found out was:

The journaling, itself, was even more effective than seeing a counselor, and...

As the pressure eased on her, since the writing gave her clarity, she was able to "outlast him" at the position, and his lies eventually caught up to him and he was faced with disgraceful demotion or he could retire.

He retired.

To this day, I admire her.

She said that after this, she had a wisdom in handling liars, including avoiding provocation within a challenge.  She "knew" a great deal about Statement Analysis, instinctively, from the "lessons" this man taught her.

She looks back in life and is thankful for the difficult lessons.

The liar wants you to think that you must be "sophisticated enough" to agree with him, but if you do not agree with his assessment about ________ (fill in the blank), you are a fool.  You are not "one of us."  You are not "the best and the brightest."  You are not "a go getter", a "success", a "winner."  I have heard all of these terms used by many people who worked under a liar.

After an invitation to speak, a woman approached me and said "I work for a liar."

She said it with force, but with a sense of relief and her words that followed were easily predictable:

"You understand me."  She was grateful and felt that someone understood the intense, day to day pressure she lives with.  She said he was also a cocaine addict.

I could write an entire article speculating on how she has suffered but it would hold no surprises.

She did not work for a man who lied about being 5 minutes late for work, or for a man who politely lied about co-worker's new hair do.

She worked for a man who could lie, at any time, for any reason that was to his advantage.

This means:

Liars are not predictable.


This, itself, could use a lengthy article.  I have dedicated my life to discerning deception and I am unable to give an exhaustive response to anyone, about what a liar might do.  I can look at the context and the degree of authority the liar has, and weigh out statistics, especially for employers, but liars are consistent in this one thing:

They continually surprise me in the creative ways in which a liar brings heartache and damage to his audience.

What is the difference between two men here:

Both are in positions of authority.
Both were sexually molested in childhood leading to perverse impulses.

One will sexually harass a co-worker, causing her pain of various impact, while costing the company untold embarrassment and legal costs.

The other will restrain his impulse and not act it out.

What is the difference between the two?

As Europe heads towards "disability status" for pedophiles, and shifting understandings of responsibility, no matter how it is viewed:

The one who acts upon his impulse is going to bring pain, suffering, and loss to those around him.

It is imperative that the deceptive one is discerned as one who will do what pleases him, in increasing intensity and scope, no matter the cost to others.




18 comments:

trustmeigetit said...

I wish more would pay attention.

I always was aware of half truths and unanswered questions but always seemed to be the only one.


I don't know how many meetings I've been in where a question is asked and the person answering rambles on while never actually answering.

I always would sit there waiting for the question to be asked again or claified..it would never happen.

Even worse, most the time those asking seem to be impressed.

Until I discovered SA it drove me insane. It still bugs me but now I find it more entertaining.

Because of you and this wonderful blog, I see and hear things different.

But I agree, most continue to not care.

I watched a movie yesterday. John Doe, Vigilante..great movie that I just happened upon that I had never even heard of.

The interesting thing was how the media would report his crimes (he killed violent repeat offenders) but not speak the truth about the reasons. They tried to portray him as a serial killer. A small group did stand up and try to make others see but it never seemed to really change things overall.

One of the most covered up was A priest who had molested dozens of children. Child porn was even found in his home. The media portrayed it as a senseless killing of a beloved priest.

The movie ended with his final killing he had broadcast on his own. Showing the true reason.

Ill leave it there for those that may want to watch.

But a big part of the story was just that. Not telling the whole truth. The media is their efforts to cover up the truth and even touched on how victim impact statements are edited in court to protect the criminals.

Really good movie but it's very violent so watch with caution if you do.

But to me, it had a great point that is often discussed here. The lack of Justice.

I often wonder why so many will volunteer to strap a bomb to their bodies to kill innocent people but why not do his to kill guilty people.





tania cadogan said...

Off Topic

A body has been discovered by police investigating the disappearance of 13-year-old Amber Peat in Mansfield.

The family has been informed but no formal identification has taken place, Nottinghamshire Police said.

Officers are at the scene and enquiries are ongoing.

Nottinghamshire Police said in a statement: "Thank you for all of your assistance, particularly the Mansfield community, in the search to find Amber.

"Further information will be provided as soon as possible."

According to police, the 13-year-old left home at around 5.30pm on Saturday after a "minor disagreement" over chores.

The family had just returned from a holiday in Holywell Bay in Cornwall, which was described as "fantastic".

Earlier, Amber's parents issued an emotional plea for her to return.

Kelly and Danny Peat, her mother and stepfather, broke down in tears, saying her disappearance was out of character.

They said at a police press conference that Amber walked out after refusing to clean a cool box used to store food on a recent holiday.

Ms Peat said: "If you're watching this or anybody knows where she is, just send her home please."

She added: "Just come home. We just want you home."

Superintendent Matt McFarlane, of Nottinghamshire Police, said there had been "nothing like this before" with Amber.

He said: "In the past, she's a young girl, she's been out of the house perhaps for a few hours but never anything like this.

This is totally out of character.

"We are seriously concerned about her whereabouts.

"The request we make is, Amber, if you hear this, please come home."

http://news.sky.com/story/1495135/missing-amber-peat-police-find-a-body

trustmeigetit said...

Another OT

So I came across another video on the Hannah Anderson case that provides another flat out lie told by Hannah.

Now the only thing, is I am not sure why she lied at this point in the story as the truth would support her as the innocent victim.

But what do you guys think.


http://youtu.be/FEbJz2P4Ty4


Now keep in mind as you watch this... that on the Today Show she said

"So, he went to fire it once and I was watching him. And, then he fired it the second time but he like lowered it. Then a bunch of guns went off. I looked and he fell on the ground, I kind of looked over, and I was like, 'Are you OK?' And then a bunch of, like, the FBI people came out, telling me to get down."

BUT.. if you watch this video, they had footage of the actual rescue. This was from video from very far away. So first they show Hannah waving something white. It looks to me like a signal for help. I found it odd that she NEVER comments on this. Again, it would support her victim stance.

Then, they show the actual rescue.

First they stated that "Jim is moving from the camp to go gather wood and once he got far enough away, that's when they made their last move. Their final approach"

They show people (although we cannot tell who is who) but state that 2 of the agents grabbed her and you can see them running. They then say... and then shots fired.

So... Hannah was not standing by Jim while he fired shots nor did she see him fall to the ground. Since he was already according to LE a safe distance away and then LE took her hand and ran with her. We all know they didn't run towards Jim but away....

So then she was not sitting right next to him.

So, I have to ask, why lie when this part supports her story.

I don't get it.

Anyone else have some thoughts on this?

Her initial story made it seem like she had no idea LE was there until shots were fired.

Anonymous said...

It is my opinion, and belief, TrustmeIgetit, that Hannah Anderson is a full-blown pathological liar and a murderer. IMO, she has killed three people; her mother, brother, the family dog, and in the end caused the death of James DiMaggio. I do not believe that James DiMaggio had anything to do with killing her family or in burning the house, it was all Hannah, with DiMaggio running with her to protect her. I believe he blindly fancied himself in love with her and would do anything for her and to protect her.

She craftily lied about the circumstances of the murders of her family, her relationship with DiMaggio and the circumstances leading up to these gruesome murders, with no one investigating her lies or the evidence; unfortunately LE never even bothered to sift through actual evidence prior to going on their mad hunt for 'killer-kidnapper' James DiMaggio. DiMaggio's sister was right in warning him against her just days earlier but he did not heed her warnings. He paid the ultimate price with his life.

How easily Hannah got him killed, she lied about how it came about that he was shot by FBI agents, she is still lying and will continue too. She will continue to keep her many lies snarled and twisted. She's good at it. I believe she will kill again.

Anonymous said...

Correct. For all we know DiMaggio might have tried to stop Hannah in the killings of her family and burning down the house with them and the dog inside. We don't know if they were already dead by the time the fire was set. However, it does seem obvious that Hannah set James up as she had been using him for her own purposes for a long time prior to the day of the final death trap she set for her family.

That's just it, we will never know what really happened that day. Too late. Sex-pot, hot pants, come-hither Lolita got away with it all and will continue too.

For sure, local LE and the FBI agents involved aren't about to reveal their huge blunders and mistakes and revisit the way they took down DiMaggio or their failure to investigate the crime scene and other evidence prior to their wrong decisions.

I wonder, is she still living with her daddy? He'd better watch it. If she doesn't get her way over the slightest little infraction he makes over some object she thinks she's entitled too, he or Aunt Janie or whoever thinks they are guiding her could be next.

The pathological liar has no conscience and no empathy for the pain they cause others. All they care about is getting their way and outsmarting the one(s) who stands in their way. It could be something as simple as not getting the new cell phone of their hearts desire after they scheme to deliberately break their old one to get the new one.

They are dangerous to the one(s) who are aware of their lies and points them out, and hates the injured party for exposing them. They never admit and they never back down. We have not heard the last of Hannah Anderson.

John mcgowan said...

Re Hannah Anderson.

If you missed it the first time round, you can watch it online.

KIDNAPPED: THE HANNAH ANDERSON STORY

http://putlocker.is/watch-kidnapped-the-hannah-anderson-story-online-free-putlocker.html

Anonymous said...

Fascinating article.

Many companies and government agencies are concerned about the leakage of sensitive information. They do not allow employees to seek counseling without reporting it first and giving them rights to access their counseling records to ensure they can be trusted with secrets. Many live with the fear that if they do seek counseling then even though it is not a serious threat to the company they still may lose their jobs. A journal is a great suggestion for those who are struggling with work situations and cannot seek counseling.

trustmeigetit said...

I had to share my experience today…. It is not totally off topic but really found it interesting with some of the topics lately. It covers a few.


So, part of my job involved recruitment.

I will often send out screening questions when I receive hundreds of applicants to help streamline the process which I did with an applicant today.

I had to share his response below.

Now, I have removed names and job titles (and most of the requirements) to ensure confidentiality, but the applicants response was beyond what I would ever expect and being that he is manager in his current job, I felt this kinda fit this post. And with him pushing on fake discrimination, I found it was quite interesting.

So, my email to applicants are very basic. Thanks for applying, please review and indicate if you have the following. Most are professional and response as requested.

So as you can see below (I copied and pasted so this was the exact words he used) this applicant took a very basic screening tool and made it negative


First he address me as “Mr” when I have a clearly female name

He then demands respect when the only request was to indicate if he had the experience we were seeking.

Twice he addresses his degree twice as if it makes him somehow above this all while he clearly struggles with spelling, punctuation, capitalization, pronouns and well, even just using the correct words

He totally fails to directly answer 2 questions (do you have experience with excel modeling and PowerPoint presentations) but telling me that he has “performed more than I can think of and then I am not even sure what “power point packages” are.

Then, has the gall to put his age in the email and basically accuse me of being discriminatory when age was NEVER asked.

And at this stage, we have asked for nothing more than tell us if you meet the following job skills

Again, he is a manager with his current company. I can only imagine what he is like to work for when he chooses to be rude to the recruiter when applying for a job.


From: ********** [mailto:**************]
Sent: Wednesday, June 03, 2015 12:05 PM
To: ****************
Subject: Re: **********************************

Good afternoon Mr. *****************

If you would show me at least a small amount of respect your could read my resume.

I have an MBA from Texas Christian University

I have never worked for an airline but I have worked for companies that build airplanes. I do not think the software packages will make a difference. Of course you will.
I have performed more excel modeling than you can think of.
I have developed many many Microsoft power point packages

I have an MBA, I think I understand economic analysis. NPV, Return on Investment, Rate of return, Interest rate Impact, Gross Margin, etc.

I am 61 years old and you will find a reason non matter what.

So you have your reason.

***********************




On Wednesday, June 3, 2015 12:19 PM, "************************> wrote:

Thank you for your interest in our ****************************position.

Please review the following and indicate if you meet the requirements below:

• Master’s in business administration, finance, or related field


Several job skills followed


Thank you,

HR

trustmeigetit said...

Please excuse my own typos above, doing this on my iPhone.

Anonymous said...

John,

The link you posted for the Hannah Anderson story did not work. Do you have another way you could post it, or another link?

Thank you.

Red Meat said...

It works for me, but

try this

Elizabeth Norway said...

My father (who was a great father, but not a great husband) is a liar.
It is almost amusing to watch how he will lie about every small trivial thing.

He will lie about what he had for dinner, what he does for a living, where he went to school, how many children he has, where he went on vacation.

He once came to my daughter's birthdayparty, claiming he had been in an accident and had to help the police with the dead man in the other car. All lies.

He once said to a friend of mine that he loved to scuba dive, and went on vacation just to dive, although he has never been under water for more than ten seconds.

When someone asked him about a sweater he wore, he said his (completely blind) mother had knitted it, even the label from the shop was visible.

He said to one of his friends that his father served in the army as a medical doctor. My father has never met his own father, and knows nothing of him. And the friend knew this. And my fahter knew that his friend knew. Still, he could not resist lying.


He must have been a nightmare to live with, as a husband.
But, he has charm, can talk anyone to do anything, and has a pleasant personality. He was a good father to me, we had lots of fun together when I was little, going to the zoo, footballgames, theatre. Hence, I do not think he is a psycopath, because he loves his children.

Now that I am in my forties, I dont have any contact with him. I still love him, but the drama became too much to handle.

Anonymous said...


Try really listening to politicians, up and down the hierarchy of "our" government, when you need blatant examples of lying, and, I would not hesitate to call the blatant lying pathological.

Elizabth said...

"...never met his own father.". I'd be willing to bet this is what started him on a life of lies. He started by mentally creating an image of his father and the fantasy world grew and grew until it encompassed his whole existence.

My brother is the same as your dad except my brother is mean spirited. His lies started as a coping mechanism for a medical condition and grew into a pathology. He is now 50 years old and lying is so ingrained in his behavior and imprinted on his brain he *can't* tell the truth about anything, not even piddly small stuff.

jen-d said...

"The liar also projects himself to all others.
This is where, for example, you encounter a middle manager who harps on employees under the belief that they are all deceptively abusing the company, in any manner from taking too long in break down, lying about sick time, working from home, They do not trust, for example, their workers with tele-commuting, even though he does not know them personally, as in a large business or department. Why does he instinctively believe that those who work from home are in their pjs, watching television, rather than working? What has convinced him of the lazy-minded worker mentality? It is his own deceptive nature which assumes everyone else is just like him. He is projecting himself and his words will show this very thing."

I had a "manager" who didnt want to believe that it took me x number of minutes in the bathroom. I work from home and this "manager" wanted me to `fess up & say something I didnt do - which to her was something other than me going to the bathroom. I didnt know what else to say because I told her what really happened & there was nothing more I could say, except provide her a detailed acct of my bathroom activity. I didnt know how else to explain that I went to teh bathroom. I felt badgered and annoyed that she couldnt trust me in something so basic. I went directly to my Australian employer & told him I have to resign because I cant work with someone who cant trust me. He advised that I continue working on my own time & not resign. I agreed and continued working.

Months later, this "manager" pulled the rug from under my employer's nose and went to another foreign client leaving my Australian employer hanging - with the salaries of staff unprocessed and the AU employer forced to process our salaries on their own.

What was odd was that we met the "manager" beforehand and she seemed nice - though she talked a lot about herself incessantly that we were relegated to being listeners. Even if we had to go home, she insisted that we still stay & order beer. I had to speak up and say I need to go home as it was getting late. Only then did the rest of teh staff followed and we all left.

jen-d said...

"Both were sexually molested in childhood leading to perverse impulses."

"It is imperative that the deceptive one is discerned as one who will do what pleases him, in increasing intensity and scope, no matter the cost to others."

I had an ex who I realized belatedly was a pathological liar. He once told of how he performed during a xmas party presentation & how he said everyone was cheering him on how good he danced but when he showed me the video of him dancing, he couldnt keep up with the dance steps and was always looking at the person next to him to copy the dance moves. My hair stood on end yet I dismissed my feelings I thought it was a minor exaggeration. It was too late when I realized that he lied about major issues. Always he would tell me stories about his parents, siblings, coworkers, friends always putting them on a bad light that I was easily influenced by these & looked at the people he talked about in a bad light too. I was no longer in the relationship when I realized he probably told lies about me to others the same way he lied to me about others. I almost lost my sanity keeping up with the confusion.

He always had a sob story to tell as if it was his way to keep me in the relationship. When I finally wanted to break up with him and told him so, he claimed he was sexually molested by a househelp when he was in his teens. Later on he went to the Middle East to work & he claimed he was sexually assaulted there.

Years later - I have blocked him from my email accounts - yet it was my mom who received an email during Xmas eve from him where he detailed a tragedy that befell his first born son who died minutes after being born. Using SA principles from this blog, I discovered he editorialized a lot and placed his feelings about his tragedy in inappropriate places in his email.

I knew/felt something like this would happen & during teh relationship I felt for some reason he would do something to his child if ever he had one.

jen-d said...

"Both were sexually molested in childhood leading to perverse impulses."

"It is imperative that the deceptive one is discerned as one who will do what pleases him, in increasing intensity and scope, no matter the cost to others."

I had an ex who I realized belatedly was a pathological liar. He once told of how he performed during a xmas party presentation & how he said everyone was cheering him on how good he danced but when he showed me the video of him dancing, he couldnt keep up with the dance steps and was always looking at the person next to him to copy the dance moves. My hair stood on end yet I dismissed my feelings I thought it was a minor exaggeration. It was too late when I realized that he lied about major issues. Always he would tell me stories about his parents, siblings, coworkers, friends always putting them on a bad light that I was easily influenced by these & looked at the people he talked about in a bad light too. I was no longer in the relationship when I realized he probably told lies about me to others the same way he lied to me about others. I almost lost my sanity keeping up with the confusion.

He always had a sob story to tell as if it was his way to keep me in the relationship. When I finally wanted to break up with him and told him so, he claimed he was sexually molested by a househelp when he was in his teens. Later on he went to the Middle East to work & he claimed he was sexually assaulted there.

Years later - I have blocked him from my email accounts - yet it was my mom who received an email during Xmas eve from him where he detailed a tragedy that befell his first born son who died minutes after being born. Using SA principles from this blog, I discovered he editorialized a lot and placed his feelings about his tragedy in inappropriate places in his email.

I knew/felt something like this would happen & during teh relationship I felt for some reason he would do something to his child if ever he had one.

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