Sunday, January 17, 2016

A Series of Lies: Pathology and Warnings

The liar always brings damage. 

As the DSM continues its generational trend to be influenced by politics rather than strong statistics, it is helpful to have definitions expounded for understanding.

It is difficult to persuade the public at large how dangerous a liar is, that is, until one experiences, first hand, the negative repercussions of experiencing the pattern a liar follows:  self first, with little accuracy predicting how far the liar will go.

If a study shows that a liar who is known, habitually, for life long lying, will lie under oath, even if it is a capital case where an innocent may be put to death (murder), it may appear distant and without effect.

When one's life has been traumatized by a liar, I have a rapt audience who, sadly, knows just how dangerous the powerful need to put self above others actually is.

There are warning signs for you to read; often in abundance.  Should you choose to ignore the warning signs, especially if you project your own honesty upon the liar, you increase your risk of exposure. 

Risk of what?

Harm. 

What harm?

Unknown.  It depends upon your setting.  

If the habitual liar is your spouse, the obvious awaits you; your boss?  Trouble beckons.  Your subordinate?  Watch your back. 

In other words:  wherever, whenever, and however the liar can put himself or herself above you, the opportunity will arise in life, and will likely be taken. 

Your idea at work is stolen and owned. 
False accusation is made against you. This can cost you your name, company reputation, money, time, stress, health...
Exploitation, in some form, ranging from fraudulent claims to outright theft, is in the future.  

The liar will give you ample warning for which situational awareness can allow you to take even preventive action; depending upon your experience and understanding of the nature of the liar.  

The following were all contextualized in this manner:

Initiated conversation by the subject, introducing the following without being asked any questions.  The reply is the follow up.  The long term damage is acute, but it is in the series of lies that one may discern the warning of how dangerous the fabricator of reality actually is.

Each statement was made in full understanding of reality.  There is no 'mental illness' diagnosis that shows any lack of understanding of reality.  This is important to know as the word "delusional" is used casually enough to warrant this caveat.

The subject:  wealthy female, early 50's, sans high school diploma, clever and manipulative.  Passive aggressive with particular resentment towards males.  

"I just got in from Vegas.  Can you believe it that I won more than $5,000?"

The truth:  in the won-loss column only the wins were reported.  The overall result was a severe loss, not including airfare or lodging.  Money was a frequent topic for deception, but her children were even more so, as neglect of education and indulgence had led to uneducated, lazy, entitled young adults who could not survive on their own.  


"Did you know that my daughter will be the very first 16 year old to graduate from ***** high school and will be attending college early?"

The truth:  The 16 year old had the education level of about a sixth grader.   The deceptive mother had paid her employees to do her daughter's homework which received good grades, while she failed testing, leading to the school's questioning, which was met with raging and uncomfortable meetings with the school, along with legal threats and pulling her daughter out of school.  The company rarely held morning meetings because the daughter, awakening at 10am or so, called her mother's cell phone to get her to drive home coffee and donuts.



 The daughter was a frequent character in the lies.

"My daughter made more than $1,000 per hour modeling and has her own modeling catalog and is in great demand." 

The truth:  the mother paid the studio to use her, and paid an advertiser to use the photos.


Other child:  

"I am so glad my son broke off with her.  I loved her, yes, but she has a raging drug problem."

The truth:  the young woman failed to convince her son to get off drugs and return to school and she finally yielded to her own parents' pleas to break off the relationship.  The final impetus was the young man's infidelity and home grown deception.  This particular lie spread readily, as this form of negative information does, harming her reputation until she decided to move out of the area. 


The damage later done to others, including criminal activity, was acute.  Victim losses included: 

loss of home, loss of employment, destruction of reputation, coerced criminal exploitation and falsification of legal records, and so on.  

Listen for the fabricator of reality and how he or she will give an important warning signal for you:

Lying when there is no cause to lie.   This is the most obvious warning signal that you need to protect yourself.  The need, for example, of self aggrandizement and the use of lying to do so signals a powerful need for attention, superiority, and the inevitable humiliation of others, financially, socially, personally, and so on.  

The list of devastation from liars is without end.  It can range from a single life devastation to an entire nation...

*mother lost custody of her child due to falsified testimony; child put in foster care traumatized for life;
*incessant theft and endless legal costs to defend oneself against malicious gossip
*nationalwide refinancing scam using false signatures led to thousands of homeowners losing their homes, with only class action suit lawyers gaining money.  Someone within the company recognized the beginning where a liar presented an idea...
*false prosecution for political gain, small town, or big city, the devastation is acute. 
*the Rotherham coverup led to thousands of children lives destroyed.  It began with a lie. .  
*How many women were victimized by the German media lie, who could have avoided sexual assault in Cologne, had deception not been present?

We have reached a point where we are no longer even shocked by deception in media; we are expecting it and looking for it. 

With each new victim status granted, we follow the list of "fake hate" scams anew.  

Societal acceptance of theft is reflected in court decisions as legalized or institutionalized envy seeks to punish the successful and reward the failure.  

In your own life, read the warning symbols.  Do not underestimate how far the liar will go.  

When the liar 'fails tests', that is, is incapable of telling the truth in small, low or no pressure situations, do not predict that if given a major test, such as in court, or before superiors, that any other activity will be evident other than self protective deception.  You cannot always count on the discernment of others, and preparation and early warning signals are best heeded.  






33 comments:

Bobcat said...

Thank you again for an excellent blog! It's nice to read clear descriptions of how damaging a liar can be. Our boy scout unit unfortunately put a liar in leadership a number of years ago. He lied without reason and made false accusations about highly respected community members (who moved away). He ALMOST destroyed the scout unit, and now has destroyed his own marriage. I feel very sad for his children.

Do you have any statistics on liars? This person was a mormon in medical device sales.

Anonymous said...

The devastation of a liar is what led me to this blog many years ago He was in a relationship with a family member. When that relationship went horribly wrong, he lied to the police about every family member. He even told lies about grandparents. There was no body he didn't harm. Luckily the police could tell who was telling the truth and who was lieing. And that bad apple didn't fall far from the tree.

Trigger said...

I know that all judges in courts of law encounter liars on the witness stand. It is interesting that these judges become adept at recognizing the lies when they listen carefully.

I applaud this blog, and you Peter, for teaching us, the general population, to recognize these liars by using statement analysis.

I know firsthand how important it is to read the transcripts of legal cases. It is easy to spot the lies when everything is in writing.

Statement Analysis is a great tool when used to detect lies.

Anonymous said...

I used to (very naively) think that liars couldn't do much harm, because I believed that most people were honest and that the truth would always prevail– and quickly. Boy, was I wrong! I had no idea the complexity of the web a deceitful person can weave.. In my experience, trying to confront the lies only leads to more lies and more confusion and more vindictiveness on the part of the liar. I have also noticed that many, many liars mix truth and lies, which can make proving them wrong nearly impossible. It's so much easier for them to spin situations when they throw a bit of truth in the mix.

lynda said...

A pathological liar once told me, "The best lie is the one closest to the truth."

Peter is right, the damage that these liars can do is beyond what anyone can even foresee at the time. The ripple effect is so far-reaching that it can reach beyond the present generation into the next. These liars have the ability to change a "normal" person into someone they don't even recognize...confused, irrational, angry, I daresay, bringing them to the edge of madness in some cases. They leave in their wake the walking dead who then spend sometimes years picking up the pieces.

Thank you Peter...great blog.

Anonymous said...

One liar trick in mixing truth and lies is to tell an embarrassing or negative truth about self to make the listener think there's no way anyone that truthful so as to disclose such a negative thing would be lying about the rest of what was said.

John mcgowan said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
John mcgowan said...

“It takes two people to make a lie work: the person who tells it, and the one who believes it.”


Jodi Picoult

John mcgowan said...

OT:

This doesn't look good. I hope they find him.

Search Underway For Missing Tennessee Toddler Noah Chamberlin
The blond, blue-eyed boy hasn't been seen since Thursday, though authorities say there's "no reason" to suspect foul play.


A search is underway for a missing 2-year-old Tennessee boy who authorities say hasn't been seen since Thursday.

Noah Chamberlin was hiking with his grandmother and sister in the woods near his family's Pinson home, southeast of Jackson, when the toddler somehow became separated and vanished around 1:30 p.m., WMCA-TV reported.

An Amber Alert describes the boy as 2 feet tall and about 25 pounds, with blond hair and blue eyes. He was last seen wearing a gray shirt and blue jeans.

Chester County Sheriff Blair Weaver, speaking to WMCA-TV, said that there is "no reason" to believe foul play was involved.

"It is a search and rescue mission," he said. "We have total faith that we're going to find Noah and we're going to bring him home safe."

The state's bureau of investigations is aiding local authorities' hunt.

Meanwhile, dozens of law enforcement volunteers have gathered to help in the search.

Civilians also volunteered for Sunday's search, but the Chester County Sheriff's Department said that they weren't needed at the moment.

"The need may arise later for civilian volunteers, please stay tuned for updates," the department posted on its Facebook page. "We would like to thank everyone that has volunteered. Our main goal is to bring Noah home!"

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/search-underway-for-toddler_569c0751e4b0b4eb759eca98?section=crime

Me2l said...

Hard to deal with a liar. The department supervisor where I work is an habitual liar....lying about even the most mundane, minute things. Sometimes these are simply exaggerations or embellishments. Just as often, though, the lies are made up out of thin air to somehow impress others.

The lies about his support staff, stealing their ideas, taking credit for their work....it is constant, day in and day out. I sometimes wonder if HIS superiors have an inkling about his lying tendencies, or if they're willing to not upset the apple cart as long as the department runs well. It does, but primarily because of those to whom he delegates absolutely everything while he conducts personal business the majority of the day.

Lol. Rant

John mcgowan said...

My OT above:

Noah was reported missing on thursday, sadly, he is yet to be found.

Someone has screen shot this statement from his Mum's FB, (allegedly) when it was posted on his Mums (alleged) FB page i'm not sure. It was however posted here on the 16th Jan.

https://www.facebook.com/groups/456395601212824/

Caps are not mine, spelling too It reads:

I just want to say THANK YOU! to all those volunteers who are waiting and who have helped in looking for my baby the TBI FBI and Madison County and Chester County sheriff departments and police and fire departments! For everything you all have and are trying to do to bring Noah home. The only thing i can rest on is that Jesus is in control! Keep the prayers coming each one is appreciated beyond words!! If i could thank k each and everyone of you i. Person i would!! It means the world to me and my family!!

trustmeigetit said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
trustmeigetit said...

If this was in fact what mum wrote it's alarming.

So much praise for searches while her son is missing.

No speak of concern for her son.

Refers to Jesus being in control. I wondering she's actually a truly religious person. If not then that statement looks more like she's trying to appear religious which is then also concerning.

This world I swear.

John mcgowan said...

Re missing Noah

https://m.facebook.com/story.php?story_fbid=1513400512295994&id=1441019212867458&hc_location=ufi

1 hour ago

things we know from Sheriffs Weaver 1st interview...
Noah went missing at 1:20
The sheriff was on the scene 30 minutes after Baby Noah went missing(10 til 2). Madison Co was there shortly (minutes)after sheriff Weaver was there. The search dogs was on the ground at 3 ? No scent was picked up!
The helicopter was in the air at 4. Nothing was found!
From 1:20 until 4 ... Within a 3 hour time frame..... Nothing.
So no evidence of the baby, no scent on a beautiful day. ????

GeekRad said...

Seriously, how can a toddler get out of range of searchers that fast with no scent? This is not looking good.

tania cadogan said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
tania cadogan said...

Have they talked to his sister to see what she saw, heard and remembers?

I agree GeekRad, if he wandered off as fast as the grandmother said, why did he not respond to his name, even with a laugh if he thought he was playing hide and seek?

Children having fun make a noise,a 2 year old make a noise especially if they bang themselves or fall over or get stung by something.
Unless granny is particularly slow, she should have been able to find Noah within a reasonable time.

Given LE were on site in 30 mins approx, he could not have gotten that far away as to not be found nor any trace of him.
Helicopters would have been using heat detectors to find him, he would have shone out.

Have the granny and mom both been polygraphed?
Is the family known to police or CPS?

Remember, they look for what is there that shouldn't be as well as what isn't there that should be.

After this length of time, things do not look good.

John mcgowan said...

FULL VIDEO – Sheriff: Search to rescue Noah is still active; may call for more volunteers

Snipped from vt

Reporter:

Q: "Is the family at all interested in addressing the media or making a statement?

LE:

A: "None whatsoever"


VT

http://www.wbbjtv.com/video/search-for-noah-news-conference-full-video-mon-jan-18/

GeekRad said...

Tania, LE said in the press conference that they have talked to the grandmother and sister and the rest of the family and that they are cooperating. Strange posts from the mom, thanking the searchers but no concern for Noah as trustmeigetit pointed out. It is hard for me to understand how he could get so far so quickly, no scent picked up. If you look at aerial photos it is very densely wooded. In the press conference they said terrain has caves and sinkholes. He could have been hiding in a cave in a game of hide and seek but no two year old plays hide and seek for five days.
Maybe the family doesn't want to make a statement because LE told them it is best. The sheriff seemed pretty down on media and social media saying social media leads to rumors and wastes time. So maybe everyone is trying to keep it focused on the search. Hopefully he has found some nice warm place to stay until they find him. The houses are few and far between in the aerial photo.

John mcgowan said...

Noah’s mother, Destiny Chamberlin, posted an emotional thank you to volunteers and the community.

She said: “My broken heart is overwhelmed by the outpouring of support and prayer from across the world!
Every person involved in finding my son- from the military to the law to the church families and to the civilian volunteers - your sacrifices to stay and find my son do not go unnoticed.
To those across the world praying - thank you and keep those prayers coming - that is such a big help to me and my husband and my daughter and my family. It's encouraging us to keep going!”


http://www.mirror.co.uk/news/world-news/missing-noah-chamberlin-fears-grow-7199160

Deejay said...

Peter- can you put up EXAMPLES of 'a person can not lie twice". 'No, I would never, never take the money.' 'No, I have not harmed my daughter.' 'No, I am not sleeping with your best friend. ' What does the second question look like? What answers does the liar give (so as to not lie twice)?? What if the first answer is not technically a lie? (I am not at this very minute sleeping with your best friend). I do not understand this premise in statement analysis - why is it so hard to tell a second lie if they already told the first lie. Could Casey Anthony do this? ps. I have been using follow the pronouns and it really works!

ima.grandma said...

I'm in with Deejay (thanks Dj). I've tried to parallel the principle in abstract thoughts. I struggle with the concept.

John mcgowan said...

RE missing Noah

From the family:

Mariah Robertson
10 hrs
·
IF YOU KNOW US IN ANY WAY, DO NOT, I REPEAT, DO NOT ANSWER ANY QUESTIONS FROM THE MEDIA OR OTHERS! THIS IS A PERSONAL REQUEST FROM ALL OF US! DO NOT INTERACT WITH THEM AT ALL!! THEY ARE TRYING TO GET TO US THROUGH ANY AND ALL OF OUR FRIENDS!

https://www.facebook.com/permalink.php?story_fbid=934574799967806&id=932519820173304&comment_id=934767233281896&notif_t=share_comment

Anonymous said...

"They are trying to get us."

For what?

rob said...

Me21, I think I work for the same person that you work for! My supervisor, after I explain something to her, will get on the phone to her boss, right in front of me, and relay the situation/problem like she is the one who discovered/fixed it. Right in front of me! Knowing I can hear every word she says.

I have a new policy printed and posted on my desk. It says:
THERE ARE TWO RULES FOR SUCCESS:
1. Never tell everything you know.

Now when she asks, I just don't know.

Anonymous said...

"In your own life, read the warning symbols. Do not underestimate how far the liar will go."

How far could they go? Murder?

Anonymous said...

Is there SA for official statements regarding WMD's and cause for war?

elf said...

That's a weird statement :/ could the word 'sacrifices' be a red flag or something. And what's with the prayers encouraging them to keep going? Why would she need encouragement? Also there's
-my broken heart
-my son (2x)
-my husband
-my daughter
-my family
no names, improper introduction?

foodiefoodnerd said...

@lynda, a very disturbed pathological liar used almost the exact words; she said every "good lie" (wtf?) has a partial truth.

Sorry to anyone who had to experience one in person.

lynda said...

Re Noah:


http://wreg.com/2016/01/19/details-surface-about-family-of-noah-chamberlin/


PINSON, Tenn. -- WREG learned more about the family of missing 2-year-old Noah Chamberlin as crews entered day six of searching for him.

The parents are Jacob and Destiny Chamberlin.

The couple also has a 4-year-old daughter, who WREG is not identifying.

Chester County Sheriff Blair Weaver said family members are not talking to reporters, but one man close to the family said Noah's father was "frantic" when he discovered his son was missing.

Truck drivers at Venture Express on Law Road in Jackson, Tennessee banded together to support their co-worker, Jacob Chamberlin.

Search crews looked for Noah Chamberlin through the night on Tuesday after the boy disappeared into the woods last week.

"Jacob is a very Christian young man. He's very inspirational as far as believing in the good lord," Gary Rinks, who manages the truck fleet at Venture Express, said.

Rinks explained Jacob and Destiny are good people and love both of their children.

"Do you think he would be capable of harming his child?" a reporter asked.

"Under no circumstance. None whatsoever," Rinks replied without hesitation.

Colleagues were disgusted at allegations surfacing on social media that the family could have had something to do with Noah's disappearance.

Many people are questioning the story told to deputies about when the boy went missing.

"It truly upsets me very much so because I know the young man as he is. Like I say, a Christian man and he loves his family," Rinks said.

The people working at the trucking company said they are like a family.

Many of Jacob's co-workers are raising money and sending prayers of hope as the search continues for baby Noah.

"That's what family is. They try to take care of their own," Rinks explained.

Jacob works as a truck driver on a local route.

He was in Canton, Mississippi when he got the news of Noah's disappearance.

The children were being watched by their grandmother as Destiny Chamberlin went to the store last Thursday.

This was not uncommon.

Sheriff Weaver maintains no foul play is suspected in Noah's disappearance

*******************

I do find it odd that Mom never mentioned what her son was going thru.

lynda said...

foodie...yeah, if you survive one...you're one of the walking dead until you pull yourself out of the pit they threw you in. Mine actually lived a double life..."Honey I'm home." was said twice a day everyday for 14 years in 2 different households and I had NO CLUE. That's how good he was.

foodiefoodnerd said...

lynda, wow, how did you finally find out? Did a bunch of things suddenly start falling into place afterwards?

It's truly scary how much out own brains just fill in the holes, reasoning away the parts that don't fit, then keep building on that as if it's solid.

Filling in those holes, instead of looking and seeing what's not right is a primary way of ignoring our gift of fear.

It's also what the most skilled liars count on us for, and make the most of.
But just like with SA, if they don't say it, we can't say it - or think it - for them.

I'm very glad you got out when you did!!
And please don't blame yourself; if you've learned anything in here, it's how dangerous and how skilled are the pathological ones!

Unknown said...

The public is not meaning to bash the family they/we just want answers. Things don't add up. And if that little boy is hidden somewhere then the police wasted time.I think they would have got further if they sent a crew in on the other side and everyone would meet in the middle then they would have a better chance of finding him and I still don't get this I have 3 kids and getting that far that fast not gonna happen helicopters found the missing searchers but they can't find the baby come on now wake up