Tuesday, April 5, 2016

Email Analysis: Customer Service Question

A woman was attempting to purchase a rare or difficult to find part for her boyfriend's car and wanted to know if the small company was deceptive or not.  She sent him an email after days of debate; he has it, he does not have it; he has it, but it is on backorder, no, it is right here, and so on.  She was exasperated with not getting a firm answer.  She sent this email:  

"Hey, I have had enough of this going back and forth.  I want to cancel my order. "

She received the short reply:  

"Sorry about that.  Shipped already."

She wants to know if he is telling the truth or not.  

The part was already shipped out  and the return policy for the customer says that the customer pays return shipping within 7 days of receipt.  

The fact that the supplier responded without pronouns reduces commitment to both sentences. 

Why?

Why did he not say (or write), "I am sorry, but I have already shipped the product"?

If he is  in the U.S., but the product shipped from overseas, this could impact the language, too. 

Note that  he could have said, "I am sorry but the item already shipped from...", which would show the  geographical issue which can cause distance or lack of commitment. 

In this case, it is believed that the business owner shipped from his own locale.  

"Sorry" is without the pronoun "I" and
"shipped" is also without the pronoun "I."  

This means he is 'owning' neither statement.  

Does it indicate deception?  

Will the tracking thus show that it was shipped after the customer received this email? 


41 comments:

Nic said...

I would say it was mailed afterwards.

I'm going through the same thing myself right now. My son asked me to purchase something for him on-line. He paid me and I purchased through PayPal, so there is some resolution if need be. The following is what I received. I said to my son that it was probably the day he sent it and not to expect his package as stated. (We live two hours away.) :0)

Hello, I received your payment on march 7th. I shipped your order some time
after that and I marked it as shipped on march 12th. I remember going to
the post office and sliding different orders through the slot next to the
counter so that I wont go over the thickness limit. As the parcel was not
returned, I can't be a problem with unsufficient postage. If you don't
receive it but the end of next week, I'll do something. I know it's a long
time but many of my customers had a similar problem and that's really
annoying but I don't know why it's so slow.

Best regards,

Hey Jude said...

I don't know. I do notice pronouns are more likely to be dropped in short texts or emails than in longer ones or snail mail -'it's quicker on a phone or fiddly keyboard. If it's a very short message the writer might be in a hurry. I wouldn't order from that company again, either way, as they could not give a straight answer to the earlier emails. I'd think he was waiting on delivery of the item himself and messing me round rather than just saying he didn't have it but could get it if I was willing to wait a while. Shipped already -!'d wonder if he meant it had been shipped to him, rather than that he had shipped it to me.

Hey Jude said...

Sorry about 'that' rather than 'this', though - it's not current to him, so,maybe he did ship that order...

Hey Jude said...

Nic -

'I remember going to the post office and sliding different orders through the slot next to the counter so that I wont go over the thickness limit.'

' Won't' where he should have said 'wouldn't' if he had done it? He's trying to persuade a fair bit, too - I wonder if even he went to the post office.

Anonymous said...

"Sorry about that. Shipped already."

Reading that, I felt instantly depressed.

I doubt it had been shipped already, but if it had, I would have liked this reply:

"I completely understand, and no problem. We shipped it out last night, but we'll cover the return-shipping cost."

OR

"Okay, we won't ship it to you. I'm so sorry for all the back-and-forth on this, and hope for your business in the future."

BUT: "Sorry about that. Shipped already." THAT is disgusting.

Anonymous said...

"Sorry about that" feels sleazy & disingenuous because it starts off with assumption that receiver of message already has the news.

Not comparable, but just for illustration: Imagine your child dies in surgery, and the doctor comes out to the waiting room and tells you "Sorry about that" before giving you the actual bad news.

In this case, the starting out with "Sorry about that" - - that's his way of giving the bad news right off the bat that you're screwed.

"Sorry about that. Shipped already"

Translation: "You're screwed, and we don't care."


tania cadogan said...

Hello, I received your payment on march 7th. I shipped your order some time
after that and I marked it as shipped on march 12th. I remember going to
the post office and sliding different orders through the slot next to the
counter so that I wont go over the thickness limit. As the parcel was not
returned, I can't be a problem with unsufficient postage. If you don't
receive it but the end of next week, I'll do something. I know it's a long
time but many of my customers had a similar problem and that's really
annoying but I don't know why it's so slow.


Hi Nic

I received your payment on march 7th. I shipped your order some time
after that and I marked it as shipped on march 12th.

He doesn't tell us when he shipped the order only that it was shipped some time after that.
He doesn't say it was shipped on the 12th either, he only tells us he marked it as being shipped on the 12th>

I remember going to the post office and sliding different orders through the slot next to the counter so that I wont go over the thickness limit.
He still hasn't told us he mailed your order.
He tells us that he remembers going to the post office and sliding different orders through the slot, not that he slid your order through the slot.
So far he has made no mention of your order.
So is used to explain why something happened.
Here he refers to sliding different orders through so he won't go over the thickness limit.
This is not relevant to your order, which he still hasn't mentioned.
Won't is present tense not past tense as would be expected.
I wouldn't go over the thickness limit is the expected since this is something that has already happened as opposed to something he does in the future.

As the parcel was not returned, I can't be a problem with unsufficient postage.the as opposed to your parcel.
he also introduces unsufficient postage. as a reason.
I can't be a problem is in the present tense.
It is also in the negative making it sensitive.
Was not not has not?

If you don't receive it but the end of next week, I'll do something.
Why next week?
If he has been notified the parcel has not been received yet admits payment has been received, then surely he needs to be doing something now in order to find out what has happened to the parcel.
Again he refers to theparcel and not Your parcel.
What will he do?

I know it's a long time but many of my customers had a similar problem and that's really annoying but I don't know why it's so slow.
But is used to refute or negate or even compare.
Similar problems and not the same problem?
Hoe many is many?
This is close, that is distancing.
For there to be a that, there has to be a this.
But is repeated again in relation to annoying.
He also uses a qualifier word really
If this is a repeat problem why is he using the same delivery option.
He tells us what he doesn't know rather than what he does, making it sensitive.
Why didn't he chase the deliveries up if this is a common problem?

He only refers to your in relation to posting sometime after that without giving a date.
the rest of the time he generalises.
Marking something as shipped doesn't mean it has been shipped.
How does he mark something as shipped?
Where does he mark something as shipped?
Is there a tracker number provided when he ships the item?

I wonder if postage is the issue, he claims for x amount of postage and then pays less.
In the UK, if the postage is insufficient, the recipient has to pay the difference plus handling fees.

If this is eBay i wonder what his feedback scores are?

Anonymous said...

I reckon it hasn't been shipped at all. It'll get "lost" in transit.

Anonymous said...

Nic, he "remembers"?? NOT! Plus, the guy is over-explaining because he's trying to persuade.
Good luck.

Anonymous said...

OT:
A collegue of mine:

"First, you have done a really, really good job. I just want to get that out of the way."

I almost laughed! She went on to critique my work, fairly I must add, but it cracked me up that she had to get the praise "out of the way" first. Hahaha!

The Sheep said...

His memory of sliding packages isn't proof he mailed that package,

The Sheep said...

Not only does he withhold an "I"owning it, but he can't say "it" shipped, so the item isn't even present in the statement.

Anonymous said...

OT

How about a little fair play here. I am by no means a Clinton, Sanders, or Trump supporter (or Cruz).

While I don't have a direct quote, they are all over the internet.

Cruz has not denied having an affair.

He says it's garbage, that he's faithful, that his wife is his best friend, but no denial.

There is no denial in his initial response or in the town hall with Megyn Kelley the other day (or anywhere I can find).

Anonymous said...

OT

(Cont'd)

Cruz

In fact, he hasn't denied having five mistresses.

Vicki said...

I caught that too! My ears perk up when he talks. I have not heard Cruz issue a denial.

Peter Hyatt said...

In a follow up interview, he may have issued a denial. Mark was correct in limiting his work to not denying it and calling it "garbage", which is indeterminate in nature.

Consider that all people lie, but not all are liars.

There are those who commit adultery but are not adulterers and there are those who are adulterers.

There are those who erred or suffered in marriage and repaired the damage, divorced, etc. Then there are those who are serial adulterers who's own family cannot trust. These are those who demand that we trust them, while those closest to them cannot trust them.

I hope that the Statement Analysis blog causes better discernment than the American penchant for quick and lazy phraseology. We have been taken in, as a nation, by "who will save the children?" and "if it don't fit; you must acquit!" and a host of lies and propaganda due to the lack of discernment.

It is personally upsetting to me when I read bold analysis that is wrong. It is in worst case scenario, "101 on steroids" or at best, superficial.

The liar is one who lies as his norm. He cannot be trusted.
The adulterer is one who commits adultery. It is his norm. Even when age slows him down, he turns to pharmaceuticals. He cannot be trusted.

This goes for theft.

I can virtually prove that anyone is a thief. Consider the last time you walked out of a bank with a pen, or when you said your 13 year old was 12.

Honest people hurt over these things.

I feel it is better to limit politicians' personal lives unless there is a pattern where deception is part of his fabric.

We are at a place where honesty is not only out of vogue, but it is no longer the goal, or admirable trait it once was. We trust no one, and this has fed into lawyers; who are elected to make more and more laws, of whom they, themselves, profit from while we sue one another.

If Cruz has had a list of mistresses, it is who he is. If his own family cannot trust him, neither will I. This goes for any candidate.
When I listened to Hilary Clinton laugh over getting a child rapist off on a technicality, it is no different than learning the Muslim brotherhood, or an Islamic nation 'donated' millions of dollars to her campaign, influencing policy.

My concern about Monica Lewinsky was not cheating on Hilary; it was the fabrication of reality; the boldness, and in my own conclusion from reading testimonies, he is a rapist.

When George W. did what he did after 9/11, all I could consider was that he was not as stupid as the press portrayed him, and his connection to Middle East oil, is a part of his reaction. He should have screamed about the ideology of hatred that seeks our demise instead of praising it for its interpretation of the word "peace."

JFK had a stream of misstresses in and out of the White House. That's not a broken hearted mistake and one who is sorrowful and wishes to repair the damage of human frailty.

No marriage is perfect but I hope that readers here have learned that bold strokes often miss the mark, while wiping out much else.

Discernment is not easy. Anything in this life worth anything, takes effort and the sweat of our brow, even if the sweat is internal.

I hope this blog contributes to deeper thought.

Peter Hyatt said...

Anonymous Anonymous said...
OT:
A collegue of mine:

"First, you have done a really, really good job. I just want to get that out of the way."

I almost laughed! She went on to critique my work, fairly I must add, but it cracked me up that she had to get the praise "out of the way" first. Hahaha!


Very good!

you saw 'what was coming' but were also honest enough to say the critique was fair.

Peter Hyatt said...

Nic,

paypal is going to boycott North Carolina.

Like gov. Cuomo of New York, they do not want parents to have the ability to have their little girl use a public bathroom without the presence of a man.

How self destructive we have become!

Back to the paypal account you gave...This is a very lengthy explanation, so the first thing we note is the size!

Hello, I received your payment on march 7th. I shipped your order some time
after that and I marked it as shipped on march 12th. I remember going to
the post office and sliding different orders through the slot next to the
counter so that I wont go over the thickness limit. As the parcel was not
returned, I can't be a problem with unsufficient postage. If you don't
receive it but the end of next week, I'll do something. I know it's a long
time but many of my customers had a similar problem and that's really
annoying but I don't know why it's so slow.


Look for priority: "Hello" is a chosen greeting (unless it is automated, which then discounts what follows: the subject is not, here, ready to go to the mattresses with you. He is looking to make nice-nice, which is what should be done in customer service. This is his introduction and continues with the topic at hand most important to him:

The "payment."

This is his priority, which, even with good customer service, is not entirely unexpected, but should be balanced. If there is the mindset of repeat business, money is obviously important, but the return of the customer (repeat business) is sometimes the priority.

For him, it is not.

The payment is mentioned first, which is march 7th. This is a Monday. (I use the subject's capitalization or lack) --
He deliberately wrote that he shipped it "some time after that", which is undetermined, but he gives the additional information of when he "marked it shipped." The day of this fell upon a Saturday.

He chose to began with the payment. Hence, the priority.

Consider next, the use of "I remember" in the statement. This does not come in the very beginning (which could signal contamination, such as, "Do you remember when you shipped this?" in question form.

Therefore, if it was not part of your question, it is a signal that he is actually suppressing information. He is showing a need to tell you what he "remembers", which is a form of persuasion. Sometimes when an event is unusual, this phrase can be triggered. "I remember shipping your order because a vary large smelly man was in line before me and I almost gagged..." (which is obviously too much info, but is useful in understanding how sensory issues can trigger memory).

As the person is obviously struggling, he could be:
a. deceptive: it was shipped later
b. forgetful, therefore, instead of saying, "I apologize. I shipped it, but I don't recall exactly when, but I think it was Saturday."

Even when deception is present, we are not always certain as to its cause or root. This is even more evident in distancing language and is relevant in the sample I posted.

In this case, he has told us that his priority is not Customer Service, but money received and he uses a lot of words to make it sound as if Customer Service is his priority.

"Dear Nic,

Your item was shipped out to you, but I do not recall exactly when. Your payment was..."

This would change the psychology behind it.

What caused him to write this? Has he not received payment from others and has been burned? Or, is he just interested in quick sales, and no long term customer relationships? Is he vested in this business or looking to get out, or just a min wage type hire? on and on we dig!

For others:

I do enjoy these daily examples, and encourage others to post more of them.

Peter Hyatt said...

Think I am reading too much into the psychology of sales?

Listen to anonymous. This is a most common reaction in post sales interviews where customers were not treated well. We do an actual training for sales professionals on how to ask customer questions and use their own language to make them comfortable. My only caveat is that dishonest people can successfully use these techniques.

yet, for companies who use analysis to hire in the first place, they are reducing the odds of dishonest employees to begin with!

Listen to this anonymous reaction. It is not statement analysis but it is a common 'feeling' or psychological reaction to brevity, or rudeness, vagueness, lack of info, etc:

" Anonymous said...
"Sorry about that. Shipped already."

Reading that, I felt instantly depressed.

I doubt it had been shipped already, but if it had, I would have liked this reply:

"I completely understand, and no problem. We shipped it out last night, but we'll cover the return-shipping cost."

OR

"Okay, we won't ship it to you. I'm so sorry for all the back-and-forth on this, and hope for your business in the future."

BUT: "Sorry about that. Shipped already." THAT is disgusting.

April 5, 2016 at 5:34 PM "

end of post.

"THAT is disgusting" Anonymous wrote.

Besides needing her internal definition of "disgusting" the negative emotion she felt from just a few words is real and statistically it is accurate.

Thank you for the example!

Peter Hyatt said...

To others...
some interesting analysis here!

Tania, digging deeper!

The Sheep: thinking!

Others, please choose a nickname for discourse!

Peter

Anonymous said...

I agree the "shipped already" was short & rude. It's a small business that seems to ship items themselves, one expects ownership of statements. With larger companies, I think we'd need their definition of "shipped".

"Shipped" can mean internal processes, before a package ever hits the road. It can be "picked/packed" or "waybilled for the next courier". Both are "point of no return", AKA shipped.

In those instances, "it's been shipped" would not be accurate, nor would "We've shipped it". A lone "Shipped" communicates "too late for changes"; however, we as consumers assume a different meaning.

John mcgowan said...

I would like to see / read what other correspondence she has had with him regarding this?

Has he dropped pronouns in previous Emails?
If he has, where has he?
Is this his norm?

Yes, dropping pronouns shows lack of commitment. Without more information (written or verbal) i wouldn't call deception indicated on this statement alone.



Trishapatk said...

@ Nic
With regards to the situation where your seller wrote to you. There is no indication of what you wrote and how long after you had paid for it that you inquired about it.
As an eBay seller though, what he said makes perfect sense. If a buyer wrote and said they had not received something the first thing I would do is to see when it was paid for. That fits in with what he wrote. As for going to the post office with several packages, that makes sense if you can't just buy and print out postage online. If that is the case then it requires going back into eBay and specifically marking something as "shipped" - and it is entirely possible that it took a day or so to go back and mark it. Generally speaking the mail is very good and there is no need to mark things as shipped because they get there before anyone is wondering. He mentions that he remember something that helps him to know that it wasn't insufficient postage - that is legitimate. As for wanting to wait a bit before doing something, he is probably just waiting to see if it arrives. Sometimes packages do take longer, particularly if they're international. If it doesn't arrive then he will figure out what to do. He may have options, he may have more than one so he can send another, he may be able to look for receipts from shipping to see if it can be tracked, he may offer a refund.
I find the entire thing to be normal train of consciousness thinking and fits in with how I'd be thinking it through if a customer hadn't received something yet.
Statement analysis is great but sometimes it's just not fishy if you know what it's like from their perspective.
I hope you get your package soon. I think it would be helpful if you'd keep us posted.

Anonymous said...

"Hey, I have had enough of this going back and forth. I want to cancel my order."

"Sorry about that. Shipped already."

What is 'that' which he is 'sorry' about?

I'd reply something more like:

"I understand your frustration about the delay.

Just yesterday, however, we finally shipped it to you. You should have it today or tomorrow!"

The Sheep said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Nic said...

@Trishapatk, yes, I should have included my question.... I used the electronic invoice summary to communicate with the seller (I replied to it,) and wrote this to him:

Hi there!

We have not received this package yet. When can we expect to receive it? Is there a tracking number if it has been sent?

Thank you

Nic said...

Thank you everyone for your analysis and thoughts about on-line commerce.

Interesting notation about what is mentioned first, Peter. I've only been applying this principle to things that are itemized when I notice them. I'll do better to keep this in mind. I also piqued at the day of the week he mailed it (Saturday). We don't have weekend delivery in Canada, at least not in this city and region. But we can mail from Canada Post kiosks in drug stores.

Trishapatk, this purchase was not through eBay. It is an online store, so no score/feedback to check with first. The upside to this store was that it was Canadian. Better for my son because of the major hit we take on exchange, and the shipping would be more affordable, too. I did not receive an email saying it was shipped. We literally left for March Break vacation the day after the purchase was made and I was off-line and I didn't think about it again until I was going through my email after we got home and saw the e-receipt for payment. Then I looked for the "shipped" notification (thinking there would be one) but there wasn't. I went through all the mail and saw that it hadn't arrived.

I thought it was interesting that he said six days to receive packages from him within his province. I was having lunch on-the-go when I picked up his response via my iPhone. It was Friday, March 29th and he was asking me to wait until the end of this week (six business days). This is why I was thinking he had just mailed it. According to his location, he is two hours from us so six (business) days is a lot of time. But if that is the average delivery time (based on communication with his customers,) then he is using it as a benchmark.

However, (!) my secondary thought is that he wasn't certain if he mailed it or not, just that he marked the order shipped (two pages stuck together when he was processing his orders and he automatically reconciled my order with the shipped afterwards). So maybe he's thinking the same thing as me, ergo giving me the benefit of the doubt and offering to do "something" if the package doesn't arrive.

Nic said...

Re PayPal boycotting N.C.

People laugh about/at girls going to the bathroom in pairs. We've been conditioned that there is safety in numbers; not safe means that there is a man where he is not suppose to be. It's not a segregation/discrimination 'thing', it's a safety thing.

The LGBT community say they are hardwired, what do they think a pedophile is? The LGBT community may not be dangerous, but a predator is and they will use whatever means they can to get what they want. That includes dressing in drag if it means getting to pick low fruit.

foodiefoodnerd said...

Quoting yet another random Anonymous:

"A collegue of mine:

'First, you have done a really, really good job. I just want to get that out of the way.'

I almost laughed! She went on to critique my work, fairly I must add, but it cracked me up that she had to get the praise 'out of the way' first. Hahaha!"
~~~~

One of my favorite bosses called his preferred style the (feces) sandwich method - with the criticism sandwiched between nice, soft praise. (On either side, not just "out of the way" upfront! :^D)

One morning he stormed into my office, unloaded and stomped out before I could even point out he wanted my colleague, whose name was all over the stuff in his hands, not me.

I yelled down the hall after him, "Hey, where's my bread? You forgot the bread!"

He stood there confused for a few seconds, laughed, and offered enough "bread" for a loaf.

foodiefoodnerd said...

As to the e-mail quiz, it reads as if the sender quickly raced out and dropped (something) in the mail before replying, or squeezed under some other slimy technicality (wrong address, not enough postage, etc.) that only works if one lacks basic honor.

My guess is that this package (or one containing the correct, promised items) does not arrive by a date expected had it been properly mailed on the date claimed.

Jen Ow said...

"Sorry about that, shipped already".

My first impression of this statement is that it's flippant, and a bit mocking/aggresive toward the customer. Almost like, 'sorry 'bout your luck, but you're stuck with it'.

I'd like to know if the previous correspondence were polite, lengthy, etc., or if there was any indication of building animosity.

The response given offers no indication that the seller wishes to meet the customer's request. (To cancel the transaction.) If the item was legitimately already shipped, I would expect the seller to provide the date it was shipped, and instructions for returning the unwanted item when it arrives.

Nic said...

Guess what arrived today? :0)

The first thing I looked at was the postmark. The seller affixed single stamps on a grey plastic bubble envelope (not the yellow paper/bubble lined alternative). Since CP used a marker to cancel the stamps (the ink would have rubbed off,) I cannot say definitively that the package was mailed last Friday. I will say it most likely was. My son will have to find another seller.

foodiefoodnerd said...

"Sorry about that, shipped already"

"Too bad, so sad, shipped already"

"Sucks to be you, shipped already"

Notice how they all feel similar? At best the seller is an obnoxious moron who doesn't care about appearing honest or professional.

Liar isn't far behind if the person isn't there already.

Peter, do we get a definitive conclusion with this one? Has it concluded yet?

Nic said...

There is a strong case for "commit adultery once" an adulterer makes.

Comparatively, "The first hit is the hardest", once they are forgiven, they know they haven't crossed the boundary. Yet.

.... A comparison more appropriate, that I think you'd agree with, may be someone who got in a fight, but is not a fighter.

I respectfully disagree. I see that kind of situation as someone walking up the street, minding their own business and getting sucker punched by an unknown and then they being too stunned to hit back and/or defend themselves. Otherwise, the #2 has to have the wherewithal to turn 180 and walk away before it comes to blow. But then getting hit in the back of the head/similar.

Hey Jude said...

Anon @ 2.15 - where did anyone say that everyone commits adultery? I can't find it. I like you're arguing against the proposition, anyway.
Technically, what you say is true, but to paraphrase Jesus, 'It's the thought which counts." :) - or the look. So, there we have it.

Anonymous said...

OT
This evening while trying to find the correct parking area for an event,I mistakenly drove past a police barrier and didn't realise it until a police officer threw up her hands and yelled at me as I past her. I drove on a few yards looking for a spot to pull over and then another police car pulled up beside me; I put my window down to apologise and explain, but that officer yelled at me too. He ordered me to do a U-turn and go back the way I came, at which point I came across ANOTHER police officer who yelled at me to use my blinkers if I was turning right (at this point I wasn't even sure if I was supposed to turn right so I hesitated).
I made the turn, the burst into tears and couldn't stop crying for about 20 mins.
I know there's no statement to analyze here but I'm not on any other social media site but this one and I hope someone can help me figure out why I got so emotional at being yelled at.
My kids were in the car and the tears kept coming in part because I felt weak and powerless in front of them, like I let them down. They're used to their mom being calm and strong.
I'm still upset about how I reacted and I don't want to ever feel so powerless again, but I don't know how I will handle another confrontation if I'm even in a similar situation again.
Thanks for listening and any advice you have for me would be greatly appreciated.

Peter Hyatt said...

Anonymous said...
OT
This evening while trying to find the correct parking area for an event,I mistakenly drove past a police barrier and didn't realise it until a police officer threw up her hands and yelled at me as I past her. I drove on a few yards looking for a spot to pull over and then another police car pulled up beside me; I put my window down to apologise and explain, but that officer yelled at me too. He ordered me to do a U-turn and go back the way I came, at which point I came across ANOTHER police officer who yelled at me to use my blinkers if I was turning right (at this point I wasn't even sure if I was supposed to turn right so I hesitated).
I made the turn, the burst into tears and couldn't stop crying for about 20 mins.
I know there's no statement to analyze here but I'm not on any other social media site but this one and I hope someone can help me figure out why I got so emotional at being yelled at.
My kids were in the car and the tears kept coming in part because I felt weak and powerless in front of them, like I let them down. They're used to their mom being calm and strong.
I'm still upset about how I reacted and I don't want to ever feel so powerless again, but I don't know how I will handle another confrontation if I'm even in a similar situation again.
Thanks for listening and any advice you have for me would be greatly appreciated.



Perhaps an officer will weigh in on this in more detail, but consider:

you were being given orders with those who have lethal force and are in authority and were yelling. Perhaps, they felt danger, but as professionals, they must be able to control their own emotions. This is why I teach my son to never overly celebrate a goal, but to govern his own passions. It is not only insulting to the competition and it is unmanly, (the opposite of masculinity) but it also is a good opportunity to practice self control.

Many officers under tense situations keep a professional demeanor. Those that do eventually find themselves promoted and doing investigations.

It sounds like you experienced the opposite.

Peter

Anonymous said...

Thanks for responding, Peter. I hope I never have to experience anything like that again. I live in South Carolina where, as you probably know,sone police officers have made the news with their aggressive behavior. While my experience last night pales in comparision to those who've been seriously harmed, it shook me up. I keep reminding myself that it could have been worse and I'll get over it, I'll be ok.

Hey Jude said...

Anon - for a law abiding citizen to be yelled at by three police officers in the presence of her children is like conveying to the kids 'we think your mom is causing trouble, because three of us just yelled at her' - they, maybe, albeit unintentionally, upset your perception of yourself, and maybe also your kids' perception of you for that minute or two, which would be upsetting. I'd be upset if that happened to me, too. If you respect the law and officers of the law act in a disrespectful way towards you, it is bound to cause a jolt to your system - that's not what they are meant to do - it's unexpected, it's not as if you were committing a crime.

Anonymous said...

I appreciate your feedback, Jude. How you described my perception of myself and how my kids perceived me, was on point!
One good thing that has come out of it is that I have been hyper vigilant since; my husband noticed that I made a full stop rather than a "rolling stop" at a stop sign today. So there's that.

Hey Jude said...

Anon - kudos to you for not being put off driving, and they did you a favour in a roundabout sort of way, if it makes you drive more carefully - it's good to look for the positives of a situation. :)