Consider how the brain interprets words we hear:
Any single word spoken in English may have 2 or 3 different meanings. Next, any one of these meanings could have an emotional component (reaction by hearer) to the word, itself, besides the emotional component if the hearer is actually hearing the voice inflection rather than reading the word.
Next, in a given sentence, we may have between 7 and 25 words, and in a given paragraph, we may have 4 to 7 sentences.
Each word must be interpreted by the brain, within a sentence, along with the emotional components, and then the sentences must be heard, and in any given answer, an entire paragraph of information must be interpreted for understanding requiring an immediate answer.
The only way to survive is to dull the brain into getting 'the Reader's Digest version" of what was said.
In other words,
If the average person were to give strong concentration on the use of each word coming out of a person's mouth, the stress would be too much to bear. The brain's processing would be on overload and cause exhaustion, which further shuts down the perception.
Ever meet an incessant talker?
This is the one who seems to never stop talking and has either very low self awareness or simply does not care the toll he or she takes upon the audience (you).
Anyone in a close relation with an incessant talker knows what it is like.
In Hollywood, the comedic scenes show characters seeing the incessant talker and running the other way just to avoid the stress.
Think about it:
a dramatic increase in words that the brain must interpret leads to shutting down and the "Charlie Brown's Teacher Effect" of
"blah, blah, blah, blah and blah..." expect is sounding like it began with the letter "w" instead.
Many times, the entire message of the incessant talker is lost. A marriage to an incessant talker can lead to the purchase and judicious use of earphones, or...
The Solomonic wisdom says "in a multitude of words, there is no lack of sin" as incessant talkers will prove the truth of Solomon's observation. This can lead to embarrassing or even humiliating events in life which build and can take a toll on one's health and eventually on the relationship.
Every family has its "crook in the lot" struggles, and you can be guaranteed that the incessant talker will reveal private matters to the detriment of all.
But in any case, the brain seeks to protect itself by 'lowering the amps' and reducing the processing of words by the overworked and fatigued brain. When repeated, avoidance steps in.
In criminal investigations, some clever suspects actually will use incessant talking to take you off track yet, as they run to the tangents, the crime committed remains on the mind, and its avoidance becomes a priority. This is dealt with in one of two ways:
1. Let him run knowing that his words will eventually yield important information;
2. Let him talk but a short while, and remind him that you are aware of his need to avoid answering questions.
This decision must be made instinctively by the Interviewer/Investigator and at a time that appears best. This decision sometimes can be aided by the content of the tangent. I have used both methods effectively.
I advise criminal investigators to be mentally prepared to do battle with the incessant talker, who is the exception to the rule of Analytical Interviewing's standard of "do not interrupt."
Deceptive people are counting on you and I to move into a more severe and self-protecting "dulled listening" status.
Recall the humorous theft case in which the suspect, being interviewed, rambled on and on about his favorite fishing hole, fishing technique and fishing equipment, while avoiding discussing the theft.
The tired investigator woke up in the middle of the night and rushed to the suspect's favorite fishing location only to find the missing safe, sunk in shallow water.
We have seen many such examples of suspects' attempts to move away from the topic at hand, only to trip over it.
Recall Cindy Anthony's denial of knowing where Caylee's body was dumped when she told media "George and I don't believe, you know, Caylee's in the woods, or anything" as the tiny body lay down the block, in the woods.
Justin DiPietro's lie that Baby Ayla was kidnapped as he gave us the visual image he had as he worried that she would be found in water:
"Contrary to rumors floating around out there, I have been cooperating with the Waterville Police..." said the deceptive father with the life insurance policy bet against the toddler.
We get this from training, and specifically, introducing brain pattern recognition; over and over and over until you will "circle pronouns in your head" as someone speaks.
The commitment to ongoing training is key.
It always comes and it does not take specific 'effort'; only repetition. It is like the chess player who does nothing but studies tactics until his brain immediately recognizes the presence of a brutal tactic; something that comes into play in more than 99% of non professional chess games. He goes on to beat everyone in the neighborhood by this constant repetition of brain recognition.
Question: What is the difference the Major League Pitcher, who throws the ball at 95 mph differ from the Minor League Pitcher who throws at 95 mph but will never advance?
Answer: the brain's concentration level.
The movement and precise location, where the brain tells the body, and specifically, the arm, wrist, and hands, precisely what motion will put the ball in a precise location. It only comes from causing the brain pattern recognition to an extreme limit.
How did Tiger Woods hit a tiny ball into a tiny hole, over and over? The constancy is not luck.
Brain concentration with major repetition.
Statement Analysis formal training and practice combats this and allows you to pick up the key words and phrases most associated with deception during the actual conversation with statement analysis moving naturally to reading analysis and eventually discourse analysis.
For formal training for you or your department or business, go to Hyatt Analysis Services and put a stop to the contempt of deceivers.
Here is a rather humorous view from Psychology Today about dealing with a friend who is an incessant talker...It may be fine for social settings, but not for those of us who need information. The recommendations are what experience may find comical. Most people only find #5 to work.
Your friend tells you every trite detail of what has transpired since the last time you were together and then, without skipping a breath, reaches further back into the past and tells you stories you've already heard. Your friend's speech is pressured and feels unrelenting.
If you like the person well-enough to want to remain friends, here are five tips for making that lunch easier to digest:
1) Try interrupting periodically
Don't feel shy about changing the topic, or directly asking your friend to slow down or stop for a minute so you can have a turn to speak. Given the situation, it isn't rude or impolite. If you're lucky, you may startle the heck out of your friend, disrupt a pattern of one-way conversation, and seize an opportunity to speak and be heard.
2) Be cautious about inadvertently encouraging more of the same
When you're totally bored, don't feign interest by asking questions or giving the yakker other types of positive feedback, perhaps in the form of head nods or ah-ha's. If you look disinterested or glance at your watch, the talker may slow down.
3) Don't label or call the person names
Yes, your friend is probably self-centered, narcissistic and insecure---but if you mention this, the person will only become more defensive, and it may exacerbate the problem rather than solve it. Remember, you're at lunch, not at therapy or a coaching session and you have the right to expect reciprocity.
4) Identify "not being able to get a word in" as a problem for YOU
If you are truly a good friend, tell your friend bluntly---but kindly---that you are feeling frustrated when you get together. Tell your friend that you need and want more give and take in your conversations. If you're lucky and your friendship is solid, the person may have a glimmer of self-insight.
5) If you can't change your friend's behavior, you may have to change your relationship
If your friend continues to drone on each time you get together, which is the most likely outcome, you either have to accept the person as-is---or downgrade the relationship: The incessant talker may actually be more tolerable and entertaining in small doses; or else, the intensity of the person's chatter might be diluted proportionately if you get together within a group of common friends instead of in a twosome.
If you do decide to call it quits, you'll recoup time to nurture other friendships with people with whom you can have more meaningful and balanced conversations. One more tip, don't' worry. The friend who talks too much will probably find someone else to listen. When someone talks incessantly, there's always a new audience within easy reach---friends, family, or colleagues.