Friday, May 5, 2017

Lacy MacCauley Rape Allegation Analyzed

Not a real smile. This selfie was taken a few moments after my abuser stormed away from me, when I refused to do cocaine with him and his friends. We were on a farm near the town of Serik, far from anything I’d known. I tried to just take solace by the river.

The following was sent to me for analysis of a claim of rape. 

Question for Analysis

Is she telling the truth?

She reports in the end of her account that her story was rejected, "perhaps" for political content.  

Was it for a different reason?  We allow the subject to speak for herself.  I have added highlighting to help guide student analysts. 

Statement Analysis is added in bold type. 

The analysis is not exhaustive, but a sketch where we simply answer the analysis question, "is she telling the truth?"  Some content is examined, but for the sake of brevity in a lengthy (4000 + word article), the focus is on veracity or deceptive indictors.  

My experience of intimate partner violence, trapped in Turkey

Maybe I reached too high, and had too far to fall. It has been two months since my return to the US. Intimate partner violence, or domestic abuse, was something I never imagined that I would stumble into. But misogyny and patriarchy run deep, especially in Turkey, and I found myself in a bad situation.

Where a subject begins a statement is always important and indicates priority. 
She tells us in the negative what she never imagined.  




The first two weeks were quite the love story… Then came our first fight.

I am a radical activist based in Washington DC. I fell in love with an energetic, charismatic activist I met in November when I was present to write about resistance to the G20 Summit, a global event in Antalya, Turkey. 

Here she gives us an indicator of her linguistic pattern with straight forward reliable language:  "I am a radical activist."

Therefore, with the intrusive violent nature of rape, we may expect the same reliable affirmation of the criminal assault of rape.  

Note the inclusion of "radical" which is sometimes denied by those who are radical.  This is because "radical" allows for the use of deception as well as coercively silencing free speech.  The radical's resistance to deception is often absent.  

Please keep note on the amount of words she dedicates to her political agenda and compare them to the amount of words she uses to describe her rape.  

Please also take note of the form of the statement.  A reliable statement should be approximately:

25% of the content setting the stage for the assault;

50% of the content is the assault, or main part of the account, 

and 25% of the content will be what happened after the assault, including such things as contacting police, going to the hospital, and so on.  

This is natural in truthful accounts because the most important thing is the event, itself.  

The overwhelming number of deceptive statements are heavily front-loaded in the introduction of the event, which here, is rape.  

                   The statement is 4,083 words.  

The formula for reliable information should produce anything close to 

1,000 words introduction
2,000 words about the event
1,000 words after the event 

Please note she tells us the reason why she was in Turkey.  This makes the location sensitive.  She was "to write"  there.  She experienced Turkish culture.  

After I came home to the US, we talked every day. He was lovely and charming, I thought at the time. He offered a ready smile, engaging kindness, and intelligent conversation. He said all the right things to convince me that he cared about women’s rights and activism. In February, I decided to return to Turkey with the promise of love driving me forward. I couldn’t have known things would turn sour.

The pronoun "we" is used to join her to the rapist before the assault.  This is appropriate.  It shows unity and cooperation.  

In factual rape accounts, the word "we" is used prior to the rape, but once the rape takes place, the use of the pronoun "we" ceases, as the rape victim no longer sees herself unified with a rapist. 

Pronouns are intuitive and are 100% reliable in deception detection.  

When the pronoun "we" enters a victim's language after the rape, she is unifying herself with the very one of whom no such unity should exist.  

From child rape victims to elderly, including incest, the word "we" is ejected from their vocabulary because in their account of being raped, the rape, itself, has broken all unity. 

In false allegations, the deceptive accuser continues its usage.  

I thought that even if this were not going to develop into a deeper relationship, it would be an opportunity to learn more about this Muslim country during an interesting political moment, and I could do some work around refugees. I also thought, hey, at least I would probably make a dear friend.

We continue to wait for the account.  

The first two weeks were quite the love story. I observed that he was drinking heavily, and called him an “alky,” but it was just a joke at first. We went to the beach and historic sites, and he introduced me to his friends. All seemed to be going well, and I felt that the romance was solidly moving forward.
Then came our first fight. I had wanted to interview a local woman for an article on Syrian refugees. He did not approve. He knew the woman and did not like her, so he strictly forbade me from speaking with her. After I questioned his rationale, he yelled and stormed out of the room to go smoke a cigarette. 

After reporting a confrontation, she still feels the need to tell us why he "stormed" out of the room.  
It is very likely that there is a reason why he stormed out of the room that she is withholding here.  


I just stood in the middle of the room not knowing what to do. Of course, as a Western woman, no one had ever forbidden me from speaking with anyone else. It was a strange feeling: Don’t I have a mouth to speak? Why can I not use it as I wish?

Note the use of questions in an open statement.  As a feminist, and having grown up where no one has ever forbidden her, we note the emotion she expresses:  "a strange feeling."

She does not report this as threatening, or something she condemns, or even something she submitted to.  

This is a form of minimization.  


This is elementary feminism. No man has the power to silence a woman, just because he is a man

We now need to know what other reasons a man may have the power to "silence a woman."

Please note that this is not the silencing of her, but of "a" woman.  



How far backwards things would slide in the coming weeks.
What I found over the next few weeks was absolute frustration of my efforts to do my advocacy work. 

Was she forbidden by coercion to do her advocacy work, or was it "frustrating" (note "absolute" frustration).

This type of language does not show commitment.  It would be interesting to speak to the man here.  Given the language of romance used this far, note the lack of commitment via continual use of "passive voice" (beyond single indicator of passivity) with "a person."

A "man" has become "a" and "a person" while she wants us to believe she was under his control. 

Passive voice is often used as a means of deception where one refuses to commit to an account because the subject is story telling; not reliably reporting what happened. 

Passive voice (often found in lengthy sentences) removes the subject and the offender from any action.

We wait to hear her say, "he raped me."

Is she a prisoner under a violent rapist who will not allow her to do her advocacy work?


I had put myself in a place of dependence upon a person who, as it turned out, would have liked to keep me by his side and control my every move. He hindered, rather than helped, the work I tried to do there.

Note passivity and who is in control. 

After the first few weeks, I thought about leaving every day, but I had not budgeted for hotel rooms, flights, or buses, nor done the groundwork needed to act effectively there. I had assumed, based on things he’d said, that he’d be helping me with translation and navigating the system. But our conversations made it clear that he had no intention of helping, and was more interested in guilt-tripping me for wanting to do anything else than just spend time with him. I felt stuck.

Things deteriorated rapidly. His insecurity and childishness got worse. In the following weeks, I was violently pushed, blocked from leaving freely, and repeatedly told not to speak. If I spoke anyway, anger erupted. I endured threats that I would be burnt with cigarettes, flinching as he “faked” with his lit cigarette. I had to duck to avoid having sharp objects thrown at my face. I had water angrily poured over my head.

We continue to wait for the assault and for her to tell us 

"He raped me."  


On one occasion, he threw my iPhone angrily to the ground (luckily it did not break) while I was trying to exchange contact information with an Irish woman. 

We now have a more reliable sentence with "he threw my iPhone" which a rape victim needs to call for her.  She gives us additional information about her "work" including unnecessary detail.  

He had such a strange look about him that I feared for my safety when I got into the car with him to go home.

Here is the inclusion of emotion. 

Rape victims experience intense trauma and we find the emotions come in the "after" portion of the statement.  

In story telling, they are in the "perfect" or "logical" place in a statement; a single of artificial editing and suspense building. 

The rape takes time to process for the victim. They report "He raped me" and afterwards, what they felt emotionally.  When the rape occurs, they often report what they experienced physically but the emotional inclusion takes place later in reliable statements.  The exception is sometimes seen in the passing of many years, as processing of such trauma takes time.  


 He proceeded to drive like a maniac, accelerating menacingly towards a wall and recklessly endangering both of us. This was such a strange evening that the Irish woman I’d met earlier in the night actually sent a text message after I’d left, checking to make sure I was okay. Yes, I was, I told her, even if that wasn’t entirely true.

Here is a signal that analysts are well familiar with where the subject has a "need to persuade" rather than truthfully report. She is withholding information here.  

Another drunken, angry moment came after my abuser had arranged to borrow a car from his friend in order to drive across Turkey to visit a refugee camp and get an interview with a certain aid worker. (He did so only when I told him that I would take a bus alone.) 

1.  Another drunken, angry moment came" is passivity.  Passivity is used to conceal identity and/or responsibility.  It lacks commitment.  In context, we now must ask if she, herself, was "drunken" and "angry" due to concealment. 

2.  Note the unnecessary need to explain "why" he borrowed a car and why he needed it.  This strongly indicates that she is concealing detail about this car and trip.  

3.  Note the authoritative language of "told" here, from the subject herself.  This affirms the incongruity of the language that preceded it.  



The night after the interview, my abuser, holding my recording device in one hand and a beer in the other, threatened to delete the audio interview that we had both worked so hard to get. 

Here she reliably reports that "her" abuser threatened to delete the audio.  

Please note that while he is making this threat, the pronoun "we" remains in her language.  

However, this is a reliable sentence, even though she felt it necessary to report who was holding the device.  This suggests that, here, he had the ability to delete because he was holding it, making the "frustration" above, in context, consistent with one who is not being truthful about threats. 

It is interesting to note that she still considers them unified at this point in her story.  ("we") 



What triggered his anger that night? I had (politely) corrected him on a fact about the refugee camp that we had learned earlier in the day. '

Previously, she concealed responsibility regarding "drunk" and here she editorialized (parenthesis indicates private conversation) her "correction" of him as "politely."  This unnecessary inclusion does give us insight into content.  Did she "mansplain" him?

The need to classify her "correction" as "polite" suggests to the contrary, especially with her use of "triggered."

This assertion is now further weakened by:  


I guess he couldn’t accept that his maleness did not equal permission to be right every single time. (I tricked him into giving me back the device, and I backed up the file immediately.)

We are given insight into her thinking and her sense of superiority over him.  

Next, she changes chronological order:  



Earlier that day, he had delayed our arrival at the interview, after pulling the car to the side of the road and irrationally threatening not to drive for another hour. He then decided to steer far out of the way in order to get a beer, despite my urging him to just drive straight to the interview site and get a beer later. 

She feels the need to explain why he decided and it is about alcohol.  She makes alcohol very sensitive in unreliable reporting.  

One should question if the subject has an issue with alcohol as the sensitivity (including passivity) strongly suggests concealment of information in context with alcohol.  


We were in danger of missing the interview completely, if we did not arrive before the aid workers left for the day. But his anger had been triggered when he interpreted a vague, unimportant comment that I made about a road while looking out the window and away from him as “not listening” and “disrespecting” him. So thin and frail was his confidence.

We continue to wait for her to say "he raped me" and the pronoun "we" to be ejected from the victim's language.  

Remember:  we believe what one tells us:  

Unwanted sex? Rape? All the time. 

Here, we note several indicators of deception. 

1.  She does not say "he raped me"; therefore, we cannot say it for her. 
2.  It is in the form of questions in an open statement.  This is another indictor that the subject is using a theme in anticipation of being interpreted rather than outright lie.  Remember, 90% of deception is missing information. 
3.  Note the order:  "unwanted sex?" comes before "rape?" 
4.  She does not use the pronoun "I" linking herself to unwanted sex.
5.  She does not use the pronoun "I" linking herself to rape. 
6.  She does not use the pronoun "he" linking him to unwanted sex.
7.  She does not use the pronoun "he"linking him to rape. 

She does not say she was raped and the event has not yet begun in the story. 

We continue to wait until she says she is raped.  

Rape victims tell us they were raped.  She has not yet.  


He did not stop to determine whether I consented to sex. Several times, he turned off my wifi and lied about it, 

this is in juxtaposition to rape.  
Note only does it minimize rape but she reports he "lied" about it.  

This should pale in context of a rape allegation.  


a modern-day form of gaslighting. He verbally criticized me for using social media, my main link to the rest of my life back in the US, and tried to discourage me from using it. He forced me to unfriend one Turkish man on Facebook, and wanted me to unfriend many more.

All the while, he drank heavily every day. I tried to pretend that everything was okay, that these challenges were minor, that I just needed to grin and bear it and try to get my work done. I told myself that this would not be permanent, that I just need to endure. Even though things got progressively worse, each time I looked to the horizon. I put silver linings on all of the clouds.
Not a real smile. This selfie was taken a few moments after my abuser stormed away from me, when I refused to do cocaine with him and his friends. We were on a farm near the town of Serik, far from anything I’d known. 

Deception Indicated 


I tried to just take solace by the river.
Then there were his attempts to control my social media content, especially as pertains to the political situation in Turkey. He would look at my social media profiles and rebuke me for my commentary. At first, I genuinely questioned my perspective, and wondered if I should take his words into account. After all, he is Turkish and I am not. But I soon realized that I did not share his opinions on Turkey’s domestic or foreign policy. I stood my ground on my right to free speech. Luckily, his efforts at censorship were stymied by his inability to understand my written text in English. But if he could have, he would have loved to have total control over my words. This was an extreme form of control and a violation of my free speech.

And there was the day that we drove out to some farm land near the town of Serik, far from the area of Antalya that I was familiar with, with several of his friends. We were drinking whiskey on the way out to the land. When we got there, we proceeded to walk around and enjoy the land. Then, my abuser told me that all of them would be taking cocaine. (Drug use among men is not shunned in Turkey the way it is in the US. Cocaine is something that Turkish men actually do a shocking amount of.) I told him that I did not want to take cocaine, and did not feel safe with his friends. He took issue with this, and tried to convince me that I should just do the drugs. I refused. He stormed away and presumably imbibed, leaving me to stroll around alone for the next hour by the river.

There are many indicators of deception.  


I shed so many tears on Turkish soil. After angry outbursts from my abuser, he would calm down and often apologize. He would want us to hang out with his friends and carry on as if everything were normal. He would turn his charm back on. He even treated me with some kindness in between his angry episodes. I coped somewhat by getting drunk with him, so that I would stop caring. And I would “forgive” him. After all, I felt I had nowhere to go.
Although services are rare in Turkey for intimate partner violence survivors, they do exist. I now know that should have tried to find one. I even could have gone to the US consulate or US State Department offices. I think I was just too proud. At the time, I didn’t want anyone to know of these issues, except for hinting to family members in e-mails that we were having arguments.
But I know now not to blame myself. Yes, I had made myself vulnerable, but I couldn’t have guessed that this man, who said he cared about women’s rights, who spoke of how many activist friends that he had, who had participated in many protests in the past, would turn on me, and that he would become so angry and irrational.
One-third of men surveyed in Turkey in 2013 stated that it is “occasionally necessary” to commit acts of violence against women, and 28 percent stated that violence could be used to “discipline women.” I did not want to believe that I was in this statistic. I had dreams of him strangling me to death. I was in constant fear of his next angry episode. I had lost respect for him, even as he angrily demanded respect from me in a variety of situations. But I still “forgave” him, too many times.
I honestly think that one of the reasons that I have been silent about this for two months has been that I did not want to feed into the narrative of Muslim men being aggressive. I didn’t want to fuel hatred or racism. But silence breeds complicity, and am now telling this story in order to heal.

After a particularly horrible evening of arguments and him violently throwing things, I had managed to successfully collect my luggage, saying I would walk to a hotel. He said he would drive me there. I think he did so because he wanted to make sure that I didn’t leave while he was away, without him at least knowing where I was. We sat mostly in silence. I got checked in at the hotel, still not knowing if I would be able to afford all of this, and we said a very strange goodbye.
Two days later, however, I was jailed by Turkish police for several hours when I tried to simply enter a large public speech in Antalya by the president of Turkey. (They make a habit of jailing reporters and activists, and I didn’t look like I fit their norms.I wrote about this experience with the Turkish police here.) I had an “out of the frying pan and into the fire” sensation. After a harrowing ordeal, I was released that afternoon, and I decided to call my abuser to alert him that all of this had happened. I had given the Turkish authorities all of my information, including my passport information and the address of my hotel, and was fearful that the authorities would show up again to arrest me. Stroking his ego that he was my protector, he came to my side. He may have been awful, but I felt safer knowing that this abusive man at least had my back and would not let me disappear into a Turkish jail.

The worst moment of this relationship came on our last weekend together. 

For rape victims, there is no moment worse than rape.  


Although I was already aware that I had to get away from him, he had talked me into allowing him to accompany me on a college tour and other activities in Istanbul, and arranged for us to stay in his friend’s apartment. I thought I could use his help with navigation and would save money on hotel arrangements. But the moment that we both arrived in the city, he began angrily arguing with me about directions. I at first tried to smile and calm him down, but then he once again insulted my intelligence. I told him that I was leaving and began walking toward a district with hotels and hostels that I knew. But he grabbed my suitcase and quickly carried it to a nearby taxi stand, closing it into the trunk. The taxi driver spoke no English, and my abuser began communicating with him in Turkish. I had no choice but to go with him, sitting alone in the backseat and crying. What a mistake I’d made to allow this abuser to come with me to another city.
A few thrown objects and another bad argument later, he again apologized. I felt that the situation was hopeless. But again I was too proud to reach out, which was a mistake. I would be leaving the country soon enough, I thought. Either way this will all be over soon.
The next day, we were on the college campus, surrounded by young students who spoke English. I think he sensed he now didn’t have control over my communication, as everyone around me spoke some English. When I tried to ask a young man for directions, my abuser’s mood changed dramatically. He angrily said that I needed to “respect” him, with other young students walking past, and he threatened to burn me with his cigarette. Trying to avoid causing a scene, I remained calm and tried to diffuse his anger. (As if it is my job to manage the childish anger of this man!) A few minutes later, he decided, for basically no reason, that we should not be inside the building we were in, barred me with his arms, and forced me to walk down the stairs and out of the building. I tried to comply with his irrational wishes to avoid making a public scene.
A few minutes later, as we were walking outside on a quiet campus path, he snapped. He began repeatedly pushing me, basically trying to push me off of campus. (His angry words were “Okay, we are leaving! We are leaving!”) A professor leaned out of her office window to tell him to stop. Speaking in English, she said, “I don’t like how you were pushing her.” A man with a phone appeared. We both had to leave. I walked in silence with him for half an hour until we were far away from campus, but at a bus station surrounded by people. I told him that I was leaving for good. I firmly told him exactly why, and told him that no one deserved the treatment that I have received. He responded by taking my bag with my extra money, my iPad, my journal, and some of my cherished keepsakes, telling me that I would have to come with him if I wanted my belongings, and rapidly walking off. He refused to return my bag, forcing me to chase him through the streets. Meanwhile, onlookers appeared somewhat concerned, but no one stopped to help or ask questions. How many cases of abuse fly under the radar as “just another lover’s quarrel”?
I finally caught up with him and told him once and for all to return my bag so that I could go back to our room, in his friend’s apartment, and collect my things so that I could leave him. He refused to tell me his friend’s home address, phone number, or even last name so that I could contact the friend and access my luggage. Then he threatened to steal all of my luggage and bring it back with him across the country, all the way from Istanbul to Antalya.
When I threatened to call the police, he gave me the most evil eye and told me that domestic abuse was not taken seriously in Turkey. He said, accurately, that we would likely both wind up in jail if I did that, and he would simply talk his way out of the situation. After all, I had no bruises or broken bones, and with his silver (forked) tongue he could easily talk his way out of the situation. How dare he discuss these injustices now, I thought, injustices that he had learned from his feminist friends, in order to perpetrate his own male violence against me. But I knew that he was right.
Instead of opening a court case against him that I was unlikely to win, I let him successfully use the threat of him stealing all of my possessions to force me to stay one more night, marching forward like a prisoner. I had no freedom to leave. That was one of the strangest nights of my life. But I survived. I made it out. I had stayed with him for more than two months.
Spirit, Shame, and Stigma
The physical abuse was accompanied by degrading comments. Like many abusers, his real desire is for control, and he sought that through psychological means first. He said I was disorganized, I was too proud, I was a “prostitute” for accepting donations for my advocacy work, I was social-media-addicted, my social media wasn’t even very good, I made him wait an extra five seconds (not exaggerating, five seconds!) while downloading the latest US State Department travel advisories, which made him flip out and yell at me for ten minutes, I had probably had sex with all of the Turkish men who were my Facebook friends, I talked too much, I asked him the wrong questions, etc etc.
His desire to degrade me, however, only made me push back harder and verbally defend myself. I am no shrinking violet. He can try to push, but there is an iron rod at my core that will not budge. He was unable to shake my sense of self-worth. I believe that is why he progressed from psychological means of control to physical ones.
How can a radical activist and a feminist find herself in a relationship like this? An abundance of optimism is perhaps my greatest crime.
In the end, though I had been dependent upon my abuser in Turkey, I had the privilege of getting on an airplane and leaving. At the end of all of this, I was able to cross the Atlantic Ocean and get away from him forever.
Turkish women are not so lucky. Although they experience more freedom than women in other Muslim countries, about 42 percent of women in Turkey report intimate partner violence. Meanwhile, Turkish officials make unhelpful comments telling women to avoid public laughter and not to be “inviting” in their behavior, lest they become victims of sexual violence. The Health Minister and President say that the “most important career” for a woman is motherhood. This does nothing to improve the status of women in Turkey.
“Sometimes, it’s not violence, but the threat of violence that makes life so hard,” I was told by a wise woman. Maybe that is why Turkish women can seldom be seen outside the home at night. Maybe that is why they are so quiet. Maybe it is the constant threat that wears you down, more than the dramatic, but occasional, acts of physical violence.
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Although they experience more freedom than women in other Muslim countries, about 42 percent of women in Turkey report intimate partner violence. Here, a woman plays music on a street corner in Çanakkale, Turkey.
I haven’t known how to talk about all of this without feeling re-traumatized. Also, as much as I know that I should not feel guilty, there is the stigma of “if it happens once, shame on him, but if it happens twice, shame on you.” I feel like this stigma is compounded and multiplied for a feminist woman like myself. Shouldn’t I have had the strength to bust out of there at the earliest hint of trouble? I ask myself that question, too. I was riding an aggressive surf, and it was calm between the crashing waves. Surely I could have slipped out unnoticed when the waters were quiet?
There are hundreds of reasons that women make the choice to stay with an abuser at first: for self-preservation, for economic reasons, for their children. Maybe they have been demoralized and believe the lies their abuser tells them. But we survive, and leave when we can.
I know that the choices I made were for self-preservation. I tried, with cheerful resilience, to make the most of the situation. I stayed because I was trapped without money in a foreign country, I barely knew the language, and I knew the justice system was unlikely to believe me if I called the police.

Here is the need to explain why she did not make a report.  


I am still dealing with the post-trauma aftershocks of all of this.

It is absent from her language.  


 It is honestly hard sometimes to go forward. I have barely done any writing for two months on my experiences in Turkey, despite the country’s deteriorating political situation. I have had a creative block, walking around with my head on fire but unwilling to talk openly about it. Why? This is what is real for me now: My experience of intimate partner violence.
It is funny that my family and friends were so worried about terrorism, about bombs or ISIL or the Kurdish fighters. And no doubt the various attacks that happened while I was there were also traumatizing. But what my loved ones should have been worried about was the man next to me in my Facebook photographs, with his Cheshire smile. Somehow, I couldn’t bring myself to talk about it until now.
There is a deep place inside of me now that knows what it is like to be truly unsafe, to feel like I have nowhere to turn, to simply go through the motions for self-preservation. But the past is getting more and more distant, and each day is a new chance to heal, to forgive myself, and to move forward.
Telling this story helps. Writing things down is a form of releasing them, giving them little wings. I survived. I feel stronger now. I feel wiser now.
My heart goes out to all of the women who are surviving right now under the thumb of an abuser. I am speaking to you.

Lying hurts victims.  


 You have more strength and power than you know. Reach out, get help. You may feel, as I did, that there is no help for you. But there is always help. There are people out there who are ready to love you, believe you, and help you. You can get your life and your joy back. You have a unique gift to share with the world, and the world deserves to hear from you.
*Note that I tried to post this article on a blog for Personal Domestic Violence Stories, but the story was not accepted, perhaps because of political content. So I post it here.

Analysis Conclusion

Deception Indicated

The subject does not state that she was raped; therefore, we shall not say it for her. 

There are many indicators of deception within her statement; far too many for the scope of this article.  

The subject's motive is self promotion through false victim status.  The article was rejected very likely because the deception is obvious.  

The subject's connection to substance abuse is acute.  

The language shows no association with rape nor with trauma.  

Even if she redefined rape to fit a narrative, she does not believe her own words:  it would not have produced the abundance of deceptive indicators.  She would not have listed "unwanted" before "rape."

It is critical to believe someone who says, "he raped me", even if we must further explore "rape" and seek for perseveration from those suffering from mental health issues:  it is our starting point. 

Here, she is unwilling to make the statement because she is deceptive.  She has no experiential connection with rape.  Even if she had a very loose definition of "rape", her language would not show indicators of deception.  

To deceive, one must have intent.  We pick up intent within the language of deception.  Simply being wrong, mistaken, or having blurred the definition of rape or sexual assault does not show intent to deceive. 

She shows intent to deceive throughout.  

It is not only a lie, but a betrayal of rape victims. 


Rape is a most invasive and personal assault and the language will reflect this, including analyzing such elements as disassociation.  I have long worked with victims of domestic violence and have developed a data base of the language of sexual assault victims.  Those who attempt to use deception for political gain can impact victims who, after reports like this, may fear coming forward. 

Here we have a combination of "radical" and Islam, which is a totalitarian criminal supremacist ideology with elements of sexual violence and a religious element, which allows for deception (tacquia) for its propagation.  When these two elements are met with substance abuse, the potential for society harm increases dramatically.  



For deception detection training go to Hyatt Analysis Services

Included is specific training for Sex Crimes Units so that genuine victims may receive justice.  

58 comments:

Linda Lazo said...

Wow, she really owned her abuser in this one.

Linda Lazo said...

Her "greatest crime" was not optimism. It was consistently poor judgement.

Linda Lazo said...

Wow, she really owned her abuser in this one.

Peter Hyatt said...

she "owned" him in many ways!

Peter

Hey Jude said...

'He would look at my social media profiles and rebuke me for my commentary.'

'Luckily, his efforts at censorship were stymied by his inability to understand my written text in English.'


He couldn't rebuke her for her commentary if he was unable to read it.

---
'When we got there, we proceeded to walk around and enjoy the land.'

'I told him that I did not want to take cocaine, and did not feel safe with his friends.'

She would not have enjoyed the walk if she did not feel safe with his friends.



Anonymous said...


Peter - Here is what I find interesting...

The first two weeks were quite the love story... (repeated x2) Then came our first fight. (repeated x2)

"I observed that he was drinking heavily, and called him an “alky,” but it was just a joke at first" feels very disconnected tot he love story happening in the sentences immediately before and after.


I have NEVER heard of a rape or DV victim speak so highly of their abuser's protection and helpfulness...
"He may have been awful, but I felt safer knowing that this abusive man at least had my back and would not let me disappear into a Turkish jail." -and- "I thought I could use his help"

It certainly seems like she had a choice.
"I told him that I was leaving and began walking..." -yet- "I had no choice but to go with him."

Awkward and nonsensical:
"I felt that the situation was hopeless." -but- "again I was too proud to reach out"

I tried to comply with his irrational wishes to avoid making a public scene. – isn’t that what radical activists do best? Especially when being threatened, in such cases where they are arrested for "fighting back" ??

-KC

Anonymous said...

He was probably tired of her drunken loud mouth but they had passionate sex after fiery arguments. What's the old joke?...Crazy (radical) women = awesome sex. His 'irrational' wishes for her to STFU? She should be thankful that he did look out for her at times when her loud mouth put her in danger.

Anonymous said...

She "tricked" him into giving her device back so that means she thinks she is superior to him? Ridiculous within the context. That is like saying if a bank teller "tricks" a robber to, let's say, reach down to her phone and call police, that that means the bank teller thinks she is superior to the robber.



She didn't want to report a rape in a Muslim country cause she thought she wouldn't be believed? What crazy rationale!

@1:51, Maybe she got tired of being with a Neanderthal if that is how he thinks is how you describe. She needs to find a man with a set of balls if this Turkish guy's gonna beat her up cause he can't stand hearing her talk.

Crazy sexist BS going on.

Yeah I bet she had him handcuffed too to her Disney World memorabilia and walked him around on a leash? How did she do that? Don't ask. She has magic powers. Women can't be dominated and abused in a relationship and let's say they are all liars, yet man can be even thought they're much physically stronger. Nothing illogical about that kind of thinking.

Anonymous said...

@1:51, Women actually don't get turned on by abuse, and if what you theorize is actually true, how does it make sense the male partner got so turned on by her "loud mouth" but then gets so tired of it he needs to throw fits. It doesn't make any sense. It sounds like the guy is just a jerk.

Anonymous said...

This is the scariest thing I have read. This person is a nightmare that will manifest itself on many more before it's' done.

The prevalence of this type of person will increase as more and more people are raised in daycare (especially government run) and single mothers.

Anonymous said...

The best thing for women to do is not get involved in relationships with men. All it does is wear you down as a human being on every level and then 20 years go by and you're like wow, I wasted all my time with guys and I never knew love! Wow, now I'm worn down in every way and for what? And the one thing you can look back on and say, I think I may have known love with that one person, it wasn't even a romantic relationship, it was a friendship, but even that was a waste that left you with nothing but confusion along with the deep pain of a lie that can never be disproven. A lie that still eats away at you on the inside after years and years and years and it seems to eat away at the other person too, but it matters not. To think I should know the truth, I should be able to look squarely at this and figure it out, but I can't quite hold it steady to look at it, to know my mind perhaps is deteriorating, perhaps my heart, perhaps my very soul.

Anonymous said...

OT

he leaker revealed that Macron's assets were not located in the Bahamas as was been reported by some media outlets, but in the Cayman Islands, another known hotspot for tax evasion. They further stated that they were taking measures to conceal their identity because they are located in the European Union and did not wish to be arrested. The leaker also explained that they were one of a small group of individuals working online with a source in the Cayman Islands to expose the leaked information. They claimed that they were in possession of SWIFTNet logs dating back for several months, and would soon not only know where Mr. Macron's alleged accounts are located but also the "extent of the money he is hiding from [France's] government."

Macron has strenuously denied the authenticity of the leaks, telling France Inter radio “I have never had accounts in any tax havens whatsoever, firstly because it is not in my nature and secondly because I have always wanted to return to the public domain.” His team has further alleged that the news was being disseminated by an “obviously Russian” network, without providing any proof of this contention. French prosecutors described the leak as “a suspected attempt to tar presidential candidate Emmanuel Macron” and have opened a probe into the origin of the leaks after Mr. Macron filed a complaint.

Pretty sh!tty denial but par for the course in the life of a politician.

Anonymous said...

There is no love on this earth, only fulfillment of ego needs, so what is the point? "Love" is are you handsome/beautiful, can you increase my social standing, can we have two shiny cars, can you make me a stronger version of me? It's all worthless, and who cares? With men it is can you be that dream cardboard cut out woman, with no needs or feelings, can you not challenge my ego needs, can you make my ego grow larger, can you be subservient? Real love is much different and disables the ego needs and ego structure. How many people have done that? How many people spend every second of their life digging their talons deeper into the things their ego clings to, beliefs, material possession, I am good/handsome/beautiful/I am this/that, this is who "I" am. Real love comes in and doesnt care one little bit for those things and poof that persons ego will be asked to disable itself. Love does not exist on this earth so why bother no point all stupid to put stupid effort we all want to have a good ego. Who wants love do you want to give up your whole ego? Does anyone enjoying that? No. How can you identify love how can one say I love that person for all you know it could be an illusion of the mind and probably is. You can't ever be sure, your mind could produce a feeling just bc it felt like doing it and you might think it's love who knows it could be pure illusion.

Foolsfeedonfolly said...

Just a few thoughts...

"After I came home to the US, we talked every day."
"He offered a ready smile, engaging kindness, and intelligent conversation. He said all the right things..."- In what language? Does he speak English? Does she speak Turkish? If yes, why did she need him to act as interpreter?

"Then there were his attempts to control my social media content, especially as pertains to the political situation in Turkey. He would look at my social media profiles and rebuke me for my commentary.- How could he look at her political commentary and rebuke her for it if he could not read English well (as she asserts), unless her commentary was in Turkish or Arabic? If her commentary was in Turkish or Arabic, why would she need him to act as interpreter?

"At first, I genuinely questioned my perspective, and wondered if I should take his words into account."-She never says he speaks English, nor does she affirm or deny that she speaks Turkish or Arabic.

"After all, he is Turkish and I am not. But I soon realized that I did not share his opinions on Turkey’s domestic or foreign policy. I stood my ground on my right to free speech. Luckily, his efforts at censorship were stymied by his inability to understand my written text in English.- Yet she asserts earlier that he would look at and rebuke her for her political commentary. One would need to read written English pretty well to read political commentary regarding a foreign government well enough to disagree with the opinions expressed and rebuke the writer, if that commentary was in English.

Speaking: For someone promoting awareness of "Intimate Partner Violence" and alleging rape, she spends an inordinate amount of time and words talking about talking; she's hyper focused on speaking, arguing, verbal communication, written communication & social media, recounting verbal interactions, on others speaking, etc.
Politics: 10 direct references
Activism: 23 direct, numerous indirect, repeated use of statistics attempting to bolster her account

Anonymous said...

He never cared when I mouthed off to him, or mocked him
Or insulted him
I made fun of his interests, job position, wealth,
I said I bet you've never read a book in your life, have you

In the end I even
Said
What a piece of shit car
But that time I was angry
I wanted that to hurt him
But I don't think it did.

John mcgowan said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Hey Jude said...

Some thoughts:

I put her blogpost into a word counter - did not include photo captions, and got:


Total words: 3950

Intro - 1035
Event -17? - or 3? - or none, as no event specific event is described?
After event -2898



----

'In the following weeks, I was violently pushed, blocked from leaving freely, and repeatedly told not to speak. If I spoke anyway, anger erupted. I endured threats that I would be burnt with cigarettes, flinching as he “faked” with his lit cigarette. I had to duck to avoid having sharp objects thrown at my face. I had water angrily poured over my head.'

She does not say that he did those things to her, except that he "faked" with is lit cigarette.
She was 'violently' pushed - any push is violent, except if pushed out of danger. Blocked from leaving 'freely' - what does that mean - she was not blocked from leaving, she was somehow blocked from leaving 'freely'? She had water 'angrily' poured over her head.

Why does she not say 'he pushed, blocked, threw, and poured? Is it that if she avoids saying 'he', and uses only 'I' - that she is only there as a victim. she does not say what she did - earlier she said they had a first 'fight', which is violent language, suggesting more than an argument.

---

'I guess he couldn’t accept that his maleness did not equal permission to be right every single time.'

He was right most times.

'At first, I genuinely questioned my perspective, and wondered if I should take his words into account. After all, he is Turkish and I am not.'

She was disrespectful not to even 'take into account' his words, whilst plying her own narrative.

----



'Although I was already aware that I had to get away from him, he had talked me into allowing him to accompany me on a college tour and other activities in Istanbul, and arranged for us to stay in his friend’s apartment.'

He was her transport and accommodation provider.
She knew she could go to the US Consul or Embassy for assistance, yet chose not to.

Continued...

Hey Jude said...

'What a mistake I’d made to allow this abuser to come with me to another city.'

She turns it round again, she 'allowed' him, her transport and accommodation provider, to tag along.

----

I noticed he carried her bags and luggage for her quite a bit. Retrospectively, she thought to complain about that, like a real feminist should?

She embarrassed him, causing him to wish for them to leave the campus - she refused, he tried to make her leave, after which they were escorted out by security. She uses 'we' there - she is not unhappy to be with him.

'After a particularly horrible evening of arguments and him violently throwing things, I had managed to successfully collect my luggage, saying I would walk to a hotel. He said he would drive me there.'

He tossed her things at her, as she packed, to speed up the process. He drove her to the hotel - he did not want her to come to harm.

'He may have been awful, but I felt safer knowing that this abusive man at least had my back and would not let me disappear into a Turkish jail.'

She says herself, he had her back.

'I had stayed with him for more than two months.'

Yes, not against her will.

He was a secular Muslim, an advocate of women's rights; he had wanted to guide her as a visitor to his country. She was armed with a foreigner's view, which he found ill-informed, and disrespectful. She was abusive towards him.

It sounds like she drove him crazy by not listening, and by trying to impose her views upon the people she met. Perhaps she expected to find Saudi Arabia in Turkey, and was confused when it did not turn out. I think she is determined to fit her host - or boyfriend - retrospectively, into her idea of what a Muslim man must be like.

He demonstrates he is a secular Muslim, he drinks alcohol, he does cocaine. He demonstrates she is safe with a group of his friends, who also drink and do cocaine - they will not rape her. She does not say they were all male friends - it might have been a mixed group. She suggests they are male friends by saying drug use by men is not shunned in Turkey. Suggesting drug use by women is? I think there may have also been women or girls in the group which further upset her narrative. Rather than admit her' views' might be wrong on how it all is or must be, she went away from the group. Also there, she suggests vulnerability - they drove 'far from the area of Antalya that I was familiar with, with several of his friends' - she would not have gone along, drinking whiskey on the way, if she had not felt safe with his friends. Were they all male? I doubt any woman would go with a group of people with whom she did not feel safe. She uses 'we' - she does not try to distance herself verbally.

---

He did not want her to interview someone 'he did not like' - probably he did not want to be embarrassed by her conducting the type of interview he knew it would be, so declined to arrange it. I think she was a nightmare, and he did some of the things she describes to protect her, as she was making herself vulnerable, some things to disprove her 'views', some to protect himself and his own activism from being discredited by her - she was pushing a narrative of which she was not open to discussion, or even taking into account his views, and with which he was reluctant to be associated - he tried to divert her activism towards leisure, introduce her to his friends for a view of what they actually were like, but she was not having it.

John mcgowan said...

When i read "Rape Allegation" my first thoughts were follow her pronouns ("We") and look for the word "left", and low and behold, there they were.

It is staggering that she used 3950 words and nowhere does she say "i was raped".

John mcgowan said...

OT:

WHO SHOT EVELYN BUNTE? BOYFRIEND SPEAKS OUT IN CRIME WATCH DAILY EXCLUSIVE

https://crimewatchdaily.com/2017/04/21/who-shot-evelyn-bunte-boyfriend-speaks-out-in-crime-watch-daily-exclusive/

Hey Jude said...

She used, abused, and falsely accused him.

Sort of - she intended her readers to believe he raped her.

---

Conclusion
Self-justifying cr*p

---

I doubt that is a recognised conclusion in SA. :)

---

I have not looked for 'left', or closely at the pronouns, those were the ones which most advertised themselves

Anonymous said...

OT:

WHO SHOT EVELYN BUNTE? BOYFRIEND SPEAKS OUT IN CRIME WATCH DAILY EXCLUSIVE

https://crimewatchdaily.com/2017/04/21/who-shot-evelyn-bunte-boyfriend-speaks-out-in-crime-watch-daily-exclusive/


The boyfriend. Evelyn knows it. Her quotes shows passivity and she doesn't believe her own words.

Anonymous said...

She hasn't been able to do any writing in months because she has a creative block? Well, that doesn't seem be an issue any longer.

Matt Whan said...

Hi Peter,

As always great article. I was wondering if I could get your help with something. My friend shared this on Facebook and, after watching the video, my instincts are telling me something is fishy.

http://montrealgazette.com/news/local-news/witnesses-say-laval-police-shot-dog-for-no-reason-we-have-a-right-to-know-what-happened

Hey Jude said...

'One-third of men surveyed in Turkey in 2013 stated that it is “occasionally necessary” to commit acts of violence against women, and 28 percent stated that violence could be used to “discipline women.” I did not want to believe that I was in this statistic. I had dreams of him strangling me to death. I was in constant fear of his next angry episode. I had lost respect for him, even as he angrily demanded respect from me in a variety of situations.'

---

She speaks of statistics, rather than of her host. She says in the negative (sensitive) that she did not want to believe she was in this statistic. She wants the reader to interpret that as he amongst those who find violence towards women acceptable and herself as a victim. Next, she had dreams of him strangling her to death. Dreams, not nightmares. She does not say it was a disturbing, frightening or horrible dream - just a dream, which without adjective is normally used of a pleasant dream, or sometimes something dreamed of, as in hopes and dreams. She did not provoke him to her satisfaction -she would have liked to be able to write that he had tried to strangle her?

An angry 'episode' is not the same as an attack, or assault, it is a period of time in which he was angry.

She had lost respect for him - she didn't have any respect for him to begin with.


----

On Twitter she is claiming to have been doxxed. :)



Hey Jude said...

'The first two weeks were quite the love story. I observed that he was drinking heavily....'
Sounds idyllic.

'All seemed to be going well, and I felt that the romance was solidly moving forward.'
Solidly. Rather than giddy, head over heels, carefree - solidly, like an agenda.

'No man has the power to silence a woman, just because he is a man.'
He did not say the reason she should not speak to the woman was because he was a man.

'He had such a strange look about him that I feared for my safety when I got into the car with him to go home.'
Yet she got into the car with him to go 'home'.

'Unwanted sex? Rape? All the time. He did not stop to determine whether I consented to sex. Several times, he turned off my wifi....'

Sounds traumatising - no wi-if.

'I honestly think that one of the reasons that I have been silent about this for two months has been that I did not want to feed into the narrative of Muslim men being aggressive. I didn’t want to fuel hatred or racism. But silence breeds complicity, and am now telling this story in order to heal.'

Honestly, she didn't want to feed into the narrative, or fuel hatred or racism - she wants to heal.

'Two days later, however, I was jailed by Turkish police for several hours when I tried to simply enter a large public speech in Antalya by the president of Turkey.'

That's all she was simply trying to do? Away from him, she lands herself in jail.

'After a harrowing ordeal, I was released that afternoon, and I decided to call my abuser to alert him that all of this had happened. I had given the Turkish authorities all of my information, including my passport information and the address of my hotel, and was fearful that the authorities would show up again to arrest me. Stroking his ego that he was my protector, he came to my side. He may have been awful, but I felt safer knowing that this abusive man at least had my back and would not let me disappear into a Turkish jail.'

He sounds quite patient, given everything.

'A few thrown objects and another bad argument later, he again apologized.'
Was it she who threw things at him until he apologised?

'That was one of the strangest nights of my life. But I survived. I made it out. I had stayed with him for more than two months.'
I think it was a quiet night.


'I was riding an aggressive surf, and it was calm between the crashing waves.'
Her surf, her waves.

'Telling this story helps. Writing things down is a form of releasing them, giving them little wings. I survived. I feel stronger now. I feel wiser now.'
Giving the story little wings -as in fairytales? She probably should not trust her feelings very much.

'*Note that I tried to post this article on a blog for Personal Domestic Violence Stories, but the story was not accepted, perhaps because of political content.'
The story was not accepted - the blog probably only accepts factual content and it didn't meet the standard.

---
I still haven't found 'left' - several leaves and leaving but without leaving. The last she says about that is 'But I survived. I made it out. I had stayed with him for more than two months.'
I wouldn't be surprised if he drove her to the airport, too.

'In the end, though I had been dependent upon my abuser in Turkey, I had the privilege of getting on an airplane and leaving. At the end of all of this, I was able to cross the Atlantic Ocean and get away from him forever.'
She doesn't say she had to borrow the airfare from family, or explain how she was able to buy the ticket. She maybe really had the privilege of getting on an airplane and leaving anytime - or maybe, in the end, her host gave her the airfare so she would leave?

Did she not want to leave - she repeats so many times she wanted to leave, is that a need to persuade?

Anonymous said...

Her idea of successful journalism and activism includes: mockery, baiting, endangering the lives of not only herself but that of others, and drug/alcohol use (though none of her own but her proximity to it).

She can't write because no one believed her account of abuse. What will they NOT believe next?

Or, maybe she could care less about domestic abuse but only wishes to be the face of it

Anonymous said...

This is analyzed in such a biased way. For example the fact that she says she was scared to drive with him bc he was angry means suspicious placement of emotion (?!)
When that is such a brief mention of emotion and it is appropriate placement of emotion that is not normally criticized on things being analyzed here.
I don't think the writer is lying about being abused, and the specific things she states that he did have not been linguitically debunked.
I personally find the writers personality to be a little annoying but I don't think she's lying, and some of the things she says the guy did like threatening to burn her with cigarettes shows that he is very dangerous.
The fact that she says she had a dream of him strangling her is stated reliably and Hey Jude maybe you should read up on trauma...it's actually expected she would dream of a scenario like that bc of the things he was doing to her.
The things she stated he did to her are stated reliably, so where is the basis for "she's lying"?
Noone needs to like the writers personality or to believe what she is saying.
Take the specific instances of abuse and debunk them if she is lying. Noone here can do that bc they are stated reliably (ie cigarette threats, throwing phone, etc.
Also regarding dream vs nightmare, I know Ive had bad dreams, but I don't always call them nightmares if Im telling someone about them...I think when someone has a nightmare with someone they know and are close to they dont always call it a nightmare...for one thing, the word has very negative connotations but also I feel like it has connotations that the dream was just an illogical, crazy dream, like "oh dont worry, it was just a "bad dream". Adults do not always use the word "nightmare" when describing a "bad dream".

Hey Jude said...

Anon - bad dream, scary dream, usually some type of description to a disturbing dream, even if not called a nightmare. I didn't say it isn't reliable - I think she did dream about it, as in her hopes and dreams, as it would have added more drama for the narrative. You say 'bad dream' yourself, when thinking of such by way of example.

I think the rest of your post is addressed to others.


Anonymous said...

I said "bad dream" as a clear descriptor to indicate I was referencing nightmare.
All I can say is Ive been having recurrent dreams for a long time that I have referred to on different occassions as "dreams, bad dreams, weird dreams, nightmares"...a lot of times I do avoid the word nightmare bc I feel like the word nightmare makes people not take what you are saying seriously, like "oh, it's just a bad dream", or they may think you are exaggerating like I just feel like when someone hears the word nightmare it implies the dream is about monsters or something, some adults do not wish to sound like a kid by saying "I had a nightmare"...

Anonymous said...

Also, regarding Hey Jude saying she "wished" she had the dream to heighten the drama. First of all, if the guy was threatening to burn her with lit cigarettes, that's plenty of drama, plenty scary. That's a very dangerous person that would do that. To say someone "wished they had a dream they are being strangled, it's so incredibly insulting to trauma victims.
Her claims of abuse are reliable, so where is the logic in saying her dreaming of being abused is fabricated.
This analysis of her piece is so biased.
She mentions emotion briefly "I was feeling scared to drive w him" and that is labelled fabrication when countless other analyses it is NOT labelled fabrication including one piece I can think of where the person was recounting a story and regularly inserting emotion including what he was NOT feeling.
Yes I agree lots of emotion which is not at the end is unreliable, but that's not what I see in this piece.

Hey Jude said...

anon said:

'Also, regarding Hey Jude saying she "wished" she had the dream to heighten the drama.'

I did not say that.

She said: 'I had dreams of him strangling me to death.'

If she was so scared I wonder how she slept at night.
If she wasn't scared, and was able to sleep, it's doubtful she would have had dreams he was strangling her.

He threatened her with a lit cigarette - some men find that amusing - to some it is a form of teasing. He didn't burn her. She appears not to have been too concerned as she stayed at his residence, or his friends' residences, for two months , and also called his place 'home'.


Anonymous said...

One other thing, a lot of accounts of domestic violence are very dramatic-sounding to the point where one could feel skeptical, like, what do you mean he threatened to burn you with a lit cigarette? What do you mean he threw you down a flight of stairs? What do you mean he blah blah blah? The fact of the matter is these stories are true. These men act in this overly dramatic, monstrous way because they were all fed the same message about women from society, TV, movies, songs, friends, religious institutions, etc etc.--that their girlfriend or wife would "look perfect all the time, act perfect all the time, have one interest: serving his needs, his ego, his desires and have no needs or desires of her own unless they coincide with his, she should make her thoughts irrelevant and not share them while remaining "in awe" of his brilliance, etc etc so if a guy believes this will be what a relationship is like, my God when reality dawns, they are enraged. This message about women is conveyed through every medium--movies, TV, songs, pornography, other people etc etc. Even take politics, look at Donald Trump and then look at Melania--it is just about how she looks, she doesn't say much, she is probably smarter than Donald Trump, but that's not how women are supposed to act--she is basically a decorative ornament to Donald Trump. Women cant be priests? Why? Because they are women. It doesn't matter that the men all ran off at the end and left Jesus while the only ones who remained were women, still, men are superior and should be the spiritual conduits in the Church. It's all such a pile of crap. And then conversely, women are brainwashed they "need" a man to be whole. Really? Why? So you can have some guy throwing shit at you telling you youre a piece of crap, or expect perfection regardless of how imperfect they are. I know women who are intelligent, beautiful, they've ALL been in relationships where the guy is insulting them, tearing them down, etc etc. Who needs it? And these guys NEVER change because they were all fed the message that they deserve the "perfect" woman, and men are taught their thoughts are SOOO much more important than women's thoughts. Unfortunately, I would rather have cancer than be in one of those types of relationships, because far from making you feel whole, it is like a malignancy of these men violently dramatizing their entitlement.

Anonymous said...

Oh OK, Jude, because she slept that means she couldn't have been scared and couldn't have had a bad dream about him.
Why don't you go tell that to vets who have PTSD and who say they have nightmares. Why don't you go say that to them "Well if you're not too scared to sleep, I don't believe you have bad dreams."

You say some men find threatening to burn someone with a lit cigarette amusing and consider it a form of teasing. Please tell me what is funny or light-hearted about threatening to burn someone with a cigarette. Yeah, maybe Ted Bundy found it funny, I'm sure.

Anonymous said...

Or go say that to someone who was a POW: "Oh really you slept while you were held captive, that must mean you weren't scared if you could sleep."
Such dishonest logic.

Anonymous said...

Very sad too how society brainwashes young girls that they should be princesses and the "prince" (yeah more like violent psychopath) will one day marry them and they will live happily ever after. This story serves as a reminder of what girls should actually be taught is to understand if they want to do something like politics or write about politics, just do it, don't even worry about finding a man, look what happened to this woman, it's just disgusting to me, I no longer care about finding that "true love" and it's funny women are worse than men with acting like women need a man to be whole. It's like no thank you, just the way I would not wish to have cancer, I do not wish to have some guy trying to tear me down, etc. I think once a woman realizes just how not superior men are she naturally loses interest in engaging with these abusive types, cause it's just like go think and do what you want, believe what you want....so sad, they have proven women's self-esteem drops dramatically once they begin dating...men are often malignant, and they do not change, because they have been brainwashed by every corner of society. If a guy ever comes along who is truly kind, I might give him a chance, other than that, I'm all set. I have no interest in hearing some guy pick me apart...these guys can have giant pot bellies and still they are going to pick apart if you have one hair out of place. It's like no thanks, I'd rather have a malignant disease, at least that can be treated.

Anonymous said...

This would be funny if I didn't thinks some commenters are serious.

That woman is a whackjob of the first order.

I doubt anything happened as the woman claimed. If it did why did she stay with him so long as she keeps praising herself for her intelligence and intuition and how she is always one upping him and fooling him. That is one sick person.

Narcissist much.

Anonymous said...

It's called traumatic bonding.

Reading this article and comments has solidified for me so much understanding, that most men are malignant (the majority, not all), compassion exists for vets but not domestic violence victims, no, the victim is blamed, the victim is, despite even being heinously abused, accused of being too sensitive (ie. "a lot of men find threatening to burn their partner to be amusing/teasing--if that's the case, Id rather stay single and not waste one precious ounce of energy on someone who finds threatening to burn someone light-hearted fun, like I said, a malignant disease would be less exhausting and pointless). I wonder would someone EVER tell a Vietnam Vet POW that if his captors had threatened to burn him with cigarettes that they were just teasing?! And that maybe they just found it amusing so he shouldnt be upset? Only in DV are acts of torture called "jokes" and the victim is being too serious. Lemme tell you I would rather never again be involved with a guy if that's the price I would pay is having him threaten to burn me with cigarettes. I might prefer to do something like slam my head into a wall for fun. It's so funny too--you hear/read abuse stories and so many are similar like these guys are all made from the same mold. Id rather have cancer than deal with a guy like that. At least with cancer it can often be treated. These abuser men there is nothing that changes them....society has told them since they were very young they will get a "perfect" woman who will just be doting on his every word, need, have no thoughts of her own unkess they are thiughts praising his thoughts, she'll be perfect/look perfect etc oh and when reality sets in, these guys go nuts. Who needs it!

Anonymous said...

Oh yes God forbid she tricked him to get her phone back, yet if someone tricked a robber into getting their phone back, they would be praised as clever and heroic. But of course if a woman gets HER POSSESSION back from her abuser, that means she thinks she is SUPERIOR to him cause she should have been a good girl and taken her punishment. You know what sounds more fun than being in that kind of relationship? Slamming my head into a wall or driving over my own foot with a car.

Anonymous said...

Jude said

He threatened her with a lit cigarette - some men find that amusing - to some it is a form of teasing. He didn't burn her"

Who are these men you know who find threatening to burn their partner amusing and a form of teasing? Who are they so I can avoid them at all costs? That is literally the most messed up thing Ive ever read. Then you say "he didnt burn her" like that makes it OK? The LAW says it's not OK! If someone threatens to burn someone with a cig or threatens to stab them with a knife but doesnt actually do it, they have still BROKEN THE LAW! Totally absurd to think anyone but a psycho would think it is amusing to threaten someone w a lit ciigarette or knife. WTF?!?!

Hey Jude said...

Okay, Anon, so you didn't have that adult cousin who thought it was fun to torment you with lit cigarettes when you were a kid. Some men like to do things like that - some will go beyond teasing and burn someone - he didn't burn her. She is an adult, she could have left if she felt unsafe, yet she did not go away.

She was not a Veteran or a POW who was suffering from PSTD as a result of combat and of seeing sights which cannot be unseen. She stayed with a man who provided her accommodation and transport, and she stayed for two months of her own free will. All the while she knew she go to the consulate or embassy if she needed help. She did not, rather she got him to drive her across the country for her work, arrange accommodation with his friend, drink, hang out, and have sex with him.


Hey Jude said...

The point is anon - she chose, as a feminist, to stay with a man she now claims was extremely abusive. At the time, she only 'hinted' at some arguments when she wrote home. She has outlined the arguments, which were that her 'views' as a foreigner, were not acceptable to her host, and she was not even willing to take his views into account. As a feminist, and an advocate for women's rights, she should have been out of the door within a day or two of the abuse she describes - but she stayed, and the only 'logical' explanation as to why she stayed and also slept with such an apparently abusive man, is that he 'raped' her - as it is not true, she does not actually say it, rather she poses it in the form of a question.

I did not say he was not at all abusive, rather I think she provoked him often, and that she was herself abusive towards him. It suited her to stay, as so many times, despite all the drama, she didn't quite get round to leaving - I'd guess she only left because he deposited her at the airport.



Anonymous said...

Hey Jude wrote

Okay, Anon, so you didn't have that adult cousin who thought it was fun to torment you with lit cigarettes when you were a kid. Some men like to do things like that - some will go beyond teasing and burn someone - he didn't burn her. She is an adult, she could have left if she felt unsafe, yet she did not go away."

OK, so you had an uncle who threatened to burn you with cigarettes when you were a kid, yet you don't feel that that is traumatic, you feel the uncle's amusement in being a sadist justifies the behavior (going on your above thread). That is so demented I don't even know how to respond.

Hey Jude wrote

"She was not a Veteran or a POW who was suffering from PSTD as a result of combat and of seeing sights which cannot be unseen."

That is so ignorant. I'm sure some DV victims are more screwed up than some veterans from being in daily combat/captivity situations with someone who is supposed to love them. Any POw or veteran with PTSD would have sympathy for a DV victim.

You say

"The point is anon - she chose, as a feminist, to stay with a man she now claims was extremely abusive"

Go tell that to Tina Turner. She's a pretty strong and powerful woman who was trapped in a brutal DV situation for 15 yrs.

You say

"I did not say he was not at all abusive, rather I think she provoked him often, and that she was herself abusive towards him."

How did she "provoke" him to threaten to burn her with lit cigarettes? Ive been rip roaring mad at many people in my life and never threatened to burn them with cigarettes?! In fact, most people have felt very angry at someone and live their whole lives without threatening to burn someone with a cigarette! You sound like and abusive man. What do you feel a woman could do to provoke someone into threatening to burn her with a cigarette? That is so disgusting, and you say you think she "provoked" him often, so not only are you fabricating things that are not in the text, you are saying that threatening to burn someone with a lit cig is justifiable if the person is "provoked". Scary. And disturbing. I won't be responding any further because this conversation is too disturbing to me.




Anonymous said...

Anonymous Anonymous said... May 7, 2017 at 10:00 PM


you make an assumption that the woman is being honest.

there are many commenters are saying that she is telling the truth because she is a woman.

the womans language is deceptive. it isn't man vs woman. she is deceptive.

Hey Jude said...

Fine by me, Anon, I suppose what I wrote might have sounded disturbing, at least to a snowflake.

Anonymous said...

I just read through the rest of it. Yeah she's lying about being raped. That's not reliable the way she worded it. Some of the sections describing abuse, however, do seem reliable.
I know someone like this person, who tries to form identities by becoming an activist, sometimes in different countries, and yes, they can fabricate weird shit or what I think they do is become so detached from reality as an "activist" that they do form a narrative that has many untrue details included and often a plotline that didn't happen. Like this person I know wrote a weird story about having an abortion and how much the clinic workers nurtured her and she had never had an abortion, and also, I think part of the story was she got pregnant through "almost" having sex with someone lol.
I think the writer is that kind of person, however, some of the abuse narrative does ring true. The part about rape is not stated reliably. I don't know why anyone would believe it. She wrote something like "Unwanted sex? All the time." No, that is not reliable.
The other thing is the person was only in the relationship for 2 months (not to downplay how bad that could be in only 2 months but most people are in them much longer than that--the story seems blown out of proportion somewhat), and it doesn't sound like they were ever in love, because she starts off saying it started off as a great love story...she observed he was heavily drinking"...that is not convincing since there are no positive details included.
Yes, the writer is a total flake, but some of the abuse details are common things experienced by victims, some of them are stated reliably. There is a lack of reliable detail about them even being lovers, it almost seems like maybe she was just staying with him and he was a jerk, but there is a poverty of detail concerning love/romance/relationship.

Hey Jude said...

PS - You're quite good at twisting what a person actually said into what you want them to have said - a bit like the author. That's maybe why you empathise with her.

Anonymous said...

Oh no, I didn't twist anything you said Hey Jude. Your implication was that what the uncle was doing should be taken humorously or that others should empathize with the uncle finding humor in it. I'm quite good at reading comprehension.

You intentionally state things in a convoluted way, Hey Jude, but it's easy to comprehend what you are suggesting.

Try talking to a moron if you want to attempt to play manipulative conversational games. Buh-bye.

Hey Jude said...

No, that is not good comprehension, Anon.

Anonymous said...

Oh, OK Hey Jude. Why don't you think for me? Could you please? NOT!!!!!!

I don't have time for this conversation. I'm adjusting to some medicine right now, and it's very taxing on me. I'm also dealing with a heart that has been shattered into a million pieces. So if you take that combo that's MORE than enough for me to deal with this!

Hey Jude said...

Anon, why do you even bother with him? - he sounds like a jerk.

Anonymous said...

My heart is demolished
I don't care if he lied
I don't care if he was engaged to an
Arranged marriage partner
The whole time he was calling, IM'ing,
Emailing, Flying here to see me....
Which I just found out
He definitely was

I guess that's why he said sadly "there is no point"
To us talking about if we loved each other
And how we felt about each other
In the end,
and shattered my heart into a million pieces
Because he was engaged to the most perfect woman in the whole
Entire world from his ethnic background, country of origin and religion....
The absolute perfect match and I am sure she is a zillion times
Better than me in every single way

I went the longest I had without communicating with him (2 yrs)
And thought I was over it
But talking to him
Again and
Knowing that he just went on facebook to have contact with me and defriended his wife the day I friended him
I am in so much pain, I have never felt this sad
Ever
Because talking to him,
The feelings are still there,
Only stronger, which makes no sense.

Why did he write the number for soulmate on the top
Of the 2nd email?
He could not have been sure I would know what that number
Meant, but I did.

I miss him so much
I should hate him
And I don't.

He doesn't deserve me,
And I don't even care.

My heart is crushed into a zillion pieces
I don't f&ckin know why I still care about him
But I do...

I can never hate him no matter how hard I try
He has demolished the rational side of my brain
Irreperably
I have no idea why
Or how
There was no sex involved
This seems to be something deeper and crueler and harder
To shake....

Right now if i could I would drink
These feelings away
But I can't
I don't have any alcohol
And I hate how alcohol makes me feel
I will just pray this confusion
Goes away after a night of terrible sleep.


Anonymous said...

It's just a trick
My brain is playing
On me

Yes I did think he loved me
Yes I did think I loved him
That is impossible though
It is NOT POSSIBLE

IT IS COMPLETELY IMPOSSIBLE

I know it is
impossible

It is simply not possible.

Anonymous said...

Actually, I'm over him
Now that I think about it

He would have been lucky to have me
His wife is a materialistic greedy person
And she's also mean

Ya know what?
Good he's stuck with her
And his stupid game playing,
It's like whatever,
He craves contact with me,
But oh, his giant ego
How much it offends his giant ego
To miss someone so "inferior" to his race and religion.
Whatevah!!!

I was absolutely right when I told him
He was racist and classist and judgemental and unforgiving
And everything else I said
Way back when
I don't even remember
Anymore

He made his choice to be in an arranged marriage with
Someone who was his perfect match of ethnicity, country of origin and religion and socio-economic background
Because he's VAIN.
That is the truth of the matter, he thought that would
"look" best and "be" best for him in all ways
Socially, economically, day to day life, not having people
Look twice at him
From being in an interracial relationship.
That is fine, that is a choice he is entitled to make,
But he's lucky if I give him the time of day.

He didn't deserve me
And I don't even care
About him anymore.

There is no point.

I will admit we shared
Something pretty special
But I am sure I imagined that too.

He just thinks he is so special
Oh he would never have wanted anyone
Looking twice at him for looking "different"
By being in an interracial marriage
Or having interracial children.

I wouldn't have cared.

Have a nice life JERK
That's all I have to say to him.

Anonymous said...

He did always have a weakness
For me
I don't know why
Even my Dad said to me
About this guy always coming back to me
It is like a moth to a flame
But he did not want to be drawn to me
I don't get it.

All I can do is wish him well.
I will never understand any of this.


Anonymous said...

Writer is a drama queen and terrible writer, quite Amanda Knox-like. It´s quite clear she thought that romance with this guy would be useful to her while in Turkey; She lies to herself before anyone about why she actually went to Turkey and sounds like your average annoying entitled Americen girl (as seen by non Americans, sorry). However, people should stop defending her boyfriend/driver. The text is reliable on him threatening to burn her with cigarettes and pushing and shoving her, not so much on ´violently´throwing things (does she mean he threw them at her?^)rape. I think he pestered her for sex in return for helping her to get interviews etc. The arguments were about one or other of them not keeping up their end. How is she a feminist???

Anonymous said...

So men are retarded Neanderthals in your opinion 7:03?

Anonymous said...

This is brutal
If you go the longest you have
(2 years)
Without talking to someone
That should make it less emotional
When you do talk
Not more emotional
Literally to feel overtaken
With love
Why? WTF! Stupid bullsh&t!

Usually I feel composed
Going longer made it hurt worse to talk
Maybe because
It's like WTF the feelings are still
There but stronger.

Could not sleep or eat for 48 hours and
That will help me remember
NEVER to talk to him again
EVER!!!!!

This is so stupid
I remember
When we were young
I took so much delight in
Tormenting him
Now my heart is tied with brambles
And thorns.
And my mind cant win
And my soul aches
And for nothing
I must just go on
And leave this stupid bullshit
Useless sack of shit
Feelings
Hate them! And now I know why!
Im over this shit!!!!