He hasn’t been seen since.
The following is a public post by his mother from Facebook.
Our family wants to thank everyone who has been praying, searching, and sharing. Regardless what anyone thinks about us or our family, Harley Dilly is missing. We want to know he is safe, we want to know he is okay. We want to thank all the agencies involved, the community for their assistance. There are no words to describe the pain, confusion, hurt, and worry we feel. We love and miss him. Every hour that goes by we have to live with knowing he isn't here or found. We are the ones who are being judged by God and the country. We are doing what is necessary and will continue to, to make sure not to impede the investigation. Do you seriously think the police are not looking into everything and everyone? Some of the hateful things being said are so untrue. I have sat back and read every single post. If Harley is seeing this, do you really think he will trust anyone if they are bashing his family? Those who feel he was in a bad home why didn't you speak up? You let him down. I can assure you the police and all involved are looking into things. Stop the hate, bashing, and bullying. Join us tonight at 5pm and let's make a Cokeville Miracle. Light a candle and say a prayer...together we can bring him home safe...I have to believe this. Pray, share, and keep eyes open.
ANALYSIS:
Our family wants to thank everyone who has been praying, searching, and sharing.
Does not begin with “I" but with
“Our family” is unexpected for a message from the mother of a missing child. It’s impersonal as we expect the mother to speak primarily for herself and not for others. The context is important: she is writing a social media post. She is not before the press with her family.
But note further:
“Our family” is not “we.” It removes the personal message one more step. We cannot say that the mother “wants to thank everyone” nor that she is included in the crowd of people who “want to thank everyone”, but that it is her….no “our family” (not “my family) who “wants to thank everyone…”
Ingratiation Priority: Praying Searching Sharing Is the mother religious?
Does she believe praying is better then searching? Could she list this first to pray for success or guidance?
Regardless what anyone thinks about us or our family, Harley Dilly is missing.
Still no “I.”
Who is “us?” – No social introduction.
Poor relationship/perception?
Issues of privacy?
We don’t see the expected, “my son.”
Instead, this is an incomplete social introduction where it removes their relationship. According to the language, we cannot say Harley Dilly is her son. We are dealing with the verbalized perception of reality from the subject; not actual reality known to us.
We also see that her priority is “what anyone thinks about us or our family…”
She is more concerned about the public perception of “us” and “our family” than she is about missing Harley Dilly. This competing motive is not expected.
Separating “us” and “our family” strengthens the linguistic signal of the aforementioned point that the mother may not be included in “our family.”
We want to know he is safe, we want to know he is okay.
Still no “I” but she is at least including herself in the crowd now. Yet, from a mother who gave birth, we listen for the powerful instinct to engage the language.
. “…he is safe…he is okay.” Vs. “…IF he is safe…IF he is okay.” -
She doesn’t allow for the possibility that he is NOT safe or NOT okay.
We sometimes find that those who do allow for possible death:
a. may have been told so by police
b. may have guilty knowledge of such
c. may be worn down by time
d. may be pressed by the child's age and ability to survive (self protection, weather elements, etc)
Denial? –
Has she entertained any possibility that he may NOT be safe or okay?
Knowledge that he is safe and okay?
Did he run away from home?
We want to thank all the agencies involved, the community for their assistance.
Still no “I.” Still less than personal from a mother. It is unexpected for a mother to thank police for not finding their child under context.
If evidence has emerged and the mother has processed it, it may wear down the natural resistance or denial.
There are other reasons why a biological parent may thank searchers for not finding their child.
There are no words to describe the pain, confusion, hurt, and worry we feel.
Priority: Pain Confusion Hurt Worry “Worry” is last in her priority.
What about what Harley is going through? His vulnerability?
Below “confusion” even.
We love and miss him. Still no “I.” Still impersonal.
Every hour that goes by we have to live with knowing he isn't here or found.
Time is important Still no “I.” Still Impersonal. “knowing he isn’t here or found” vs. “not knowing where he is or if he’s okay” –
Again we see that concern for his safety is not her top priority.
Further, she doesn’t tell us she doesn’t know where he is. “Found” is passive. Who is she speaking of as carrying out the activity of “found?” We can’t say it is her or her family.
Whose job is it to “find” Harley according to Heather Dilley?
Let's follow the subject's linguistic disposition and priority:
We are the ones who are being judged by God and the country.
The mother seems to be comparing “we” with the public and is being defensive. Consider in context of “Regardless what anyone thinks about us.”
Has the mother been accused of having something to do with Harley Dilley’s disappearance?
Has she created a home environment for him that is not nurturing and protective?
Divinity She acknowledges that she and others (presumably other family members) are being judged by God, Who is all knowing.
This is a very strong signal of potential neglect and/or abuse in the household given the context.
Some will feel judged by God for not watching a very young child carefully enough----it is a signal of guilt, though it may not be criminal guilt.
Some parents assign themselves guilt or responsibility where it does not belong. This includes speculation---"if only I had not gone to work today..." etc.
To be judged by the community is to be judged by those who may have the wrong information, but to be judged by God is to be judged justly and for just reason.
Now consider:
Why the need to publicly state the following:
We are doing what is necessary and will continue to, to make sure not to impede the investigation...”
Is there more that they could be doing, but is considered “unnecessary?”
Why is she not doing “everything” she “can?” “…and will continue to…” Sensitivity noted over “why” they will continue to do what is necessary.
Is this due to accusations by the public?
If the searching continues, compared to a missing son, why would it matter?
“…to make sure not to impede the investigation.” –
The mother is indicating that the possibility of impeding the investigation is on her mind. It should be unnecessary information.
Has she been accused of impeding the investigation?
Has she been less than helpful?
Has she withheld personal information about the household and its relationship to Harley from investigators?
If not, then why did this come out in her language?
Do you seriously think the police are not looking into everything and everyone?
The mother is directing her statement towards a specific audience in the form of a rhetorical question.
Critics?
Priortyof what the police are looking into: Everything Everyone Scenarios appear to have priority over “suspects.”
This may appear to support that she doesn’t believe he was taken or harmed.
Some of the hateful things being said are so untrue.
"hurtful" to whom? Harley?
Remember: Harley is the victim.
“Some of…” not all of. “hateful” qualifies “things.”
Are there other “things” that are not “so untrue.”
The mother is indicating that “some of the (other) hateful things being said” then ARE true as well as other NON-hatful things being said ARE true. “so untrue” is Need To Persuade.
I have sat back and read every single post.
The pronoun “I” making it personal and raising the reliability of her writing has now entered the language.
The mother of a missing boy is now, finally, speaking for herself.
Question: What brought out this sudden psychological entrance into the statement?
Answer: The mother 's sense of emotional injury from social media's opinion.
“sat back” is unnecessary.
It suggests a level of comfort/relaxation/passivity, while as body posture; it is also an indication of tension.
This is somewhat of a declaration of tension where she wishes to appear relaxed, but it very much bothered by peoples' opinions far more, in this statement, than Harley's disappearance.
“Sitting back” is something we often do when we tend to stay out of what’s occurring in front of us, which we intend to watch as it unfolds.
Her language indicates a level of spectating that one should not expect from the mother of a missing child as it relates to finding him.
If Harley is seeing this, do you really think he will trust anyone if they are bashing his family?
Allows for the possibility that Harley is seeing the posts and the possibility that he is not. “trust” is an issue. “his family” indicates that she is not considering that he will be more protective of her as his mother, then of his “family” in general.
Is this because she sees “his family” as a priority over herself? Is this because she doesn’t feel his perception or personality will bring in to want to defend her as an individual?
Those who feel he was in a bad home why didn't you speak up?
Here is a very important part of her statement and insight into her thinking and likely home life.
It is a question (non rhetorical) in an open statement.
You let him down.
She does not deny "bad home" (abuse, neglect, exploitation, failure to protect?) but shows that she will shift the blame from self to the social media audience in general.
I
She isn’t denying he was in a “bad home.”
She is deflecting blame to those who “feel he was in a bad home” as being responsible because they didn’t say anything sooner.
Whatever happened to Harley is not her fault but the public's fault for not reporting her or her family.
This is the personality type to deflect blame and always claim to be a victim. She is under the crucible of a missing child and her concern is self; not the child.
She may be someone who does not takes personal responsibility for her own actions but blames others.
Next, consider that “…he was in a bad home…” – may be an embedded admission.
I can assure you the police and all involved are looking into things.
She doesn’t tell the audience that she is playing a personal role in finding Harley. This continues the theme of “I have sat back…”
Neglect?
Stop the hate, bashing, and bullying. Join us tonight at 5pm and let's make a Cokeville Miracle. Impersonal again.
The "hate" is towards her and her family.
What about Harley?
Instead, the theme of self continues while her child is missing.
“Cokeville Miracle” appears to be a reference to a faith based movie.
Light a candle and say a prayer...together we can bring him home safe...I have to believe this. Pray, share, and keep eyes open. “…together we can bring him home safe…” –
She continues the theme of removing herself from personally being devoted to his return. She cannot do it herself, it will take cooperation from the community.
Analysis Conclusion:
Heather Dilley’s priority/purpose for this writing is to persuade her critics to stop criticism of her and her family.
She doesn’t make it about finding her son, Harley Dilley.
This is unexpected from the mother of a missing child due particularly to the fact that she doesn’t bring herself to say that the need to stop the criticism has anything to do with focusing energy on finding Harley.
The language shows that she is not taking personal responsibility of what happened but blames the public.
"we" from a mother of a missing child, writing, rather than speaking together with a family:
This over use is typical when someone wishes to water down personal responsibility.
They will do this with something negative which they see themselves as being responsible for by spreading the responsibility out among a many. It is also used when someone is attempting to share in a piece of undeserved positive responsibility from someone else by including themselves in with the one who truly deserves the recognition.
In this case, I suspect it is primarily the latter. We expect that the mother of a missing child, even when with family, including the child’s father, will take it to be so personal, that they will speak primarily for themselves (use of the pronoun “I”).
She does not do this.
We also see that she never refers to Harley Dilley as her “son.” This is also very unexpected from a mother of a missing child, as it indicates a strained or bad relationship with Harley.
The context is during a time of crisis for the child.
"my son, Harley" is not part of her language here.
She is linguistically indicating that she has psychologically removed the relationship between them.
Heather Dilley’s language indicates that she has knowledge or a belief that Harley may be safe which may cause us to consider that Harley may have departed from the home due to conflict with his mother and possibly others.
She is very quick, however, to deflect blame.
It is likely that Harley experienced this with his mother.
Mothers of missing children will, despite most odds, hold out hope that their child will return home.
They experience a type of natural denial as they can’t bring themselves to accept that they will not get their child back alive.
Heather Dilley does not violate this principal.
However, they will also have a natural worry for their safety.
They will publicly call out to them in a way that satisfies the same need to call out to a child that becomes lost in a park or a grocery store.
They will speak to concerns that continually haunt them about where their child is, who they are with, what they are feeling, IF they are hurt or IF they are safe.
We don’t see this in Dilley’s language.
She indicates the opposite, which is a low concern for his safety as well as the indication that she may have knowledge or a strong belief that he is safe.
She does indicate a strong concern for herself while her son is missing.
Her language indicates that she has a personality who refuses personal responsibility and deflects blame onto others.
She also indicates that his return home will not be facilitated by her or possibly even her family, but by the community as a whole. It seems as if she believes the community will also share in the responsibility of brining Harley home. This leads to the possibility of neglect by her as a parent and suggests the possibility of prior complaints of such with Children and Family Services or attempted interventions by family or friends (hence the blame shifting).
Heather Dilley doesn’t show any linguistic concerns that she has any knowledge that Harley Dilley has been harmed, but she may have some knowledge or idea as to why he is no longer in the home.
She shows no indication that she has any strong need and/or desire for him to come home to her personally, as his mother.
Heather Dilley appears to accept the notion that Harley was in a “bad home” despite the lack of personal responsibility she takes for that fact.
The lack of concern for Harley by his mother is startling.
The poor relationship is evident in her avoidance of natural connection to her son, as well as the priority of her emotions rather than Harley's safety and wellbeing.
Consider as a possibility that Heather Dilley doesn’t have the desire for Harley Dilley to return home and that she may even have information as to where he might be found, or who he may be with.
Could Harley have met up with dangerous individuals through the internet?
Did the household contribute to this possible scenario?
The subject likely has mental health issues that impacted Harley.
Substance abuse should be explored.
Mother is manipulative, which is often seen within substance abusers.
Substance abusers often see themselves as victims of family, friends, doctors, society at large, and even God. They sometimes articulate that there is a seeming conspiracy of life against them.
Mother does not give indication in this statement that Harley is dead or has met foul play.
There may have been an altercation just prior to Harley's departure.
Police reported:
"He has a very particular schedule. He eats certain foods and bathes sometimes four or five times a day. If he goes to a friend’s house he will go to the house and return to bathe before going to the friend’s house for the rest of the day. He stays around the house fairly often,”
This is often a need to control one's environment due to the chaos and out of control lifestyle under abuse.
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