Saturday, July 6, 2013

Sadness In Statement Analysis

Life is sad enough as can be, and those who begin the road of Statement Analysis inevitably confront issues of sadness that, once considered, have come through the lens of analysis, where deception was discerned, rather than accepting the pacification offered.

For some, it is easier not knowing.  There are some things I wish I did not know...I just wish I didn't know.

I wish I didn't ask.

Personal Life and Statement Analysis. 

Some of us are better than others in the ostrich mentality:  putting our heads in the sand, and not knowing the bad news.  This can be a defense mechanism that helps us survive in life, and Statement Analysis has a way of stripping away this oft-used defense.

I have several recent examples, some too sad to post, suffice it to say, as you are learning, carefully consider the following:

*caution, please, with friends and relatives...loved ones.  You do not want to lose any.  Don't over analyze.  Just don't.

*note every word after the denial of "no" as important.  Either accept the "no" and shut off your ears, listen carefully to the emphasis, noting the need for emphasis.  Now you are over analyzing and listening with scientific precision.

Are you sure you want to?

*When you are with your pediatrician, either listen carefully, or don't...Either hear what he or she says, or what is not said, or just follow basic directives.

*Don't ask questions that you do not want answers to.  This is a critical point for readership.  Go ahead, in the name of truth, and ask them.  You will.  Statement Analysis changes us.

There are times in life where I wish I did not know.  Solomon said that with much learning comes much sadness.

Have any of you had experiences in which you wished, even momentarily, that you did not "know"?


shmi said...

I am too curious. I always want to know.

Once, I had a friend who's husband was cheating (blatantly). I told her and it ended our friendship. I don't think she wanted to know.

Anonymous said...

I can't say that I have not wanted to know, not yet, but I have very much wanted it to be different.

Anne said...

I enjoy learning about SA;however, it has changed the way I feel about people at work, especially management. It is hard to see people the same way when you know they are deceptive and even worse, they are comfortable in their deceptiveness. Since I don't hide my expressions very well, this has caused me a bit of trouble. Sometimes it is hard to just let something go when you know a person is standing in front of you lying.
I especially have trouble dealing with people who "I don't remember saying that". If people don't value what they say enough to remember it the next day, why do they say it? When they remember always to their favor, why bother trying to discuss anything?
I am glad I started reading this blog, it helps me catch small things such as when management doesn't allow you to use certain pronouns to speak with them, or have vague answers, that a few years ago I would not have thought about.
The best thing I have learned from this site is an awareness, and the knowledge of how important it is to listen.
I am a baby on the learning scale of SA, but I like learn about it.

dadgum said...

In some cases, (I think quite often we all feel this)I already know, but don't to hear it from someone else. For instance, I know how ill a loved one is. That death may be imminent..but there is more pain when the words come from a trusted physician..

Vita said...

August it will be one year.

The summers at my house have always been the awaited for, by my fur kids. Can we go outside, my two fur sons, both cats to beg until I let them out. They raised over 1/2 their life as indoor cats.

They to understand? that Mom wants us to stay within the perimeter of the yard? my backyard is ample, almost too ample. They did understand. They both to learn that the backyard was their Kingdom, they to set their own rules as felines. Summer to come was theirs to know. I can lay on my back in the sun, for as long as I wish. I can walk the yard and sniff and eat the tall grasses. I can lay and watch the birds, squirrels and not bother them. I am in my domain, I live here.

Last years spring came with weathering heights. Mid April, a wind came through, 60+ miles per hour. The wind came through and simply put so did my 120 yr old Maple tree. 50plus feet of it, off the top, broken she was, laying on the ground, as she crashed and fell like a gentle giant. She I call her, she so tall, her leaves, her presence, she to be the keeper of our yard.

I recall my two fur sons, my little dog, us walking and viewing the damage. Not to see the damages of my house, only our tree. Timmy my eldest fur son, he a Russian Blue, to look at me with the saddest eyes, Why? He to know, he knew that this was one thing I could not fix. He was so wise. As he was my fur son since he was 5 wks old. He to be my partner in life for nearly 14 yrs.

May, June, July, many days of sun basking for Timmy. He so loved to lay on his back, arms over his head, catching a cool breeze. He had his favorite spots. He at times would get upset if I told him he had to come in. He was a big boy.

He was a big boy, that he became bigger. It happened in less than two days. My daughter to come over and say, MOM, why is Timmy so big?
I did not have a vet for him, local. I chose one blindly which is so hard to do, not knowing, to entrust just anyone. The Vet he was more than I could have expected. I still to this day believe he was sent to me, not that I found him. As Peter asks us, this was my moment.

He the Dr, gave Timmy an ultrasound and Xray, as his belly had increased in size. All I could think, say, I wish it was me, not him. The Dr., to show me the film, he to say, this doesn't look good, I cannot see his bones, nor organs. He to say, for me to know what the fluid is, I must withdraw a sample. I gave him my permission. He to send me out in the waiting area. I went outside, called my daughter in pure panic.

Back inside, the lobby I paced. Back in the exam room, the second door open for me to see part of the lab. The Dr. his back was all I could see. He turned around and walked towards me, he to have the test tube of fluid in his hand.

He raised it, he not to say a word, my eyes were spitting tears, I said, no, no, this cannot be. The tube filled darkened red, opaque. His entire body was filled with blood. Dr S, to me, I am so sorry. Every test that was done, nothing, no answers. All feline diseases, disorders, Cancer all ruled out. Dr. S to say to me, as he thought from onset,..

The only conclusion, which was not detected, yet was his gut reaction, the tests not to prove any reasons. Ms.Vita is that I believe someone poisoned him. I will stop there. He died in my arms at home, he and I quiet, our journey together to end without our permission.

Peter, Heather, Hyatt Children, I do not know what happened, my heart breaks for you. My intuition, it was unexpected, without his choice, without yours. As it was without Timmy's nor mine. Timmy was taken.

My felt, Clancy was taken. Sir Clancy you made a huge impact, and we readers never met you. He, his face, eyes shows it, he loved more than. They who Choose us, we do not chose them. They pick us, they enhance us, they are our unconditional love. They are our teachers for life. Vita

Mainah said...

Peter asked: "Have any of you had experiences in which you wished, even momentarily, that you did not "know"?"

Perhaps for a brief moment, what I'll call "the reveal" does make me sad and defeated, but overall, I'm glad to have a better understanding of the character of people through their own words and actions.

I'm practicing accepting it for what it is and moving on accordingly. Every deception in the world is not my battle to "win". Peter, your words of caution are valid, for sure.

About a year ago, I had been reading this blog about six months, the first time I recognized what I was doing was SA, I was standing with a group of people and I butted in to this conversation:

Man #1: Hey, Fred, you'd been proud of me yesterday.
Man #2: Why's that?
Man #1: Mary made chili for supper last night. Seven bowls!
Man #2: You ate seven bowls of chili last night?
Man #1: Seven.
Me: He didn't eat seven bowls of chili last night.
Man #1: Yes I did.(angry)
Man #2: He said he did. (confused)
Me: No he didn't.

The debate of words began. H continued to drop pronouns. He avoided saying: "I ate seven bowls of chili last night at supper" no matter the questions. He (immediately) got angry that I challenged him in front of his buddies. Liars do hate being called out and this one quickly gave me the "evil eye" when I questioned him further about the chili. That's another unmanly, bully-ish, clue of deception - that immediate threatening, warning, squinting stare, some call a "hairy eyeball" or "the evil eye".

When I suggested he may have had seven bowls over two days, or filled seven bowls but didn't finish one, he wanted to know how I "knew" (the ultimate confirmation).

At that time it seemed funny. Like a cute and fun "parlor game". I thought, wow, this works, but could be dangerous for the decern-er. Peter is right. BE CAREFUL who you "call out"!

Here's another example:
A few months ago I responded privately to a person on a community facebook group. The person said they were "in hospice care", low income, and needed help with home maintenance projects, etc.

I pictured an elderly woman with a drafty cold house, bedridden with no family nearby, dying of cancer. (My mom died a few years ago after an 18 month battle with brain cancer.)

I went to meet her to offer my help, or find help for her, and I discovered (quickly)through her words she is a scam/con artist playing with the sympathy and kindness of others. In the summer they seek vacation rentals for their "last" gathering as a family - now in their sixth year. She is not poor, bedridden, or even very elderly. She was diagnosed with COPD seven years ago and was "given 6 months to live if she didn't quit smoking"-- and she has not quit smoking "yet".

Our first visit was somber as she (attempted to) portray a sad and lonely, painful existence which did not fit the surroundings. My direct questions were avoided altogether and she grew tired and needed to rest after an hour. By our second visit, she knew I knew. She hasn't contacted me since, nor have I contacted her.

Anonymous said...

This is not a "Dress Rehearsal" - this is my life. I want to know - TRUTH. I love truth! It IS what it IS. I always LISTEN now for the truth, woven in among their lies, and have taught that to others. Before I just would not even LISTEN to them. Thank you for all you do and for just being "you"!!

Lemon said...


ME said...

Yes.i feel like a mind reader especially high profile"peess conferences"here in the uk ie" katie McCann"and Hobnob,s Johns,Lemons outputs.thank you all :0)

ME said...

Press conferences*

Pineapple said...

Is everything ok with your kids, peter?

Sus said...

I spent years with someone else telling me the "truth" as they thought I should know it.

I want to know.

I once thought the pain of knowing would kill me, but it was a rebirth.

Sus said... and your family are in my prayers.

dadgum said...

Yes, Peter and Heather. I pray all is well..
Our Father and His Comforter are with us always.

peter,,,y.m.i.o.t.r's said...

I know What you suspect.ONLY through reading your post.i wouldnt DREAM of posting it here or anywhere.good luck and i believe its WRONG.

Trigger said...

Many times I had hoped that I was wrong when I saw a pattern of faulty thinking, or behavior, or physical symptoms, in someone I cared about.

Knowing the predictable path of progression of certain types of thinking and behavior, or diseases, I used to hope that what I heard and saw, and what was taught to me, was wrong on my part.

Experience has taught me that even when I don't like the truth, it has a way of making me grateful for it.

No one can prepare for the loss of a loved one be it human or animal.

I am keeping you and your family in my prayers, Peter.

welcome back evil JOHN said...

As "WE"have gained a valuable insight into lie analysis,,,,,et hope this "Blog"vanished,,,,,or the "liars"will win.Y M I I T!!! SHES B*** CH****N+.IN YOUR OPINION.GROW UP!@PETER.

Anonymous said...

Trigger is TURD

Anonymous said...

Matthew 26:62-64
New International Version (NIV)
62 Then the high priest stood up and said to Jesus, “Are you not going to answer? What is this testimony that these men are bringing against you?” 63 But Jesus remained silent.
The high priest said to him, “I charge you under oath by the living God: Tell us if you are the Messiah, the Son of God.”
64 “You have said so,” Jesus replied. “But I say to all of you: From now on you will see the Son of Man sitting at the right hand of the Mighty One and coming on the clouds of heaven.”[a]

Nic said...

Yes. A few years ago my daughter befriended a little girl at school. She was invited for a playdate at her new friend's house. Long story short, in one short conversation I figured the family dynamic was crumbling. Every time the mom opened her mouth there was this "seepage". Most importantly, when she picked up my daughter she told me that she never let her daughter out of her sight and promised she would watch my kid like her own. (?) I spent the whole afternoon riding my bike around the neighbourhood my daughter was playing in. The girls ended up in a park at the corner of a busy intersection. By themselves. In a neighbourhood under going a lot of construction. They were 8 years old. That was the last time my daughter was allowed to go for a playdate there.

Anonymous said...

Please know that some doctors only practice defensive medicine (fear of malpractice lawsuits) which makes them kill flies with sledgehammers.

Some physicians have only seen poor outcomes and their opinions are wretchedly biased. Their opinion may be very incorrect related to their bias. The first neurologist that evaluated my daughter told me that she'd never ride a bike or read two syllable words. I've enjoy sending him a photo of her riding her bike, skateboarding, snowboarding, and skiing since she was three. She also reads at grade level.

Remember that God is in control and not the diagnosis or the doctor.

Anonymous said...

Peter posted a picture of his dog but in his example, he said "pediatrician", so why do you feel it pertains to his dog, Vita?

Anonymous said...

The danger is not that I would close the Bible and then run out and do the opposite. That’s possible, but not where most of us struggle. THE DANGER IS THAT I WOULD BE EXPOSED TO THE TRUTH AND SIMPLY DO NOTHING AT ALL. That is the most serious yet common threat to our pursuit of holiness. The reason it’s so unsafe is because to train ourselves to hear truth and do nothing means that we routinely dull our consciences and allow our hearts to harden without even realizing it. Then when the day of testing is upon us and we need the Word to do its work in our hearts, it doesn’t. We’ve told it not to so repeatedly, it’s just doing what we taught it to do. We’ve taken the proverbial smoke alarm off the ceiling and removed the batteries, but now that there’s a fire, we have no warning until it’s too late.

Or maybe it could be compared to tires on a car. For most of us, it’s not the big blow out that will leave us spiritually stranded on the side of the road; it’s the slow leak that goes unattended little by little that eventually puts us in the same place. Thus the book of James declares in James 1:19–27:

Anonymous said...

Hebrews 2:1, “For this reason we must pay much closer attention to what we have heard, so that we do not drift away from it.”

Trigger said...

Great analysis Nic!

You listened closely to what that mother said and determined that she was deceptive because of her leakage.

Then you followed up on your analysis and found your daughter without supervision at a park.


Anonymous said...

Since I haven't read anywhere in any of these articles or posts where Peter says his dog, Clancy, is dead; where are you getting this idea, Vita? I sure would like to know.

Can somebody explain? Did I miss something?

Nic said...

Trigger, my friend (who was the President of Parent Council for my kids' school) and I were talking about various kids in the school and I told her about it. She said she had her daughter out selling Girl Guide cookies one morning and knocked on their door. The mother answered the door drunk and wanted them to come in for a visit/impromptu play date. We're talking Gong Show.

The mom has been spoken to a couple of times.

Nic said...

I have another one.

My father-in-law had ankle replacement surgery two years ago this November. Everything started out well, but he ended up with a staff infection and required a lot of care and convalescence. It was nearly six months he was on a 24/hour IV antibiotic drip. It was probably the following October before the last little bit of the wound over the tendon closed. Long story short, my husband and I took care of him and his mom who is house bound and can't do a lot (agoraphobic and fragile). Both are in their 80's. My husband did all the erands and to'ing and fro'ing to apt's, bank/hospital for x-rays, etc., with my father-in-law and I did all the cooking and cleaning. In waltzes my sister-in-law from two time zones away (note the word I used: waltz. tension? Mayyyybe, LOL) In addition to my cooking there were two others dropping off dishes here and there. She made it a point to tell me how good everyone else's cooking was but that she "didn't bother to taste [yours]"/ mine.

She tasted it. :0)

I learned a long time ago to steer clear of the mother-in-law I never had when she's home. Much more "harmonious" that way.


mommaklee said...

I have a pathological liar in my family. At first I was annoyed by all of the over-exaggeration, until I realized just how much lying was going on. Some of the traits that got to me and are now red flags with others is, talking fast, adding extra unnecessary detail, avoiding direct answers, incomplete sentences, etc. Because this person is a close loved one, I don't analyze, I've stopped correcting erroneous statements, unless they pertain to me or my husband or children.

The Dr. Phil question, "Do you want to be right or do you want to be happy?" comes to mind. As regards my close family member who is a pathological liar, I just smile and nod and sometimes change the subject, because relationship is more important to me than knowing the "truth".

Regarding a different family member, we were planning a visit with them and I mentioned that our kids were so excited to visit them, they asked, "Aren't you excited to visit us?" I had omitted myself, not because I wasn't looking forward to the visit, but because I thought they'd be more interested in the kids than in me. Now I make sure to say "we" instead of just "the kids" to avoid offence.

Anon "I" said...

I guess it depends on the situation. Truth is the only measure by which we can react with full and complete knowledge. That gives us the ability to make changes, even if they are painful, which may minimize damage in the future. It can cost friends, relatives, and immense sadness, but it gives us a faithful plumb-line in which to make our own decisions regarding the matter/s. No one said it would be easy, just that we would never be given more than we can handle.

Anonymous said...

Are you going to give us any more background or hints or leave us to worry? I hope all is well, Peter.

Amaleen6 said...

When I was told that my husband died, the policeman was beating around the bush, saying, "There was a medical emergency at your house. . . ." I knew what he was leading up to, but part of me played along with it, saying, "Okay. . . ." My son then blurted out, "Dad's dead!"

I didn't want to know.

Anonymous said...

I caught my husband in a lie not too long ago and I went after it with SA like a dog with a bone. It wasn't an affair thank God. It was a financial misstep that he felt guilty about and tried to cover it with a lie. I've questioned everything he has said for the last 3 months because of that.