Monday, April 7, 2014

Article for Today's Parents

Sorry, I just couldn't resist.  No analysis needed.  I am going to check out the author's book. I am also going to mandate a break from the hockey madness I'm currently imprisoned with.

Your kid and my kid are not playing in the pros

Posted by  on Tue, Mar 25, 2014 at 4:00 AM

    I don't care if your eight year old can throw a baseball through six inches of plywood. He is not going to the pros. I don't care if your twelve-year-old scored seven touchdowns last week in Pop Warner. He is not going to the pros. I don't care if your sixteen -year-old made first team all-state in basketball. He is not playing in the pros. I don't care if your freshman in college is a varsity scratch golfer, averaging two under par. He isn't playing in the pros. Now tell me again how good he is. I'll lay you two to one odds right now - and I don't even know your kid, I have never even see them play - but I'll put up my pension that your kid is not playing in the pros. It is simply an odds thing. There are far too many variables working against your child. Injury, burnout, others who are better - these things are just a fraction of the barriers preventing your child from becoming "the one."

    So how do we balance being the supportive parent who spends three hours a day driving all over hell's half acre to allow our child to pursue his or her dream without becoming the supportive parent that drives all over hell's half acre to allow our child to pursue OUR dream? When does this pursuit of athletic stardom become something just shy of a gambling habit? From my experience in the ER I've developed some insight in how to identify the latter.

    1. When I inform you as a parent that your child has just ruptured their ACL ligament or Achilles tendon, if the next question out of your mouth is, "How long until he or she will be able to play?" you have a serious problem.

    2. If you child is knocked unconscious during a football game and can't remember your name let alone my name but you feel it is a "vital" piece of medical information to let me know that he is the starting linebacker and that the team will probably lose now because he was taken out of the game, you need to see a counselor.

    3. If I tell you that mononucleosis has caused the spleen to swell and that participation in a contact sport could cause a life threatening rupture and bleeding during the course of the illness and you then ask me, "If we just get some extra padding around the spleen, would it be OK to play?" someone needs to hit you upside the head with a two by four.

    4. If your child comes in with a blood alcohol level of .250 after wrecking your Lexus and you ask if I can hurry up and get them out of the ER before the police arrive so as not to run the risk of her getting kicked off the swim team, YOU need to be put in jail.

    I bet you think I'm kidding about the above patient and parent interactions. I wish I were, but I'm not. These are a fraction of the things I have heard when it comes to children and sports. Every ER doctor in America sees this. How did we get here? How did we go from spending our family times in parks and picnics, at movies and relatives houses to travel baseball and cheerleading competitions? When did we go from being supportive to being subtly abusive?

    Why are we spending our entire weekends schlepping from county to county, town to town, state to state to play in some bullshit regional, junior, mid-west, southeast, invitational, elite, prep, all- state, conference, blah, blah, blah tourney? We decorate our cars with washable paint, streamers, numbers and names. We roll in little carpool caravans trekking down the interstate honking and waiving at each other like Rev. Jim Jones followers in a Kool-Aide line. Greyhounds, Hawks, Panthers, Eagles, Bobcats, Screaming Devils, Scorching Gonads or whatever other mascot adorns their jerseys.

    Somewhere along the line we got distracted, and the practice field became the dinner table of the new millennium. Instead of huddling around a platter of baked chicken, mashed potatoes and fruit salad, we spend our evenings handing off our children like 4 x 200 batons. From baseball practice to cheerleading, from swimming lessons to personal training, we have become the "hour-long" generation of five to six, six to seven, and seven to eight, selling the souls of our family for lacrosse try-outs. But why do we do this?

    It's because, just like everyone else, we're afraid. We are afraid that Emma will make the cheerleading squad instead of Suzy and that Mitch will start at first base instead of my Dillon. But it doesn't stop there. You see, if Mitch starts instead of Dillon then Dillon will feel like a failure, and if Dillon feels like a failure then he will sulk and cower in his room, and he will lose his friends because all his friends are on the baseball team, too, and if he loses his friends then he will start dressing in Goth duds, pierce his testicles, start using drugs and begin listening to headbanging music with his door locked. Then, of course, it's just a matter of time until he's surfing the net for neo-Nazi memorabilia, visiting gun shows and then opening fire in the school cafeteria. That is why so many fathers who bring their injured sons to the ER are so afraid that they won't be able to practice this week, or that he may miss the game this weekend. Miss a game, you become a mass murderer - it's that simple.

    Suzy is a whole other story, though. You see, if she doesn't make the cheerleading squad she will lose a whole bunch of friends and not be as popular as she should (and she's REAL popular). If she loses some friends, she will be devastated - all the cool kids will talk about her behind her back, so then she'll sit in her room all day, eating Ding Dongs and cutting at her wrists. Then, of course, it is only a matter of time until she is chatting on the Internet with fifty-year-old men and meeting up with them at truck stops. And that is why every mother is so frightened when her daughters have mononucleosis or influenza. Miss cheerleading practice for a week, and your daughter is headed for a career in porn. It's that simple.

    We have become a frightened society that can literally jump from point A to point Z and ignore everything in between. We spend so much time worrying about who might get ahead - and if we're falling behind - that we have simply lost our common sense. Myself included.

    There was a time when sick or injured children were simply sick or injured children. They needed bed rest, fluid, antibiotics and a limitation on activity. They just needed to get better. They didn't NEED to get better.

    I know, I know. Your family is different. You do all these things because your kid loves to compete, he loves the travel basketball, she loves the swim team, it's her life, it's what defines him. Part of that is certainly true but a big part of that isn't. Tens of thousands of families thrive in this setting, but I'm telling you, from what I've seen as a clinician, tens of thousands don't. It is a hidden scourge in society today, taxing and stressing husbands, wives, parents and children. We're denying children the opportunity to explore literally thousands of facets of interests because of the fear of the need to "specialize" in something early, and that by not doing this your child will somehow be just an average kid. How do we learn to rejoice in the average and celebrate as a whole society the exceptional? I'm not sure, but I know that this whole preoccupation is unhealthy, it is dysfunctional and is as bad as alcoholism, tobacco abuse, or any other types of dependency.

    I would love to have a son that is a pro athlete. I'd get season tickets; all the other fathers would point at me and I might get a chance to meet Sandy Koufax. It isn't going to happen, though. But you know what I am certain will happen? I'll raise self-reliant kids, who will hang out with me when I'm older, remember my birthday, care for their mother, take me to lunch and the movies, buy me club level seats at Yankee Stadium on occasion, call me at least four times a week and let me in on all the good things in their life, and turn to me for some comfort and advice for all the bad things. I am convinced that those things just will not happen as much for parents of the "hour-long" generation. You can't create a sense of family only at spring and Christmas break. It just won't happen. Sure, the kids will probably grow up to be adequate adults. They'll reflect on how supportive you were by driving them to all their games and practices and workouts. They'll call the ER from a couple states away to see how mom's doing but in time you'll see that something will be missing, something that was sacrificed for a piano tutor, a pitching coach, a travel soccer tournament. It may take years, but in time, you'll see.


    GeekRad said...

    Very ammusing.

    Skeptical said...

    This article made me sad. Who is the parent that has the courage to say "enough"?

    Anonymous said...

    I get so tired of the negativity regarding youth sports. Never quit. Fight through adversity. Strive to be the best you can be. That's beneficial on the field, it's beneficial in school and it's beneficial in building a successful life. Sports aren't all bad. They instill some positive traits.

    Sure, some parents are over the top. But we all start pushing our kids in some way from the moment we put them on the floor to crawl.

    Anonymous said...

    I pulled my son out of travel hockey mid season. For two years we drove 160 miles round trip for two sometimes three practices each week. Weekends were spent driving that far and sometimes as far as Pittsburgh, Cleveland or Detroit. Making the decision to end the madness was the best choice I ever made for my family! Ever!

    Anonymous said...

    Anon at 2:42

    Your son is a quitter. Nice lesson there, teaching him to quit mid season. You finish what you start.

    I can tell from the tone of your post that you harbor bitterness and I suppose it is from all of the driving, time spent and gas wasted on a sport your son just wasn't very good at. But at least he'll have Mommy to call when he quits his job because the big kids at work pick on him.

    elf said...

    I see what the article is saying. I feel kind of guilty now for being a soft ball mom :/ I was like that with my oldest daughter, hoping her softball talent would translate into a scholarship to college. My daughter ended up tearing her rotator cuff pitching and her step mother and I both asked about when shed be able to get back on the
    I always learn something here Peter :) thanks.

    GeekRad said...

    Anon @ 2:42,
    I know parents and families who decided that enough was enough and opted for more meaningful family time than driving hundreds of miles for practices and games. Some decided to do so in order to spend more time with the whole family, some because their children's grades suffered amd one because their child was involved in too many activities. I haven't seen any of them fail in life and will be surprised if I do.

    Anonymous said...

    Which defines meaningful family time? Handing your kid a TV remote and a bag of popcorn? Or going outside and playing catch?

    GeekRad said...

    Going outside and playing in a tree house, fishing in the river, playing kick ball in the street, playing Twister with neighbors, walking the dog, teaching them to speak intelligently and respectfully, teaching them to be kind, teaching them that family, friends and education are important. Now that you bring it to my attention these are pretty awful parents........

    Anonymous said...

    Geekrad, I was just trying to suggest that it's easy to integrate sports into family time, especially when you have an ultra competitive kid that wants to play 24/7. Shoot, my youngest loves to tell stories about sports. We can talk forever. I cherish that. The most important thing to engage and be active in your child's interests. My $.02.

    GeekRad said...

    Your 0.02 cents is accepted anon at 4:40. For your family organized sports are important and meaningful. That is true for many kids and families. I was supporting anon at 2:42 for the choice their family made after the attack on that post. Enjoy your family's activities.

    Anonymous said...

    GeekRad said...
    Your 0.02 cents is accepted anon at 4:40. For your family organized sports are important and meaningful. That is true for many kids and families. I was supporting anon at 2:42 for the choice their family made after the attack on that post. Enjoy your family's activities.

    April 7, 2014 at 4:49 PM

    I get it Geekrad, but where does the poster say that they now spend quality time fishing in the river or playing Twister? Sounds more like sour grapes for no playing time. But that's just my .02.

    trustmeigetit said...


    Would love to see if anyone sees anything concerning in some of Oscars first words. I have not been able to find a full video but just snips. So it may not be enough. And we are not talking about the events yet so I think that's when we will see more possible words for true analysis.

    I’d like to apologize. And say that there is more moments, and there hasn’t been a moment since this tragedy happened that I haven’t thought about your family.

    I wake up every morning and you're the first people I think of, the first people I pray for. I can't mention the pain and the sorrow and the (unable to make out word) I caused you and your family and I was simply trying to protect Reeva.

    I can promise that when she went to bed that night she felt loved.

    I have tried to put my words on paper many many times to write to you but no words would ever suffice

    I can smell blood and wake up to being terrified and in a complete state of terror to the point they'd's rather not sleep.

    I never want to handle a firearm again or so -- I've got a security guard that is outside my front door at night.

    stark3923 said...

    College Applications - want to see leadership skills via sports

    Naval Academy- you can not even apply if you do not excel at a sport.

    College application are not simply be about family and great grades; one would never get accepted.

    CHANGE the pressure us parents feel on building our child's resume to get accepted into college. We started working in kindergarten on my sons resume.

    My son is an Eagle Scout, Athlete, employed, great grades, great resume, much volunteer hours, ...all to cultivate his resume to get accepted in a great college...he did earn a full scholarship.

    We completed part of the our goals. Much competition out there...and when you are white with blues eyes, you have to work much harder at building your resume to blow everyone else out of the running.....which is what we were forced to do....

    trustmeigetit said...

    Another OT

    Now we know the mother was not involved. But I would like Peters views on this. It’s the mother of Hailey Owens that was killed by the school employee.

    The mom talks a lot, she laughs several times! It is disturbing.

    But I am wondering… she looks like she may be a drug user, and it appears she is missing teeth which is often related.

    Maybe she is on drugs at the time?

    Otherwise this really is just off!

    Unknown said...

    I like the article. It's about focusing on sports to the extreme, and losing focus on everything else in life.

    My dad was a highschool football/baseball/wrestling coach for more than 30 yrs, and there are definitely some parents who value their child's success 'on the field', more than anything else.

    (My dad once had a player's father threaten to sue him, because he kicked his son off the football team for bad grades, despite school policy stating that ALL student athletes were required to maintain a C average to participate in sports.)

    Sports are great for character development, and teaching kids responsibility, and I don't think there's anything wrong with encouraging a talented kid to work hard, and apply themselves. But, whether it's sports, college prep, or anything else, it's important to remember that kids should be allowed to be kids. Participation in extra-curricular activities should augment their life...not consume it.

    Tania Cadogan said...

    I don't think she has a tooth in her mouth,I agree her statements and behavior are strange.
    I wonder if she is on any medication due to the inappropriate laughing ( how much is down to meds, drugs, nerves)

    elf said...

    I think Hailey Owens mom is completely wrecked. Most likely she's being medicated, If it was me I would have to be, whether it be by prescription or self medicating. I don't know how the mother's of the murdered get up every day... and making fun of her because she doesn't have her teeth? That's petty. That's low. My sister had crohns disease and had to have her teeth pulled in her late 20s.
    There's no doubt about who killed Hailey Owens. Picking on her mom is wrong.

    Mary said...

    @ Stark: I don't recall either of the colleges I attended being concerned if I excelled in the Big Wheel Gang or competative Tidly Winks while in elementry school. Test scores & continuing to bust out good grades after admission were all they concerned with. I didn't even get to brag of being ranked #1 in the Big Wheel Gang by the time I was in 2nd grade.

    John Mc Gowan said...


    Oscar Pistorious on the stand talking about the night of the murder.

    Live stream.

    Tania Cadogan said...

    I am not making fun of her due to her not having any teeth in her mouth, given her age it is unusual for there to be what seems no teeth.
    I would have to wonder why she is toothless as it could give an insight into the family history.
    Is it health problems, diet or something else which may be relevant.

    She did not commit the crime, it may however be relevant as to the family situation which led up to the crime and perhaps also her innapropriate laughter which could be down to medication, nerves, drink or drugs or something else.

    trustmeigetit said...

    I also was not making fun of the mom for not having teeth. What I was saying is it could be a sign of heavy drug use. Meth… Does not mean that is the case. Just that it could be. Drug use in homes almost always means neglect. The child was alone at the time on the street. I know many have no choice. But I don’t let my child walk anywhere alone.

    She even stated she never lets her walk alone and this was the ONLY time. I don’t believe that. It could be true, but something tells me that is not. She mentions it a few times that she always walked her everywhere. Sensitive clearly…… But is it because it really was the only time, or… did she normally let her do this. It just honestly reminded me of Hailey Dunns moms and how she tried to come across like a mom that was protective and didn’t let her child roam about alone. Which I again think is a lie as do I am sure most of us here.

    I just am trying to understand the reaction from her. It is not expected and it’s not because she killed her. I think it is interesting to look at reactions that are not expected yet are not due to guilt of a crime.

    I also have to wonder sometimes about parents who are drug users (I AM NOT SAYINS SHE IS, THIS IS A RANDOM THOUGHT) and are neglectful… they may not see their children as their world as most of us do, but rather as a burden. I have seen parents like this. Kids are a burden and not joy. Not all kill their kids, but the love is just not there.

    My husband’s mom is like that. She lost her first born a few years back. She never once cried and even 2 weeks later when people asked how she was she replied “oh, I’ve come to terms with it”. Like it was the loss of a job or something that you just got over.

    She has never been warm to her kids or her grandkids. In fact, my son really does not care for her.. My mom he is obsessed and begs to spend time with her. Runs to her when he sees her…. With my husband’s mom…. He could care less. He has never asked for her and when we do see her, he clearly has no connection to her at all. If she was gone tomorrow, it would not even phase him.

    So, I have to wonder…...some parents… is easy for them to simply move on because to them..... their kids are a burden and they don’t have that emotional connection.

    I also felt this way with Sarah Ridgeways mom. Like there was just not that connection with her child.

    That they can move on the way most do for a pet. Now I am not saying that pets are not important (some people on this blog are over sensitive) but just that most people do not have the deep love for their pets that they do for their kids. MOST. I know some do….. But…. Most it is very different than their kids. I love my dog, but he is not my son. There is no comparison. If we lost our dog, I would be sad but would go on. If I lost my son, I could not go on. There would be no reason for living in my mind.

    I just think it may help with SA when we look at statements or lack of statements. Is it guilt or do they just not care.

    Baxtie said...

    Transcriptions from Oscar Pistorius's trial:

    Baxtie said...

    More (and different) trial quotes here:

    Anonymous said...

    My first thought was that the author’s kid must not be very good at sports. However, I see a lot of truth in his essay. The vast majority of children will never make a living playing a professional sport. As parents, my wife and I would be foolish to cultivate such a thought in our sons’ heads. I played sports because I enjoyed being a part of the team, because I was moderately proficient at them, and because I knew they were expected, as Starke3923 mentioned, for my college application.

    I recently found this blog and enjoy reading it immensely. I find it refreshes my memory to SCAN principles and I appreciate Mr. Hyatt’s analysis. It has been about a year and a half since taking the course from Mr. Sapir and like all skills, they fade if not used all the time. I like the daily booster shots.


    Unknown said...

    Hi Baxtie,

    Thanks for posting the transcripts. I was about to post an article with some quotes, but I'm sure the transcript is better.

    I don't have time to read through right now, but a few things that stood out from the article I read... Pistorius' story has evolved in an attempt to explain the illogic parts of his story.

    For instance he now pre-explains why he didn't hear Reeva's lack of responses to his screams to call for help, due to 'ringing' in his ears.

    He stated that when he brought in the fans from the balcony, he used a pair of Reeva's jeans he found on the floor to cover the LED nightlight, making the room completely dark. (I was confused by this part of the account, because I assumed that he did this after the supposed intruders were in the house to give himself an advantage, but he actually claims that he did it immediately BEFORE he claims to have heard the window sliding open alerting him of a possible intruder, the 'moment everything changed' as he refers to it.) This attempts to pre-explain why he could not see that Reeva was no longer in the bed.

    He also now claims that Reeva was AWAKE, and spoke to him before he exited the bed to bring in the fans! He claims she asked him if he was having trouble sleeping, and he answered that he was, then got out of bed to retrieve the fans from the open balcony. He moved the fans while they were still on, (pre-explaining why he didn't hear Reeva get out of bed).

    This blows his whole story apart. If he just spoke to Reeva, and she was clearly not asleep when he left the bed, then WHY in the world would he assume that any noise he heard in the house was an intruder, rather than his AWAKE girlfriend that he just spoke to.

    His insists that he was terrified of a break-in, yet in his heightened sense of fear, his security system was disabled, a ladder was left under his bathroom window, and he was sleeping with his balcony doors wide open, with (apparently loud enough to drown out the sound of someone moving around near you) fans blowing!?!

    Unknown said...

    Here is the link to the article for reference.

    *It runs backwards, (it's live updates, so the bottom of the article is the earlier part of the day, and the top is the end of the day).

    trustmeigetit said...

    Pasting some of the transcripts... Ready to see everyone's analysis.

    "I got to the entrance of the bathroom, at the end of the passage, where I stopped screaming. At this point I was certain that an intruder or intruders were there in my bathroom.

    "I had my pistol in my right hand and I peered in.

    "There was no light in the bathroom. As I slowly peered into the bathroom, I could see that the window was open indeed.

    "My ears were ringing, I couldn't hear anything, so I kept on shouting for Reeva to phone the police. I was so scared to retreat because I wasn't sure if there was somebody on the ladder. I wasn't sure there was somebody in the toilet.

    "I don't know how long I stood there. I shouted for Reeva.

    "At some point I decided to walk back to the room because I couldn't hear anything. My ears were ringing.

    "I kept on shouting for Reeva, I didn't hear anything. At this point it didn't occur to me that it could have been Reeva in the bathroom. I still thought they could be intruders.

    "I retreated back to the point where I got to the corner of the bed. I tried to lift myself up while talking to Reeva. No one responded to me. At that point lifted myself up into the bed and I thought Reeva was there and I couldn't feel anything.

    "At that point the first thing I thought was maybe she got down onto the floor like I told her to, maybe she was just scared ... I can't remember what I said but I was trying to talk out to her.

    "It was upon that time, my Lady, that it first dawned upon me that it could be Reeva that was in the bathroom or in the toilet. I jumped out of the other side of the bed and I ran my hands along the curtains to see that she wasn't hiding.

    "I didn't want to believe it was Reeva in the toilet, I was so scared that someone was coming in to attack us. I made my way inside the bathroom ... I tried to grab the handle, rip open the door. I pushed the door to open and it was locked.

    "I was just panicked. At this point I didn't know what to make or what to do. So I run back to the bedroom where the cricket bat was between the cabinet and the door. I was screaming and shouting the whole time. I don't think I have ever screamed or cried like that. I was crying out to the Lord to help me, I was crying out to Reeva, I was screaming.

    "I run straight back to the bathroom door, I must have placed my firearm on the carpet in the bathroom. The light was on at that stage, I don't remember switching it on but it was on when I kicked the door. I run straight up to the door and I started hitting it hard. I think I hit it three times..

    "The first time I remember hitting the frame of the door, there was shock in my hands, I swung again and hit a small piece open. At that point all I wanted to do was to just look inside and to see if it was Reeva. I then hit the door, I think I hit the door three times and there was a big plank, I grabbed it with my hands and I threw it out into the bathroom. I tried to open the door from the inside but there was no key on the door. I leaned over the middle partition of the door and I saw the key was on the floor at that point and all I wanted to do was climb into the toilet over the middle part of the door. I took the keys and unlocked door. I sat over Reeva and I cried, I don't know how long ... I don't know how long I was there for."

    trustmeigetit said...

    The defense is going to rip his changing story apart. This is going to be very interesting SA wise for sure!!!

    trustmeigetit said...

    2 more things I have already picked up on…

    He claims he was screaming as he entered the bathroom. 3 issues with this…… He claims he was so scared. Yet still, could have ran OUT of his apartment since the bathroom stall is in the opposite direction of the exit…. And, if you are so scared that you can even turn the lights on, why are you screaming. Hello, you are telling the criminals “hey, I am right here” AND… the only screams that were supposedly happening prior sounded like a woman based on his neighbors testimony. He is now clearly trying to say it was actually him screaming. I am so calling BS on this one.


    There look at his statements on when it first dawned on him it was Reeva.

    FIRST STATEMENT: "I fired shots at the toilet door and shouted to Reeva to phone the police. She did not respond and I moved backwards out of the bathroom, keeping my eyes on the bathroom entrance. Everything was pitch dark in the bedroom and I was still too scared to switch on a light. Reeva was not responding. When I reached the bed, I realised that Reeva was not in bed. That is when it dawned on me that it could have been Reeva who was in the toilet.”

    SECOND STATEMENT: "My ears were ringing, I couldn't hear anything, so I kept on shouting for Reeva to phone the police. I was so scared to retreat because I wasn't sure if there was somebody on the ladder. I wasn't sure there was somebody in the toilet. "I don't know how long I stood there. I shouted for Reeva. "At some point I decided to walk back to the room because I couldn't hear anything. My ears were ringing. "I kept on shouting for Reeva, I didn't hear anything. At this point it didn't occur to me that it could have been Reeva in the bathroom. I still thought they could be intruders.

    "I retreated back to the point where I got to the corner of the bed. I tried to lift myself up while talking to Reeva. No one responded to me. At that point lifted myself up into the bed and I thought Reeva was there and I couldn't feel anything.

    "At that point the first thing I thought was maybe she got down onto the floor like I told her to, maybe she was just scared ... I can't remember what I said but I was trying to talk out to her.

    "It was upon that time, my Lady, that it first dawned upon me that it could be Reeva that was in the bathroom or in the toilet. I jumped out of the other side of the bed and I ran my hands along the curtains to see that she wasn't hiding.


    So he first states she “didn’t respond” while still in the bathroom, then now hes saying he could not hear if she did respond because his “ears were ringing”.

    Pretty substantial change. Again, things that I would have stated immediately. That is critical. If you can not hear, that only adds to the fear.

    And then it first dawned on him it was Reeva when he reached the bed. NOW…. When he first got to the bed, he thought she was maybe on the floor like he told her to be”


    Also, this statement is VERY casual for the amount of panic he should be feeling at this point regardless of what happened. If he thought it was a criminal or he was after Reeva.

    trustmeigetit said...

    OOPS, I missed the last sentence in my last post. Here was my full thought....

    Also, this statement is VERY casual for the amount of panic he should be feeling at this point regardless of what happened. If he thought it was a criminal or he was after Reeva.

    trustmeigetit said...

    Still didn't get the comment..

    But this was the comment that is way to casual for this story....

    “At some point I decided to walk back to the room because I couldn't hear anything”

    trustmeigetit said...

    Jen Ow said “He insists that he was terrified of a break-in, yet in his heightened sense of fear, his security system was disabled, a ladder was left under his bathroom window, and he was sleeping with his balcony doors wide open..”

    This is such a true statement.

    Reminds me of it being the perfect story for that one time.

    Like how Isabel Celis happened to sleep in her own room the exact night she was targeted by a kidnapper when she ALWAYS slept in her brothers rooms normally.

    If he was sooo scared, all those things would have been in place. Especially the ladders being there and balcony doors wide open. I sure hope the prosecutor asks him why if he was so SCARED why he would sleep with his door open. Why the alarm was off. Etc Etc.

    Baxtie said...

    As far as I could tell, he still couldn't explain the locked bathroom door. Additionally, if he was just able to simply look around for the key to the door why did he spend so much time bashing it with a bat? His story just stinks. He's polished it, but it's still a bunch of hooey -- the polish just makes it shiny hooey.

    John Mc Gowan said...

    Re: Oscar Pistorious.

    If you have been following the trial today, and i know that not everyone has the time to.

    His accounts today of what allegedly happened, are in places, contradictory to his Affidavit.

    My personal opinion, is that, his defence team should not have put him on the stand.

    Prosecution, if worth their salt, will have a field day dissecting his interpretation of what happened. Sadly.

    Anonymous said...

    "Sadly"???? U on his side????

    cakes said...


    trustmeigetit said...

    So, Oscar was terrified by someone in a locked bathroom stall.

    Yet his home was described as being in a high-security gated complex with a three-meter high wall, an electric fence, a guarded entrance, and regular patrols

    Then, despite having alarms, he just forgot to arm them this one night. He just happened to forget to lock the bathroom window. And, Reeva apparently left the patio doors open (his new testimony he claimed he told her to shut them but I guess she didnt) this one night. AND…. The workers happened to leave a ladder outside the only window that was not locked this one night….. The poor guy had to have been terrified realizing all the chances someone had to break in this one night.

    I mean, it would make sense that this all of course happened after the intruder scaled the tall wall and electric fence, getting past the guards, to just find a ladder laying there with an unlocked window…..he was just able to simply slide open that window and walk right in to use the toilet.

    And, it must have been some other neighbors that just also happened to be up that early in the morning hours that had a fight that was mistaken and Oscar and Reeve since they were sound asleep.

    Yep, that make sense. I can see why a sound in the toilet stall…….when you have someone in the home with you that I bet has used the bathroom before in the middle of the night………would make you feel like your life was in serious danger enough to shoot first then ask questions. He clearly had the worst of luck and odds that night the only night ever.

    Sure. The poor unlucky guy.

    And Gerry and Kate just happened to leave their children alone, happened to leave their door unlocked on THE actual night that predator came to kidnap Madeline and they just happened to time it so well they didn’t run into the flurry of checks by the group. The fact that there was the scent of a dead body behind the couch and in a closet just means there was a murder there prior that was not ever reported (thus why the hotel didn’t know about it) and then a month later they just happened to rent a car that also has a murdered body in it (again, a natural death while it could happen in a car, likely would not be in the trunk so this looks more like a murder victim).

    It’s all just bad luck!

    trustmeigetit said...

    Wow, he sure keeps filling in the holes. First he added that heard a window open…….. Now he heard the toilet door SLAM….. AFTER screaming at them to get out and shouting to Reeva to get on the floor. This now means, that if he hear this, it was Reeva. So he screamed and shouted she then slammed the door? Um, no! His original story that he heard a sound in the toilet was better than this.

    Quote below:

    “As I entered where the passage is to the bathroom I was overcome with fear and start screaming for the burglars to get out of my house. I shouted for Reeva to get on the floor. I slowly made my way down the passage, constantly aware that these people could come at me at any time. I didn't have my legs on. Just before I got to the wall of where the tiles start in the bathroom I stopped shouting as I was worried the person would know exactly where I was and I could get shot. I heard a toilet door slam, what could only have been the toilet door. I couldn't see inside, but it confirmed for me there was a person or people inside”

    Read more:

    GeekRad said...

    Oscar sure makes a lot of references to "at some point", "at this point", upon that time." It does not sound like he is speaking from memory, more that he is speaking from script. Of course considering the shock I'm not sure I would have the timeline nailed down either. But it still sounds scripted. And this statement:
    "I retreated back to the point where I got to the corner of the bed. I tried to lift myself up while talking to Reeva. No one responded to me."

    Not Reeva did not respond, nonone responded. Because he knew Reeva was not in the bed. I watched part of the trial- no shortage of tears and the judge shut it down for the day when Oscar broke down. I hope what appeared to be her empathy was just her professionalism in maintaining control of the court room.

    Tania Cadogan said...

    Given he was not wearing his legs and given the noise and thus the suspected intruder was in the toilet which was a seperate room inside the bathroom that was at the end of the hall from his bedroom, why did he head TOWARDS the intruder rather than getting Reeva and head away from the intruder towards safety where he call press a panic button or call security?

    The intruder had 2 options, either leave via the toilet window and thus avoiding the armed pistorius or leave the safety of the toilet and head towards an armed pistorius along with whatever security staff he had called and possibly guard dogs.

    Common sense would say make a quick escape and live to burglarise another day.
    Unless the burglar was armed and confident he could out draw and outshoot an armed man plus any security detail,he is going to take his chances and run.
    He has lost any opportunity for surprise and risks possibly getting blasted if he tries to leave via the door.

    Given the racket pistorius is making if it was Reeva in the bathroom she would be shouting back to him it was her in the toilet to make it clear who it was and thus prevent him accidentally shooting her when she opens the door to come out.

    In all this he has not told us she responded to his whispers, shouts or screams.
    He cannot say she reponded once the firing started since her response would not support his claims of ignorance.

    if he was so concerned about security why were the balcony doors open? the bathroom window open? the ladder placed in the perfect spot and so on?

    He would have a night time routine like the rest of us, making sure everything was turned off and locked up for the night.
    Why, i ask, did he lock his bedroom door?
    Was this something he always did or was this just a one off?

    There is just him and Reeva in the house, why lock the door?
    I cannot think of any reason why except to prevent perhaps some one getting out the room rather than prevent someone getting in.

    Mary said...

    I wish I had more time to write about the farce that was Oscar on the stand. So many contradictions, how could anyone believe his story?

    I wanted to point out from the transcript posted, Oscar says he had to pull himself up onto the bed to be able to physically check on Reeva, as he supposedly couldn't hear. He then says when he realized she was no where to be found, he went back to the locked bathroom & ran into the door 3 times, trying to open it. He was only able to pull himself onto the bed minutes earlier but he is now somehow able to run into the bathroom door 3 times trying to open it? It's nothing short of a miracle! Also, the number 3.

    I've enjoyed reading your comments & look forward to Peter's thoughts, also!

    Anonymous said...

    A blood-spattered bedroom wall and a damaged bedroom door are emerging as mysterious new evidence at the murder trial of Olympic hero Oscar Pistorius.

    Blood marks were visible on the wall above the bed and bedside table in the Pistorius bedroom, and on a duvet cover, according to police photographs at the scene after Mr. Pistorius shot and killed his girlfriend, Reeva Steenkamp, on Valentine’s Day last year.

    The police photos, shown to court on Monday, also reveal damage to the bedroom door, suggesting that it was opened by force. The court so far has not heard any explanation for the damaged door, or the blood marks on the bedroom wall and duvet.

    Baxtie said...

    Wow, Anon @ 7:33pm!! That's a bombshell. Do you have a link for a source? I hadn't heard any of that.

    trustmeigetit said...


    He has offered an “explanation” on a couple of things.

    He said that he was falling asleep that night and asked Reeva to close the balcony door. So it’s her fault. Interesting…

    Then he is now claiming that he “heard the window open” right before he started shooting so this too must have been Reeva…. Her fault

    And, he claims he locks his bedroom door every night and lodges a bat against it in case someone breaks in his home.. I am assuming from down stairs.

    Baxtie said...

    I found the article myself:

    Nic said...

    I loved this article! I am acquainted with so many hockey/soccer/swimmer families who display this kind of behavior. Compared to them, we joke that we're "spontaneous" (lazy!) I literally wrote that to someone today. We're trying to coordinate a dinner with them. They have zero time because their 3 kids are in competitive sports. It has to be appetizers and a glass of wine after 9 PM on a WEDNESDAY if we want to get together with them. I'm feeling guilty that we're maybe cutting into their scheduled nookie time. LOL

    Our son is in jiujitsu (3 times a week, 1 hour per, b/c he's advanced belt) and our daughter takes violin (.5 hour lesson/week and practices the rest of the time). That leaves a lot of spontaneity and sleeping in if we want to. We ski. One family ski pass is less than what it costs for one kid to play hockey, and all of us are on the hill at the same time. In the summertime it's swimming (at the neighborhood pool or at the grandparents' cottage,) and/or waterskiing.

    The comments are interesting to read, too. ;0)

    One woman's comment and about her kid in Scouts reminded me of when my daughter was in Brownies. The Brownie leader was *craaaazzzy*. The girls had more homework (work associated with badge work) than a grade 6er! She wanted to teach the girls about making and achieving goals so she informed us parents upon pick-up that "the girls decided" (she decided) they would sell 4 crates of cookies each instead of 2. Do you know who many boxes of cookies are in a crate? We lived in the country! I had to parachute my kid into a development to sell cookies (competitively as so many troops were selling at the same time.) The final straw for me was when she organized a camping trip in MID-NOVEMBER (I live in Canada, not Florida and Brownies are for 6 to 8 year olds, not teens). One of the girl's mom had to be called because she wouldn't stop crying that she wanted to go home. The Leader was really p.o.'d when she was relaying this to me. Then she said, (paraphrasing) "I get that she only sees her mom every second weekend and this was her weekend," (so two weeks before she would see her again but a month in total) "But she's a big girl, now. (?!?)" Then she said to me that she told the Brownie that she wouldn't get a badge because "she didn't earn it". Then when her mom showed up to get her, she told her, too, that she didn't earn a badge because she was leaving. (Some moms go crazy if their kid doesn't get "the badge".)

    Funny thing (peculiar, not ha, ha,) the Leader created the troop to spend more time with her daughter and to create special memories with her. An idea completely lost on her when it came to the Brownie who was having a hard time missing her scheduled weekend.

    I can say without a doubt that the kid gave a flying flip about the badge.

    Dacea said...

    I'm from the Springfield area and she was walking alone down the street from her home after spending time with a friend. It's not very far and there were neighbors out and it's not a high crime neighborhood. Springfield has crime, but most the crime is property crime, it's rare that this happens anywhere, but people seem to think the Ozarks are beyond crimes of these nature.

    Anonymous said...

    Regarding the extracurricular activities, there is a happy medium. The kids schedules shouldn't be booked from sun up to sun down, 7 days a week, in my opinion. I especially find it concerning when all the activities interrupt the kids having healthy, sit down, family meals, the kids being able to properly do their homework, and the kids losing sleep because their schedules are so overly full. To me it's not healthy.

    Regarding the Pistorius case, thank you to all posting statements and links.

    ima.grandma said...

    My years spent playing competitive softball with my girls are some of the most memorable memories. My mom was our coach growing up. I have two sisters and two nieces who graduated from OU on a full ride scholarship. Coaching the girls along side with my sister was a lot of family fun. There was nothing better than getting up early on a Saturday morning and driving as a team to a tournament. Or playing catch in the back yard just for fun. Great times!

    But there was a price to pay. Competitive softball in Oklahoma is cut-throat and became a life style that often consumed energy, time, and money we didn't freely have. Then here came basketball, bowling teams and jump rope team. I remember my oldest daughter's experienced jump rope coach telling me most kids so comitted to competition so early in their development had a hard time getting psyched to play the team across town when they were used to traveling all across the country playing in regionals and nationals. She was right but both my girls tell me they wouldn't change those days, mostly because of the great friends they made and the team concept experience.

    Tania Cadogan said...

    Oscar pistorius trial

    These 2 replies from OP tell me what i need to know

    #OscarPistorius Nel is going for the juggular straight away. 'Admit it? You shot and killed Reeva Steenkamp. Lets get to the truth'

    #OscarPistorius 'I am here to tell the truth as much as I can remember,' says OP. 'I am human, i make faults, I have sins,' says runner

    #OscarPistorius 'I will try not to lie,' he says. Nel asks 'what is a zombie stopper?' referring to video of him shooting a watermelon

    In the first comment he places limitations on telling the truth using the what i can remember clause.
    Given the nature of the crime, the trauma, it would be imprinted on his brain, the sights, the sounds, the smell.

    With his second statement he tells us he will try not to lie. He doesn't tell us he won't lie.
    He doesn't tell us that he will tell only the truth, he tells us there will be lies.

    If it was purely accidental as he claims for his defence, why would he need to lie?

    Is it down to guilt or guilty knowledge?

    He has admitted he shot Reeva, this is not questioned, he was caught literally with a smoking gun, this is not disputed.
    We know where, we know when, we know how, we know who.

    What we are questioning, what is disputed is the why?

    This then suggests he has a reason to lie about the why.
    His statements claim they were loving and happy etc etc.
    We know this was not always the case as we have seen texts showing she was scared of him, he has jealousy issues.
    We have witness statements regarding his anger issues, his reckless attitude and behavior with guns.

    Jealousy, anger and guns are a dangerous often lethal combination.
    Jealousy and anger give us motive, we saw he had the opportunity and the means.

    Can we believe he was mistaken in thinking it was an intruder when he didn't turn on the lights, didn't check to see where Reeva was and given his claims to be yelling at the intruder, why he mentions no response from Reeva at any point.
    She would have been frightened having he shouting and screaming at the 'intruder', she would have indicated where she was in order for him to be sure it was not her.
    Why the paranoia about crime and yet we have lights not turned on, windows and doors left open etc?

    He cannot tell us her response since her responses would show he knew who was in the toilet, they would show they were fighting.

    He doesn't give Reeva a voice because doing so would reveal the truth.

    readyour book said...

    If the child truly loves the sport they should stay in it.
    If the parents are prioritizing sports over schoolwork they are fooling themselves.
    I live in a huge football is king small town. The high school stadium school is bigger than some at larger cities. None of the children have ever gone pro. Some have had scholarships to college, not all even graduated college.

    Anonymous said...

    He seems GENUINE in court,his crying uncontrollably sounded genuine as well.

    Anonymous said...

    Why should MY TAXES pay for these snotty,noisy,annoying little phsycopaths "fun"? Waste of money as your comment proves.

    Anonymous said...

    There are many valid points, and yet, I'm glad this author wasn't my parent.