Tuesday, April 1, 2014

Scientists Propose Global Waste Management Solution

note that the quotes are in italics, with analysis in bold type.


Associated Press

Scientists working for the Srail Laboratory say that they have discovered a breakthrough solution in the waste management and toxic disposal issues facing our country.

Lance Anthony Peterson, chief of engineering at SL said that excavation involving some of the most advanced penetrating materials could cause the United States to not only properly dispose of their garbage and toxic waste, paving the way to a cleaner environment, but would also give possible political capital to expend in dealing with issues that have arisen from copyright infringement and international expansion of China into American interests.

"We now have the ultimate capability", Peterson said, "to dig deeper into the earth's crust, by passing many of the previous deterrents, with such tremendous force, that literally blowing a hole and digging so deep that would we not simply pass the center of the earth, but open up the landing in, of all places, China."

This has caused no small stir among politicians.  Cynthia Armstrong, (I-Deleware) said, "This sounds like a real threat to China who have alarmed us all with their exertion of control in Honk Kong.  We know now that they have had no small part in plastic dumpings in the U.S.  One trip to Walmart has told us all we need to know.  It's time to give back to them what they have given to us. The American people are just so sick of the cheap crap for sale there and you have no place to put it.
We will not forget Pearl Harbor.  Never forget!"

Scientists are split, however, on what effects this could have on the atmosphere, something we share with the Asian countries that may be targeted by our garbage dumping.

The Center for Global Warming (now called the "CCC" or "Center for Climate Change") issued a statement:

"It is far too premature, at this juncture, right now, to ascertain realistically and with some element of accuracy, whether or not we may or may not cause not only looking simply a warming of the climate, but a real possibility of  measurable and indiscernible cooling down as well. More incoming and even some outgoing data is almost always readily needed and so is information."

When asked for clarity, the CCC have not returned our phone calls at the time of print.

The United States has yet to hear from Peking on this latest report, but internal debate continues on not only trademark issues with China, but of our recent sales of military technology which critics say can be used to disrupt global and US security networks.

"Hey, it's not like a drone can just go over there and see to it that our garbage reached its destination" said US foreign dignitary Arias Palmero.  "There must be measures in place that send a strong signal to the manufacturing community in Peking that we are not taking this laying down."

7 comments:

Anonymous said...

Where did you find this article? If it was published today, I bet it's an April Fool's joke.

I did not read the entire article, I skimmed it and what I did pick out of it makes me think "April fool's post".


Kathead

GeekRad said...

Happy April Fool's day:)

john said...

There should be a like button option on blogs.

john said...

OT.

Accused Craigslist Killer Miranda Barbour Is A 'Master Liar' Who Is Inspired By 'Dexter': Sister

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/04/01/craigslist-killer-miranda-barbour-liar-dexter_n_5069975.html?ncid=fcbklnkushpmg00000021

badpenny said...

testament to your training that no one had to read far, deception indicated, and some crazy going on too

Anonymous said...

OT: http://koin.com/2014/04/01/mother-8-arrested-medical-child-abuse-case/

If you want to read statements by the accused in the above case, there is a host of them here: http://thetruthaboutkpmomof789.wordpress.com/

Peter Hyatt said...

Geekrad,

finally!

I thought the names were over the top, and even the company's name too thin, but...

Peter