Monday, December 17, 2012

"Sure" in Analysis

Did you ever ask your spouse if he or she wanted to go to a particular restaurant and wondered if she agreed, just because she wanted to please you, rather than really wanting to go to this particular restaurant?

You may take "resteraunt" and substitute "movie", "DVD", or visiting in laws and out laws, or just about anything else, and Statement Analysis can help you discern.

Did you know that most people answer "yes" or "no" to most such questions?

Q.  "Hi Love, would you like to eat out tonight?
A.  Yes

Q.  How about Katie Daly's?
A.  Uh, oh, sure.  

Here, it might be that you have listened carefully to your wife's tone, but it is the word "sure" that is used here, rather than "yes"perhaps she wanted Italian or Chinese, more than Irish cuisine. 

"Sure" is often an indicator of agreement.  An agreement presupposes, even slightly, that there may have been a disagreement, perhaps only in a pause ("uh, oh...").  Many people can tell by voice inflection, but you might take this minor experiment:

Each "yes or no" question that is answered with "sure", ask the subject if they had another idea. 

For the past few months, we have done this ourselves, and each time, have found that, yes, one of us (the one who answered "sure" instead of "yes") did have a different idea about what to eat, what to watch, where to go, and so on.  

Let me know your findings in our comments section.  I'd love to see if we could put a temporary percentage upon it. 

Katie Daly's is located in Massapequa, Long Island, New York, and has a wonderfully warm atmosphere, great live Irish music and dancing.  If you're ever down that way, stop in and try their Prime Ribs of Beef with au jus on the side.  Rare, bone in.  You'll thank me. 



29 comments:

Anonymous said...

Holla! Long island making a sa debut!
Lol
I'm gonna do the "sure" test now. I'll let you know the rsults. And yep Katie Daly s is awesome.

Hobnob said...

ok instead of you buying me coffee it's gonna be beef ribs med rare with au jus.

I had amazing beef ribs at a family bbq of a friend of mine's friend.

Keith Hampshire was the chef, a great singer and loud.

He started off loud and got louder as the booze flowed.

I knew it was gonna be a good bbq when there were litre bottles of vodka and bacardi on each table.
The bbq was so big it would have comfortable held a side of beef.

His beef ribs were to die for, he wouldn't tell me the secret recipe only that there was garlic and rosemary in there somewhere.

My tummy thought it had entered heaven.
Even now i salivate at the thought LOL

dadgum said...

Sure means..yeah..ok. I'll go there. Though I wish you'd ask what I want to eat, because I really, really want a bacon burger and fries at 5 Guys..

Seamus O Riley said...

you don't like Irish good?? potato? potatoes?

Anonymous said...

It has happened to me, and I have responded "sure". In my case, I had another idea, but because I didn't verbalize it first, I said, "sure". I was probably responding after a mental comparison with my original idea and felt it was "OK". No, I wasn't keen on it, but again, the early bird catches the worm, and I thought it wouldn't be fair to suggest something else. -- It's also less mental clutter to have to figure out what to do.

dadgum said...

..only Irish I ever had was my Grandma's inedible food..Irish/English does not a good cook make, lol. Sorry Hobs.. Now North Carolina BBQ, and Tex-Mex..that I can do! Carnitas (pork tacos)and enchiladas for Christmas dinner..mmmmmmm...

Deejay said...

[I said 'sure' to my spouse the other night and I was being insincere.]

When someone first suggests dinner I say 'yes'. When I'm excited about a restaurant choice I say 'What a great idea!' or some other compliment second rather than 'yes'.

But you are right- Sure means 'Well, if you want- I'm not going to argue.'.

Vita said...

Q. "Hi Love, would you like to eat out tonight?
A. Yes

Q. How about Katie Daly's?
A. Uh, oh, sure.
--
How it was proposed, Hi Love, would " you" like to eat out tonight?

" YES" eyes a flutter, oooh Date night, this is special, and unexpected.

How about Katie Daly's?
Response: Uh,oh, sure
--
When it is proposed, with Hi Love, as you and I couple. It is not to be asked would you like to go to
" Katie Daly's" add any, no meaning.

She is thinking this is already planned, by my husband, a special dinner, plans already created by him. He loves me, he has been thinking of this all day. He planned this. All she had to say is Yes.

The preplanned is he wanting to spend time, us together. Swoon affect. The let down is there wasn't a plan, it was an invitation out. Nice gesture, yes.

Not the same as it was proposed. Romance was expected. Even if it wasn't said. Women want romance and with romance comes surprise, that the effort is put forth, already in place.
Had there not been the question, of how about going to? Her second response, run to the bedroom, change clothes, powder room to gussy. Earrings in, perfume on, makeup freshened, lets go. I am ready. Excitement.

Where are you taking me? I am not telling, you will have to wait till we get there. Goosebumps.
--
:)

Anonymous said...

Please help find Ayla

Matthew 6:33-34
New International Version (NIV)
33 But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34 Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

Anonymous said...

Please help find Ayla
“Well it’s been( unexpected past tense )a tough time for all of us I know…I know that it’s been difficult on me …an I, I can only imagine how difficult it’s been for his mom and his brother an his family over in the Colorado Springs area, and you know (trying to convince) we’re doing everything we can to try to find Dylan and we want to keep the focus on finding Dylan. You know ( trying to convince, ttc or pr for persuasive language?)I’ve been working with the investigators to make sure ( guilty people are all making sure of something when giving statements)that you know(ttc/pl) all the bases are being covered on that end, and you know (ttc/pl)that’s pretty much where I’m at with that ( refer’s to search for missing son as “with that” unexpected. “That “ being distancing language, and the expected would be details of search efforts). I mean I’m doin everything I know how to do…”
9 “I’s”
Reporter:“….when Elaine went on ABC news.”

“Right.” ( Unexpected. Right is synonymous with correct.)

“Um…Well..I, I can only(ttc/pl, unexpected, Dylan is his son he should be experiencing something similar ) imagine bein a mother, the frustration that… of hearing about your son going missing ( extreme distancing language; Elaine becomes “a mother”, Dylan is “your son”. Unexpected.) …and, you know (ttc/pl)I, I can only(ttc/pl here is an admission of guilt. The first time he “only” imagined this time he “only” thinks ) think that that has to do with lashing out ( Dylan’s dad uses the two words “lashing out” repeatedly in this statement and in numerous others in the context of family relationships.) and trying to find who’s accountable for this ( unexpected. , he’s placing blame on an individual )in this situation.( unexpected. “Situation” to describe Dylan’s disappearance.) Um,(Taking time to think) you know(ttc/pl), I’ve been( unexpected. Past tense “been”) working closely with the investigators ta,, to (stuttering , show’s sensitivity to subject. “Investigators”)do what needed to be done (Unexpected past tense “needed to be done”), because( extra language,feels need to explain the sensitivity) you know(ttc/pl) he was last seen at my house,( unexpected past tense “was”) I ( I to become our)know there’s rumors goin around that he’s been spotted by people , an, you know(ttc/pl), our ( to become we “just”)concern is that, you know(ttc,pl), SOMETHING HAS HAPPENED TO THE POINT NOW where,( unexpected, sentence fragment) we just( very unexpected, qualifying what “we want”) want to keep in the publics eye, you know(ttc/pl, unexpected broken sentence; “public’s eye, you know, Dylan’s face”) Dylans face, and keep the focus on Dylan. ( unexpected, missing word finding, searching for) An, you know(ttc/pl), don’t worry about me,( “worry about me” reported in the negative) an, an, (stuttering) everythings going to be alright on my end.( Severe unexpected. The statement is concerning Dylan’s disappearance not the fathers ability to “be alright” in the “situation”) But I know this is only a troubling time for Elaine ( uses soft language “troubling” unexpected; Dylan’s missing)an, an, (stuttering, sensitive topic) my son Cory,( unexpected. He’s yet to say “my son Dylan” )an I spoke with him last night, an, you know(tcc/pl) I’m surprised that we haven’t been able to hook up ( unexpected term, casual, contricts situation) today because, you know(ttc), one of the things we’re trying to do is unite together( unexpected following hook-up, “trying” implys lack of unity), an, an,(stammering) I have my oldest son( sounds odd. I have is unnecessary) from the Phoenix area here and of course my brothers here( unnecessary list of people), so, we’re trying to unite as a family and stay focused on what’s important here, an, you know(ttc) everybody wants to focus on me but the focus isn’t me right now. The focus is finding Dylan, and that’s where I’m at..”
focused on what’s important here
focus on me
focus isn’t me right now
focus is finding Dylan
What’s important here, me, me right now, finding Dylan.
11 “I’s”

Anonymous said...

Please help find Ayla
“Well, because I think it’s just a natural part of the process, an, I think because he was, you know, HE WAS LAST SEEN WITH ME, AN HE WAS WITH ME THAT LAST NIGHT before, an I SAW HIM the morning that I LEFT TO GO RUN my errands, but, you know, THAT’S THE LOGICAL PLACE TO START. An so, it doesn’t at all surprise me, you know, that they searched my home yesterday, cause quite FRANKLY I WAS EXPECTING THAT TO HAPPEN A WEEK AGO, so. You know, my opinion is we’re all a week late in where we’re at with this, In that. Really the focus is, you know, what do we

Anonymous said...

Please help find Ayla
to walk through the front door.I, I’M WILLING TO DO WHATEVER I NEED TO DO. An that’s what I WANT EVERYBODY TO UNDERSTAND, is that you know, my focus is on Dylan an, an WHAT’S GOING ON WITH HIM. An tryin to keep the investigation moving forward in, in whatever necessary means that, THAT IS. AN SO, YOU KNOW, in cooperating with them in we can keep the focus on the search for Dylan and that’s really where I’m at with all this.”

That is, an so, you know?

Siobhan said...

Hi anon
Please help find Ayla

Maybe the words "you know" are part of his speech pattern/internal dictionary? He's uses it a lot. So many red flags to be seen though. Fingers crossed that his family get answers soon.

Skeptical said...

Sure is yes with reservations (and I don't mean for dinner).

Randie said...

Boy not many commented on the subject at hand....the word "sure".

I'll go test it out. Randie

Rachael said...

My wonderful boyfriend quickly picked up on my use of 'sure', in regards to dinner, movie, etc.

For me, it means that I like the general idea, but don't know exactly what I want, so I am willing to go with his specific suggestion, lacking my own.

Bless his heart!

'How about Chinese?'
'Sure'
'Clearly you don't want that. You are being overly acommodating. Stop it.'
And he will sit patiently and fire off other ideas until he lands upon one that sounds good to him, that I jump on.

:) I'm a lucky girl.

Siobhan said...

Peter said.....

Each "yes or no" question that is answered with "sure", ask the subject if they had another idea.

Can the word "sure" be substituted with .... "Yeah okay" Or any others depending on local dialect? The word sure is seldom used where I live, hence the question :)

dadgum said...

sure.
lol

Anonymous said...

I say "yeah, sure, whatever works" If I am just ok with the choice offered. I say "sounds good to me" if I like the choice.

dadgum said...

I just give Mr Gum 'the look'. Then we go where I want to eat. Five Guys..sadly, everyone likes what I cook the best. Yes, I am that good, rofl..

Siobhan said...

Thanks Dadgum :)

Ladyluck WI said...

yes this is true for me! i noticed it awhile ago.. in fact a recent facebook posting that was making it's rounds went something like "what women REALLy mean"

1)Go ahead (don't do it, its a dare)

2)Whats wrong?..."nothing" (nothing is really something) etc. etc.

I added my own comment stating.. "sure".. its not their preference but they dont' want to cause an argument

Hobnob said...

dadgum said...
..only Irish I ever had was my Grandma's inedible food..Irish/English does not a good cook make, lol. Sorry Hobs..



Dear Santa.

Chef 'gum says i can't cook.

Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!!

I am an amazing cook, my gravy is a food group in itself and my roast and chrimbo dins rawk.

Please don't leave her any prezzies and make sure the reindeer do.( it'll do her garden good)

If you do as asked i'll make sure you get the extra special mince pies with brandy and a glass of the good port.

Merry Christmas

Hobs xx

PS the english and irish are accommpanied by the scottish, welsh, italin, romany, egyptian and norwegian bloodlines (plus whatever else showed up ready willing and able at a moments notice hehe)

This explains my wonderful cooking skills (and eating skills) which bro also has (thanks dad) no matter how it may look it will taste divine.

PPS bags me not doing the dishes hehe

BostonLady said...

For me, if I answer "sure" it means, I didn't really have a strong preference to begin with. Sure means I'm fine with the choice as I wasn't feeling strongly one way or the other about the place.

If I did want a different choice, I'd speak up and "Sure" wouldn't be used.

Anonymous said...

Please help find Ayla
In SA "sure" as an answer to query shows ambivalence.

You know I’ve been working with the investigators TO MAKE SURE that you know all the bases are being covered on that end, and you know that’s pretty much where I’m at with that I mean I’m doin everything I know how to do…”

"make sure" shows up in the statements of guilty.

Anonymous said...

This is brilliant embedded advertising...did you take a wager? Seriously, it sticks out like a sore thumb but I genuinely applaud you over my ironic tonez You turned a statement analysis issue into a shout out to a restaurant, even while misspelling the word, in quotes, as if you were quoting the misspelling. Clever.

Anonymous said...

Hey, good job. I like your analysis of the romance link to the word sure.

Then, there is also the passive aggressive 'sure.' But with PA behavior/conversations, tone is alive.

Anonymous said...

I always took "sure" as a reluctant agreement it is good to know why !

Anonymous said...

I say 'sure' interchangeably with 'absolutely' when I am being accommodating whole heartedly, also.